Tuesday 20 November 2012

Hoist the Jolly Roger @ No 10

"Ah Ha, mi Hearties! Shiver mi timbers!" Arturo closed one eye. I wasn't sure whether he had been at the sherry or was ill!

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"I'm lookin' for pieces of eight, mi old shipmate!" He peered at me. "You haven't been keeping up with the news, Butch, have you?" I shook my head. "Well, take a look at the laptop over there! Maybe you'll get the piracy analogy then!"

I peered at the screen. There was an article; it was Re:Locate the online magazine for HR, Global Managers & Relocation Professionals. Not Arturo's usual daily news diet, you understand. But - there must be something of interest here. The headline looked somewhat dull:
PM David Cameron promises to remove bureaucracy to help businesses

Suppressing a yawn, I read on:
In his address to the CBI Annual Conference, Prime Minister David Cameron said the government will embark on radical reforms to speed up the way it takes key decisions in order to help boost economic growth.

Blah! Blah! Blah! Same old 'Boy David' Cameron spinning himself into a dangerous web of PR again!. However, Arturo was eying me closely, so I went on reading:
The PM unveiled a four-pronged strategy to “eliminate bureaucratic rubbish” and dismantle some of the procedures that had slowed down economic growth, he told business leaders.

A four-pronged strategy to “eliminate bureaucratic rubbish”. Careful, 'Boy David', I thought. There are many, even in your own party who think you're little better than rubbish yourself. But I still did not get the piracy rant from Arturo. Then - then I spotted it:
In a wide-ranging keynote speech, Mr Cameron said the UK was in the “economic equivalent of war” but hailed signs that Britain was again “selling to the world”. “Frankly, we need this buccaneering, deal-making, hungry spirit now more than ever,” he said.
http://www.relocatemagazine.com/corporate-finance-a-tax/finance-a-tax-news-corporate/6593-pm-david-cameron-promises-to-remove-bureaucracy-to-help-businesses

At last - was this what Arturo was on about? Buccaneering? Long John Silver and all that? 'Buccaneering' - did 'Boy David Cameron envisage us all as 21st century Blackbeards?

Then, I noticed another tab. I moved to the next story. A page from the Telegraph was displayed. The headline read:
David Cameron: I want privilege for all:

Didn't sound piratical to me - sounded more like advertising for Eton College. Anyway, the article by Robert Winnett appeared on 10 October 2012. This was hardly up-to-date, cutting edge news. However, dutifully, I continued reading:
In his speech to the Conservative Party conference in Birmingham, Mr Cameron said his aim was not to defend “privilege” but “spread it” by giving everyone the help he has enjoyed in life.

So far, nothing interesting here. Just the usual old PR. I went on reading:
The country is the “most enterprising, buccaneering, creative, dynamic nation on earth” and can recover from the economic crisis with “individual effort and aspiration”, the Prime Minister said.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/conservative/9600468/David-Cameron-I-want-privilege-for-all.html

There it was again:
buccaneering
It seems as though Cameron has had buccaneering on the brain for over a month! Poor bloke!!

I decided to look up the definition of a 'buccaneer'. The Oxford Dictionary defines the word as follows:
a pirate, originally one operating in the Caribbean:

a person who acts in a recklessly adventurous and often unscrupulous way, especially in business:
http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/buccaneer?q=buccaneer

So, does 'Boy David' Cameron really want us all to act in a:
recklessly adventurous and often unscrupulous way, especially in business

Oh dear! It seems our Prime Minister, him upstairs, has been watching a few too many re-runs of the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' or reading 'Treasure Island' too often to his children. But whatever the explanation, it is rather ridiculous. I am sure you will agree that advocating 'buccaneering' as the solution to achieve anything - is wrong! Most buccaneers ended up by being hanged - possibly drawn and quartered too! Not a fate to recommend to the UK businessman, Mr Cameron.

"Ah Ha, Mi Hearty," Arturo exclaimed, "The Boy's really gone and shivered his timbers this time!"

Arturo's right, of course. Prime Minister Cameron would do better to read the King James Bible and exhort us all to:
Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Proverbs 6:6

Of course, there is another explanation for Cameron's buccaneering fixation. He finds himself surrounded by buccaneering MPs and Ministers who are doing 'very nicely, thank you' for themselves in a buccaneering sort of way. Channel 4's programme 'Dispatches', highlighted the goings on relating to expenses within the corridors of power in the House of Commons! Their shenanigans would put even Blackbeard to shame for being a paltry pirate.

Antony Barnett presented the programme in which he took a tour around London and its outskirts showing the second homes, rented apartments and millionaire residences of some of these 'buccaneering' MPs and Ministers! The Channel 4 website included the following:
Channel 4's Dispatches will reveal:

Cabinet Office Minister Francis Maude is still claiming thousands of pounds on a second home in central London despite the prime minister's personal pledge Maude would not "claim any money" on his second home.

Equalities Minister Helen Grant is claiming £20,000 a year for a luxury London flat despite owning a £1.8m home in Surrey just 19 miles away from Westminster.

Treasury Minister David Gauke recently sold his second home in central London which the taxpayer helped buy and has kept a profit of more than £20,000.

John Whittingdale, chairman of the House of Commons Culture, Media and Sport select committee has moved out of a second home which the taxpayer helped fund and is renting it out for £400 a week. He is now claiming expenses for renting out a property nearby.
http://www.channel4.com/news/new-expenses-row-as-at-least-32-mps-claim-for-rent

So we have some examples of swashbucklers well known to 'Boy David' Cameron! No wonder he was saying to the businessmen:
we need this buccaneering, deal-making, hungry spirit now more than ever

Arturo and I are off to find some sardine heads from the kitchen. Couldn't quite see if the Jolly Roger was flying from the Downing Street chimney!

'Bye'

Friday 9 November 2012

Eton rules - but not OK @ No 10

"I don't believe it!" Arturo exclaimed. "Another old Etonian hits the high spots! Talk about 'Jolly boating weather' and 'Pull, pull together'!"

I listened more closely to the programme on the radio that Arturo was listening to with great intensity. The item? The future Archbishop of Canterbury!

I understood now what Arturo was gabbling on about. The new Archbishop of Canterbury is to be Justin Welby, the Bishop of Durham. So! What's surprising about that, do I hear you ask? Well - look at his biographical details:
Educated at Eton College before going to Trinity College, Cambridge to study history and law.

Ah Ha! Where have I heard that phrase 'Educated at Eton College' before? Just think about it. Can't think? Well look at this:
'Boy David' Cameron' Prime Minister, 'Educated at Eton College'

'Georgy' Gideon Osborne, Chancellor of the Exchequer, 'Educated at Eton College'

Sir George 'Gloomy' Young, Chief Whip, 'Educated at Eton College'

Oliver 'Snake in the grass' Letwin, Minister for Government Policy, 'Educated at Eton College'

Nicholas 'Call me Nick' Hurd, Parliamentary Secretary, Cabinet Office, 'Educated at Eton College'

Hugo 'Love me do' Swire, Minister of State, Foreign and Commonwealth Office, 'Educated at Eton College'
Philip 'No Claims' Dunne, Parliamentary Under Secretary of State, Ministry of Defence, 'Educated at Eton College'
William 'Call me Bill' Wiggin, Assistant Government Whip, 'Educated at Eton College'

Wow! And that's not counting the 'Posh Boys' who went to Eton who are in the House of Lords! Of course, there is one other jolly old chap who we really could not omit from any list of influential Old Etonians and that is: Give him a big hand, yours truly:
Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, none other than 'Mop Head' Boris, Mayor of London, 'Educated at Eton College'

So, with all this VERY expensive education behind these leading lights, you would expect the UK to be flourishing, wouldn't you? But note this:
The Office for Budget Responsibility says:
Budget deficit ... still up on last year: Public sector net borrowing was £2.7 billion higher in the first six months of the fiscal year than in the equivalent period in 2011-12.
http://budgetresponsibility.independent.gov.uk/

The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) stated:
Unemployment will continue to rise over the projection period, due to job cuts in public administration and weak output growth.
http://www.oecd.org/eco/economicoutlookanalysisandforecasts/unitedkingdom-economicforecastsummarymay2012.htm

And this was the Government that reckoned it would put the UK on its economic feet! Some feet!

It's not just the UK economy that's in a mess, however. In the 21st century, there is still no agreement about a 'living wage'. Thousands of people are being paid below what is considered to be sufficient to live on.

The so-called reform of the NHS has caused dismay across large swathes of the country. Private health providers are licking their lips at the prospect of making a fast buck from the tattered service.

The English education system is in disarray. Academies and 'Free Schools' are springing up in areas where there is already social division. The English Language GCSE results have left pupils with a distrust of the examination marking system.

The Armed Forces are being cut to a shadow. Soldiers who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan are finding themselves cast aside.

There have been so many U-Turns in policy, since the present government came to power that all UK inhabitants are in a flat spin!

SO - where did all this VERY expensive education at Eton go wrong? Not enough Problem Solving Lessons? Possibly the Mathematics masters forgot to teach the pupils basic adding up and taking away. The Chancellor and Prime Minister certainly don't seem to know 'how many beans make two?'

One thing their VERY expensive education did teach them was Public Relations (PR). But PR is only the ability to utter meaningless soundbites! Hence, the mess the country is in!

So, all in all, Arturo and I aren't too sure of the value to the country of being 'Educated at Eton College'. The individuals concerned have acquired the skills of being able to climb up the greasy pole to advance themselves. But, the country certainly reaps no rewards; quite the contrary in fact. Maybe, just maybe, the new Archbishop of Canterbury will be the exception that proves the rule. Let's hope so!

As for two old alley cats like me and Arturo, although we started life in the gutter, we too have positions of power in Downing Street! Now that is what I call real social mobility!

'Bye'

Saturday 3 November 2012

Posh Boys & not so Posh Pussies - @ No 10

"I'll bet 'Boy David' Cameron is longing for a quiet weekend at Chequers." Arturo chuckled somewhat maliciously, I thought.

However - it has been quite a week for the 'Posh Boys' of Downing Street. 'Georgy' Osborne is keeping a lower profile than usual and trying to stay away from trains. I suppose this is after the fiasco of his Standard Class rail ticket being used whilst he was sitting in a First Class compartment! Tut! Tut! One would hope that a Chancellor of the Exchequer knew that it costs a few pounds more to take that liberty!! Still - being a 'Posh Boy' he has probably always had tickets bought for him. However - this is not the first time, no siree; he's done it before. Maybe 'Posh Boys' never learn!

This week, 'Georgy' Osborne has been given a lesson in how to promote growth in the UK regional economy by Tarzan! Incredible, do I hear you say? Ah! The Tarzan in question is none other than Lord Heseltine the former mace-wielding MP who really 'did for' Maggie Thatcher. He wasn't nicknamed 'Tarzan' for either of those feats but for his unruly blonde locks reminiscent of a wild man of the woods! However, to get to the point - Heseltine produced a report this week that won praise from many for stating what 'Georgy' should have been saying many months ago! Tarzan wrote in his introduction:
NO STONE UNTURNED

One man’s vision

The Government should set out a comprehensive strategy for national wealth creation, defining its view of its own role – and the limits of that role – together with those of others in local authorities, public bodies and the private sector.

This report makes 89 recommendations.

Some will say they are criticisms.

That is exactly the wrong approach.

To invite criticism is a sign of strength.

To accept it is a sign of confidence.

We are all too close to the economic crisis.

There is opportunity on a grand scale.

Huge infrastructure demands and hungry institutional funds – link them.

Excellence in industry, commerce, academia – extend it.

England’s cities pulsing with energy – unleash it.

Every one of us needs to rise to the challenge.
www.bis.gov.uk/.../12-1213-no-stone-unturned-in-pursuit-of-growth

In the report, Heseltine covers a wide variety of areas including an analysis of the economic crisis, localism, Whitehall, Government and growth, education and skills and finally a description of 'Making it happen'

Why on earth didn't 'Boy David' Cameron, the Prime Minister and 'Georgy' Osborne, Chancellor of the Exchequer, have the nouse to think of these ideas themselves!

Thomas Pascoe writing in the Telegraph said:
Bravo, Lord Heseltine, for saying what Britain has needed to hear for a long time
He ended his blog:
Lord Heseltine is one of a dwindling number of survivors from a generation which did, rather than looked for excuses not to do. His report is a serious challenge to our industrial policy and I hope it is greeted by affirming actions, not merely affirming words.
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/finance/thomaspascoe/100021044/bravo-lord-heseltine-for-saying-what-britain-has-needed-to-hear-for-a-long-time/

How both Cameron and Osborne long for such kind words to be written about them!

Instead of kind words, Cameron suffered his first parliamentary defeat in the House of Commons over the EU Budget! The worry for him must be that it was his own backbenchers who caused the defeat. In fact, he was even compared to 'John Major', the former Conservative PM who was torn to bits by anti-EU Conservatives. The Huff Post reported:
Speaking during Prime Minister's Questions on Wednesday, Miliband mocked Cameron's inability to control his own MPs.

"He can't convince European leaders, he can't even convince his own backbenchers. He is weak abroad he is weak at home, it's John Major over again," he said.

He added: "How can he be giving up on a cut in the EU budget before the negotiations have begun?"
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/10/31/miliband-cameron-as-weak-as-john-major-over-europe_n_2048923.html

So, that's why Arturo reckons the 'Posh Boys' must be longing for a retreat to the country! Of course, there's possibly another reason. A reason close to Arturo's and to my heart!! There was serious caterwauling in Downing Street, last week! The Telegraph reported:
Police called to break up violent cat fight in Downing Street: Larry the Downing Street cat and Freya, the Chancellor's moggy, go at it hammer and tongs on the steps of No 10.

Beneath the headline was a blood-curdling image of our old Larry being dealt a truly 'knock-out' blow from Freya, Georgy's errant moggy! If you want to see it, go to: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/david-cameron/9611897/Police-called-to-break-up-violent-cat-fight-in-Downing-Street.html

Not a pretty sight!

As for me and Arturo, we're dining in tonight! Larry is in disgrace upstairs at No 10. Freya is in her cat basket. So we have the run of the place!

'Bye'