"
Did you watch old 'Apple Schnapps' Shapps at the Tory Party Conference?" Arturo asked me with a wink.
Of course I had! But I knew that Arturo was about to tell me what he saw and that I could do nothing to stop him.
"
It was sheer vaudeville!" He said.
"All 'Apple Schnapps' needed was a twirling moustache, a red cloak and a silver-topped cane - and you would have had a version of 'The Good Old Days' with Leonard Sachs as master of ceremonies! It was so undignified! Any moment I expected Cameron, Osborne and Gove to come on doing an Egyptian sand-dance!"
He was right! It was just as Arturo described it! Not a bit like a serious political conference. It was as if there had to be:
A joke a minute and every one a winner!
And this was a political party endeavouring to persuade its audience that they were the people to run the country! Now we know that the fabulous duo
George W Bush and
Anthony (call me TONY) Blair performed their tap-dancing act to initial applause - But hey! Just look at their ratings now!
Nothing daunted,
'Apple Schnapps' Shapps decided, in his opening speech to the Tory Conference, that Vaudeville was the path to tread, as
Conservative Home reported:
I love Birmingham. This city is a marvel: home to the Balti triangle, Britain’s most popular Symphony Orchestra, and more canals than Venice. This is the birth-place of gas lighting; the first English translation of the Bible; and the first UK hydrogen fill-up point for cars.
That is how he began his 'welcome' to the conference speech! But it gets better:
I love our Conference, too. It’s been one of my favourite weeks of the calendar ever since I first joined our Party in 1990. You can’t beat it for seeing friends, debating, and enjoying the odd pint or two.
He went on:
Some say: “Why bother? Why keep trekking back to Conference each year?” Partly, it is the thrill and the therapy and the raw theatre of it. I remember the great white-knuckle speeches of Major, Duncan-Smith and Heseltine, the hilarious quips of Hague, the tub-thumpers from Thatcher, Howard and Widdecombe.
http://www.conservativehome.com/platform/2014/09/grant-shapps-welcome-to-this-years-party-conference.html
I know! It was a 'welcome' speech, an 'ice-breaker' - get 'em cheerful and waiting for the fun to start! But it set the stage for the whole show - er sorry - conference!
The tone was set by
'Apple Schnapps' Shapps. Here's what he had to say about other speakers:
This is going to be an extraordinary week. Later today, we're going to hear from the best Foreign Secretary this country has known for generations. William Hague.
Tomorrow, you're going to be hearing from a man who's turned this economy around. It takes guts to do what he's done. But he's stuck to his plan, we've turned a corner, and he was right all along. Our Chancellor, George Osborne.
And you'll hear from a woman who succeeded where every other Home Secretary has failed, packing Abu Qatada off on a plane to Jordan, for good - Theresa May.
Then on Tuesday you'll hear from the people fixing education, making work pay and intoxicating London - Michael Gove, Iain Duncan Smith and Boris Johnson.
And on Wednesday - you'll hear from someone who's been prepared to take tough decisions, provide the leadership and the vision.
Someone who gets up early each morning determined to turn this country around for hardworking people everywhere. That's right - our Prime Minister, David Cameron.
http://www.conservativepartyconference.org.uk/Speeches/2013_Grant_Shapps.aspx
As Leonard Sachs would have said - 'Give 'em each and everyone a big hand', this conference is
“for your delectation and delight”
Other speeches had the same
Variety Hall tone. Here is a bit from the Leader,
'Boy David' Cameron:
I do the best I can. And for me, it comes back to some simple things.
Country first. Do what’s decent. Think long-term.
There’s an old story that’s told about a great hall in Oxford, near my constituency.
For hundreds of years it’s stood there – held up with vast oak beams.
In the 19th century, those beams needed replacing.
And you know what they found?
500 years before, someone had thought… those beams will need replacing one day…
…so they planted some oak trees.
Just think about that.
Centuries had passed… Columbus had reached America… Gravity had been discovered…
…and when those oaks were needed, they were ready.
http://www.conservativepartyconference.org.uk/Speeches/2013_David_Cameron.aspx
He told it well! Full throttle! Full vigour! Do you agree?
Here's another well-tried performer: Old
'Bagpuss' Pickles:
... now the (European) Commission wants to go further.
Using Lisbon Treaty powers, it wants councils to stamp the EU flag on birth, marriage and death certificates.
It’s optional say the Commission.
We’ve heard that one before. Just look at the EU flag on your driving licence.
Will branding Britons from cradle to grave with EU flags drive economic growth?
No.
Will fining local community groups help balance the EU budget?
Non.
Will barmy cycle lanes and the EU’s flying circus make us love Brussels more?
Nein.
http://www.conservativepartyconference.org.uk/Speeches/2013_Eric_Pickles.aspx
Now that was a winner - he got the masses joining in with the '
No', '
Non' and the '
Nein'. They loved it! Absolute Pantomime!
I could go on! You get the gist!
As though all this Tory malarkey wasn't enough - now we have an even greater exponent of the art of Vaudeville about to prance across the stage. Can you guess?
In a cloud of cigarette smoke and with a whiff of beer?
Go on ... who is it? ...... yes!
Give him a big hand - I present to you
'For your Delectation and Delight' the one - the only :
Nigel 'You ain't seen nothin' yet' Farage!
As Arturo would say:
Just bring on the dancing girls!
As for me and mi old pal, Arturo, we're having a small plate of nibbles tonight!
Bye
