Forever blowing bubbles @ No. 10

Arturo was humming to himself minutes after Lord and Master, 'Boy David' Cameron, had finished his Party Conference speech, which we'd watched on the tele. Then Arturo broke into song:

I'm forever blowing bubbles,

Pretty bubbles in the air,

They fly so high, nearly reach the sky,

http://www.metrolyrics.com/im-forever-blowing-bubbles-lyrics-cockney-rejects.html

"What are you on about, Arturo?"

"Obvious, surely! Our PR man of a PM has been at it again! He's been searching for the sound-bite! It had to be the right soundbite, mark you! The one to catch his followers' ears."

"And did he get the right one?" I rather naively asked.

"Judge for yourself!" He said and strode off, still humming.

I looked up the reports of 'Boy David' Cameron's recent pronouncements! He got really excited about 'Help to Buy' even deciding to launch it earlier than expected, as reported by Philip Aldrick in the Telegraph:

Government launches Help-to-Buy three months early: Banks accounting for about a third of the mortgage market will start offering taxpayer-subsidised mortgages next week after the Government brought forward the launch date of its controversial Help-to-Buy scheme by three months.

Aldrick went on:

Critics have warned that the guarantees could inflate a dangerous housing bubble at a time when the property market is already showing signs of recovery. Vince Cable, the Business Secretary, has questioned “whether it should come into effect in light of the changing market conditions”, adding: “We don’t want a new bubble.”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/david-cameron/10342384/Government-launches-Help-to-Buy-three-months-early.html

As for me - I was gob-smacked! Vince 'Invincible' Cable doesn't want a 'new bubble'! No one wants a bubble!

Writing in The Independent, Mark Steel made his view known under the headline:

Help to Buy: Is another property bubble really a good idea?

He wrote:

This Government loves exciting fresh ideas, so they’ve announced an extension of their plan to boost the economy, the Help to Buy scheme that makes it easy for people to borrow more than they can afford to buy a house, so that house prices will go up, making us all feel better off.

If only someone had tried before to inflate an economy by lending huge amounts to people to buy houses, even if they couldn’t afford it, then it might be possible to predict how this might end. Already the banks have made it clear they love the idea, and their judgement has been impeccable in recent years. ...

Yet even the Adam Smith Institute says the Help to Buy scheme “will only drive prices up, making housing more unaffordable for most people.” Once the Adam Smith Institute says something is too uncaring, that’s like suggesting an idea to Abu Hamza and him saying “I don’t agree with that, it’s too extremist for me.”

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/help-to-buy-is-another-property-bubble-really-a-good-idea-8856968.html

No wonder Arturo was humming about bubbles! It seems that 'Boy David' Cameron doesn't remember what happened in 2008! I wonder if the names 'Fannie & Freddie' have even entered his head!

Reports from the Conservative Party Conference were to be found everywhere. So there was plenty of meat for me to get my teeth into.

There were photos and videos a'plenty of Cameron speaking in front of what looked like a shredded Union Jack. I wondered if this was really intended - or a gross error of judgement! Why would he want to have the Union Jack looking so tattered? Just see for yourself:

Is Cameron losing his famed PR touch? Here's what he had to say in his main conference speech:

This week in Manchester we've shown this Party is on the side of hardworking people.

Helping young people buy their own home.

Getting the long-term unemployed back to work.

Freezing fuel duty.

Backing marriage.

Cutting the deficit.

Creating jobs.

Creating wealth.

... our Help to Buy mortgage scheme.

Blimey O'Riley! Those are some soundbites! If he's actually achieving all that, I don't know why he needs 'Hardworking People' at all! Surely, in this fantasy-land, it's time for freebees for all, especially for the pals in banking!

Nothing daunted and spurred on by his own rhetoric, Cameron invoked still more soundbites:

To make this country, at long last and for the first time ever, a land of opportunity for all.

... Some people said the NHS wasn't safe in our hands.

Well - we knew otherwise.

Who protected spending on the NHS? Not Labour - us.

He also said:

We are not there yet, not by a long way.

But, my friends, we are on our way.

You can read the full text at http://www.newstatesman.com/staggers/2013/10/david-camerons-speech-conservative-party-conference-2013-full-text

The favoured few may have cheered Cameron's speech and seen it as a precursor of arrival in the Promised Land. But -

"land of opportunity for all"?

- Take care those queuing at the food-banks!

"protected spending on the NHS"?

- Beware those needing the butchered, collapsing NHS!

"our 'Help to Buy' mortgage scheme"?

- Watch out new house owners!

So Arturo's humming had some purpose, after all.

Just as I was about to have a kip - the self-same Arturo rushed in and shoved a newspaper cutting in front of my nose:

"Now's your chance, Butch, mi old pal! Lick your coat, swish your tail and you're in with a chance."

"What're you on about?" I scanned the cutting and this is what I read:

Downing Street is denying claims that David Cameron does not like Larry, the official No 10 cat. ...

The unlikely public relations campaign was launched after the disclosure in Matthew d’Ancona’s new book, In It Together, that Mr Cameron and his wife Samantha do not like the cat. ...

d’Ancona reports that the Camerons do not like Larry, a six-year-old tabby, prompting an outpouring of support for the cat on social networks under the theme #savelarry.

The potential for damage to the Prime Minister’s image was not missed by his office, with a spokesman issuing a statement on Friday night saying: “Totally untrue. He is very popular with Downing Street denies David Cameron dislikes Larry the cat everyone in the building and we all get on purr-fectly well.” Downing Street observers, however, say d’Ancona is absolutely correct that Larry - whose efficacy as a mouser has been questioned since he joined Downing Street - is not a family favourite.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/10341329/Downing-Street-denies-David-Cameron-dislikes-Larry-the-cat.html

"If you plays yer cards right, mi old pal, you might yet be a pampered moggie!" Arturo smirked.

"No thanks, Arturo! I prefer to keep a low profile in Downing Street."

No siree - me and Arturo know our place and it ain't upstairs! Tonight, we're off for a bit of nosh at the new fish cafe round the corner!

Bye

Nothing's safe @ No. 10

"Recall the mantra The NHS is safe in our hands?" Arturo asked. But before I could reply, he went on: "That Lansley bloke told us that the NHS would do just fine under his proposed reforms! Look what's happened! Now, this craven Coalition has the sheer gall to tell us that the Transparency of Lobbying, Non-party Campaigning and Trade Union Administration Bill will be good for democracy!!"

I could see Arturo felt strongly! So I decided to investigate. I discovered that Andrew Sparrow had written an article entitled:New lobbying bill will affect charities' ability to campaign on political issues. This was in the Guardian. He wrote:

The Electoral Commission, Britain's elections watchdog, has concluded that government plans to curb political campaigning by charities before a general election are flawed and in part unworkable.

In a private briefing sent to interested parties, the commission says that it has "significant concerns" about the coalition's lobbying bill, that some parts of it may be unenforceable and that it is not at all clear how the new restrictions affecting charities will work.

The strength of the commission's criticisms will embolden campaigners hoping for a government U-turn, although the speed with which the government is planning to push the bill through the Commons has raised fears that ministers are not in the mood for compromise.

It seems this devious bunch of geezers used quite a clever ploy - they published the details of the Bill the day before Parliament broke up for their jolly old summer hols! Neat timing that! Do you read all your correspondence the day before you pack your swimming trunks? I bet you don't. That's just what Lansley, Clegg and pals thought too!

Andrew Sparrow went on to write in his article:

Under the current rules third-party groups such as charities can spend up to £989,000 during this period on material, such as leaflets, that could affect the outcome of the election.

The bill not only slashes this limit to £390,000, but also broadens the definition of what counts as spending – to include overheads and staff costs – and widens the definition of what counts as election-related activity to include work that could affect the outcome, even if that was not its purpose.

The bill limits spending per constituency to £9,750, and lowers to £5,000 the amount charities can spend before they have to register with the Electoral Commission.

Understandably, the charities and other pressure groups are not happy. Sparrow quoted one of them:

John Sauven, executive director at Greenpeace, one of more than 100 charity organisations that have expressed concerns about the bill, said the legislation was "the most pernicious assault on campaign groups in living memory".

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2013/aug/25/lobbying-bill-charities-campaign-election

If this is democracy in action, I'll eat my tail! But I discovered more. The National Council of Voluntary Organisations (NCVO) stated:

Crucially, the bill introduces a definition of ‘activities for election purposes’ which is so broad and unclear that it could capture a range of the day-to-day activities charities carry out, entirely legitimately, as part of their campaigning and advocacy work.

Furthermore, the limits of expenditure for carrying out such activities have been drastically reduced, in some cases by up to 70%. Staff costs are to be included in these amounts, even though political parties are not expected to do the same.

Charities are already bound by charity law and therefore cannot be party political. But these changes would be likely to put the frighteners on charities that campaign on important issues and may want to use election time as an opportunity to raise awareness. This is mainly because, according to the explanatory notes, the rules apply not only if the intent is to promote the view of a particular candidate or party, but also considering the effect of the activity.

http://blogs.ncvo.org.uk/2013/08/18/transparency-of-lobbying-bill-unintended-consequences-or-trojan-horse/

So - Arturo's presentiments are right!! But then, of course, I knew they would be - they always are. However, his worst fears were expressed by Polly Toynbee in the Guardian. Her article was headed:The lobbying bill will save corporate PRs but silence the protesters: Today parliament must wake up to a lobbying law designed to muzzle the government's biggest critics before the election

Now that could not have been said any clearer, could it? She went on to write:

Why the rush? To get the law in place by next May, so the clock starts ticking to gag campaigning for the year's runup to the 2015 election. Nick Clegg is a prime mover on this bill, as minister in charge of constitutional reform. Why are the Lib Dems so gung ho for something so illiberal? They are said to fear targeted campaigns, such as the National Union of Students reminding voters of Lib Dem MPs who signed up "in blood" to a pledge never to raise tuition fees. The government hotly denies this bill will do anything other than prevent US-style abuse by "Super-Pacs" spending unlimited sums on campaigns and supporting a party without mentioning its name. But that's already banned

Ah ha! So 'Wailing Lad' Clegg is at it again. This time trying to save his own skin! I think that's a lost battle. Most LibDem voters now wish they'd torn up their voting papers before putting them in the ballot box, last time! One even told me:

I'll never forgive the bastards!

Toynbee finished her article by writing:

he shocking state of British party funding should indeed be the real issue, but nothing here stops Ashcroft money flowing, or the shadowy Midlands Industrial Council funding the Tories, or dinners for donors in Downing Street. Nothing curbs the obscene sums all parties spend – a combined £31m at the last election. Electoral corruption sickens voters, already profoundly alienated from party politics. But this is just another crude gerrymander to hobble Labour and gag the government's most dangerous potential critics – charities more trusted by the public than any political party.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/sep/03/lobbying-bill-corporate-prs-silence-protest

So, as far as I can see nothing is safe in the hands of those who wander along the corridors of No. 10. Macmillan once accused Margaret Thatcher of 'selling off the family silver' - he hadn't seen nothin! This bunch of geezers are now demolishing the buildings!

Me and Arturo are off for a bit of Italian nosh in Soho!

Bye

Ready for Mischief @ No. 10

"Well, after returning from his 4th holiday of the year, 'Boy David' Cameron is all ready to create some mischief! You just need to look at his face!" Arturo said knowingly.

Certainly, after the beach towel fiasco in Cornwall, Cameron needs to display some gravitas for once! Gravitas is not his natural demeanor, like all PR men - he's desperate to please anyone who comes in sight! If you're that type, then smiles, winks and nods are the order of the day. We've seen plenty of those from Cameron, even when using a Mickey Mouse towel! What a bloomer, you might say: a Mickey Mouse towel for a Mickey Mouse prime Minister!

So what mischief might 'Boy David' be up to in the coming months? Well - he's due some U-Turns - he has to keep up the habit, surely. The obvious one is HS2! On July 24 2013, Cameron was reported in The Evening Standard as saying:

...a new high-speed rail line is "essential" if the UK is to be a "winner in the global race".

..."I think it will bring a big benefit to a region like the North West and I think it will bring a big benefit to our country for this reason: I think if we want to be in the front rank of countries, if we want to be a winner in what I call the global race, then we've got to have a really fast and efficient transport infrastructure.

"I think when you look at what really makes a difference to the economic geography of a country it's those big decisions to build the big motorway, to build the high-speed line as we did through the Channel Tunnel. It's those decisions that can make a real difference to your country."

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/transport/hs2-project-essential-says-david-cameron-8728728.html

That's telling 'em! Great convictions there! Smiles, nods and winks all round! But - hang on a bit, there are nasty mutterings in the wings:

Lord Ashcroft, a former party donor and an influential figure in the Conservatives, said that Mr Cameron “must scrap HS2 and scrap it now”.

His intervention came after Alistair Darling, the former Labour chancellor and transport secretary, warned that the UK’s rail network could “fall apart” because of the spiralling cost of High Speed 2.

Mr Darling described HS2 as “foolish” and warned that if it goes ahead, there will be no money for “maintaining and upgrading existing lines”.

This was in the Telegraph on August 23 in an article by Peter Dominiczak. He continued:

The Government has estimated the cost of HS2, which will see 225mph trains running from London to Birmingham by around 2026, at £50 billion including rolling stock.

However, the Institute for Economic Affairs has suggested the eventual bill would be £80 billion, and it has been reported that the Treasury is working on a figure of £73 billion.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/road-and-rail-transport/10263360/Tory-peer-Lord-Ashcroft-calls-on-David-Cameron-to-scrap-HS2.html

Already the signs of a U-Turn are looming!

Then there's fracking! Another can of worms for our PR PM! Will he frack, or won't he frack? That is the question! Let's hope he doesn't dither like Hamlet. But no doubt he will soon announce: 'the Americans can frack if they want to - but the UK is NOT for fracking!'

The biggest potential mischief of all, however, is Syria! To intervene or not to intervene. Now that really is a question. Already the armed forces have been so depleted under this muddled, hypocritical Coalition that they can now barely protect the UK from invasion! But will our laughing boy PR PM get the message? We can only trust that he will. Isn't it time that the UK should behave like Switzerland and keep out of other nation's business and just mind its own? Maybe, we could even learn to make cuckoo-clocks!

After all, there's no money! No real army - navy or air force left! So, 'Boy David' Cameron get your Mickey Mouse priorities right. Set Georgy Osborne's nose to the grindstone and put the UK house in order!

For the first time for months, Arturo and me are going ratting! Arturo is convinced he's smells vermin in No 10! No pizza for us tonight!

Smoke gets in your eyes @ No. 10

"Have a fag and a glass of strong cider, Butch!" Arturo said.

"No thanks!" I replied.

"No need to thank me, mi old pal. The alcohol and tobacco lobbies have fared more than well under this Coalition! Fags and booze galore in Downing Street! Surprising when you consider how 'Boy David' Cameron was mouthing it off so heartily a few months ago."

"Mouthing it off?"

"Yep!! Don't you recall? In the Spring, in fact, he hinted there would be minimum alcohol pricing and plain cigarette packaging in the Queen's Speech! Doctors all over the country were both pleased and relieved. Then ... along comes Lynton!"

"Lynton?"

"One Lynton Crosby the Conservatives' election campaign manager." Arturo winked in an unnerving way. "He has a PR and lobbying firm called Crosby Textor. According to The Mirror Crosby Textor has long-standing links with the alcohol and tobacco industries:

Lynton Crosby: David Cameron's top aide's links to the alcohol industry revealed:His lobbying company works for a drinks industry body that has campaigned against minimum alcohol pricing in Australia

The article by James Lyons went on:

New laws to force cigarette firms to sell fags in plain packs have also been shelved since Mr Crosby was hired, along with a compulsory register that would make lobbyists reveal their clients

Downing Street yesterday refused to say whether the PM believes lobbyists undertaking government work should come clean about their clients.

Now the Mirror can reveal that Mr Crosby’s PR and lobbying company works for a drinks industry body that has campaigned against minimum alcohol pricing in his native Australia.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/lynton-crosby-david-camerons-top-1875010

Sounded a tad dodgy, I thought! First Cameron is all for minimum alcohol pricing - now he's done his usual U-turn! I decided to find out a bit more detail. A bit more detail?? There were so many stories that I almost sank under the weight! In 'The Conversation', I found the following headline:

Industry trumps evidence in tobacco packaging U-turn

The article commented:

The Conservative party’s chief strategist Lynton Crosby has come under fire for suggesting that the party should focus on core issues such as the economy and immigration rather than public health measures such as plain packaging and minimum alcohol pricing.

But Crosby’s lobbying firm Crosby Textor Fullbrook (CTF) has served the tobacco industry since the 1980s and currently provides advice to tobacco giant Philip Morris. ...

The Department of Health has emphasised that the “UK is known the world over for its comprehensive, evidence-based tobacco control strategy”. It’s a sharp irony, given that the the government is now doing the opposite through an explicit decision to put the demands of tobacco manufacturers and retailers before the health of the public and reducing costs to the NHS from treating smoking-related illnesses.

http://theconversation.com/industry-trumps-evidence-in-tobacco-packaging-u-turn-16069

So 'comprehensive, evidence-based tobacco control strategy' is what we have here in the UK! I don't think so! Not now 'Boy David' Cameron's holding the reins! Maybe politicians reckon they know best about policy - but health?? That's quite another matter. Pulse, the media for general practitioners had an article by Sofia Lind after the Queen's Speech. She wrote:

GPC Deputy chair Dr Richard Vautrey told Pulse: ‘The Government would be letting the nation down and caving in to the alcohol industry if it failed to take action on alcohol pricing. They were quick to blame GPs for the rise in A&E attendances but if they were really serious about reducing unnecessary visits to A&E they would take tackling alcohol abuse more seriously.’

‘[With regards to] smoking, it is exactly the same. Smoking still kills thousands of people each year and the Government has a moral responsibility to protect citizens and should be taking all steps possible to reduce the number of young people starting to smoke and helping current smokers stop.’

Professor Clare Gerada, chair of the RCGP, said: ‘It was hoped that the Government would take forward bold measures to tackle alcohol and smoking – two of the biggest challenges facing the NHS in the coming years. That the Government has backed down on both of these issues is disappointing, and we urge Ministers to reconsider the weight of evidence suggesting that action is needed.’

http://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/clinical/therapy-areas/addiction/plain-cigarette-packaging-plans-in-doubt/20002897.article#.Uegdzaz9wWk

There was still more to come! The Independent's Andrew Grice wrote:

The Prime Minister was accused of using “weasel words” after he and his official spokesmen repeatedly refused to answer the question of whether he discussed plans to bring in plain packaging for cigarettes with Mr Crosby, whose company Crosby Textor represents the tobacco giant Philip Morris.

... The row intensified when the Government formally abandoned a plan previously backed by Mr Cameron to set a minimum unit price for alcohol to combat binge drinking. Crosby Textor also represents a drinks industry body that has campaigned against minimum pricing in his native Australia.

Mr Cameron told the Commons: “He [Mr Crosby] has never lobbied me on anything.” Later he told a press conference: "This is a complete red herring which is raised by the Labour Party because it is in political trouble… with its relationship with the trade unions.”

The Prime Minister said the decision not to go ahead with plain packaging for cigarettes was taken by him and Jeremy Hunt, the Health Secretary, “for the very simple reason that there is not yet sufficient evidence for it and there's considerable legal uncertainty about it.”

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/smoking-gun-david-cameron-dodges-lynton-crosby-cigarette-packaging-controversy-question-8713969.html

And all this in the light of a report by Peter Griffiths of Reuters:

Alcohol is one of Britain's biggest health problems, responsible for 1.2 million hospital admissions in 2012, the government said. It has been linked to heightened risk of liver damage, cancer, stroke and heart conditions.

Announcing his minimum pricing plans last year, Cameron said he realised it would not be popular with everyone, but that "We can't go on like this".

"The responsibility of being in government isn't always about doing the popular thing. It's about doing the right thing," he said in a foreword to the government's alcohol policy strategy in 2012.

http://uk.reuters.com/article/2013/07/17/uk-britain-alcohol-idUKBRE96G0R320130717

What a merry-go-round! No wonder Arturo is offering fags and cider to all and sundry! It's a funny old world! The Cameron Government is still assessing the impact that minimum alcohol pricing and plain packaging for cigarettes would have on health! Do they really think we're so stupid and we don't understand the real score? Or do they think that smoke has gone not only into our eyes but into our brains as well!

Artuto and me are off to a bistro in Soho tonight!They may have some Chianti but there won't be any fags!

Bye

Fannie & Freddie @ No. 10

"Hey, what do you think of Fannie & Freddie coming to Downing Street?" Arturo asked me.

Now, I'm not as daft as some may think I look! I knew full well that Fannie and Freddie weren't the cats from the Treasury kitchen, no siree! Them moggies is called Fenella and Frankie and they earn their keep by catching the vermin that crawl in through the Treasury door! I knew that Arturo meant Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Furthermore, not being dumb, I also knew that Fannie Mae is the 'Federal National Mortgage Association'. I also knew that Freddie Mac is the 'Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation'. See! I'm not just a cuddly toy!

However, though I wouldn't admit it to Arturo, I hadn't a clue what he was on about them "coming to Downing Street". I decided to investigate.

I looked up all the stories I could think of that might have inspired Arturo's cryptic comment. I discovered :

George Osborne's Help to Buy scheme 'a moronic policy': Leading analyst says chancellor's flagship scheme artificially inflates prices and drives the young into 'indentured servitude'

That was the headline in the Guardian on 4 June 2013. The article was written by the Economics Editor, Larry Elliott. The article stated:

George Osborne's scheme to boost the housing market through state mortgage subsidies has been dubbed one of the "most stupid economic ideas" of the past 30 years by a leading City commentator.

Now he ain't mincing his words! I was enthralled and continued reading:

Albert Edwards, who heads the global strategy team at Société Générale said the chancellor's flagship Help to Buy programme was artificially inflating property prices and driving young people deeper into "indentured servitude".

See what Arturo meant by the Fannie and Freddie allusion? Some wise cat, eh?? I went on reading Elliott's article:

... "Why are houses too expensive in the UK? Too much debt. So what is George Osborne's solution for first-time buyers unable to afford housing? Why, arrange for a government-guaranteed scheme to burden our young people with even more debt! Why don't we call this policy by the name it really is, namely the indentured servitude of our young people.

"I believe it truly is a moronic policy that stands head and shoulders above most of the stupid economic policies I have seen implemented during my 30 years in this business. It ranks above some of Alan Greenspan's very worst blunders.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2013/jun/04/george-osborne-help-to-buy-moronic

If you think that the opinion expressed by the 'leading City commentator', Albert Edwards, was a trifle harsh when he called 'Georgy' Osborne's policy 'moronic' - then take a look at the 'Comments' section below the article!

It seems that 'Georgy' has been more than a little head-strong in putting forward the 'Help to Buy' policy. It has even caught the eye of The International Monetary Fund. In their 'United Kingdom—2013 Article IV Consultation Concluding Statement of the Mission May 22, 2013', the IMF made the following comment:

"This measure may temporarily help boost confidence in the housing market, but there is a risk that, in the absence of an adequate supply response, the result would ultimately be mostly house price increases that would work against the aim of boosting access to housing."

http://www.imf.org/external/np/ms/2013/052213.htm

Oh dear, 'Georgy'!! You've gone and put your big foot right in it, again!! Don't you ever learn nothin'?? Didn't you learn that sub prime means just what it says sub ---- prime!! That ain't no way to run a business, let alone a country's finances!!

Just to let you know a little secret - another disaster befell the Osborne household. This time of the feline kind!! Know what I mean?? The Metro reported:

George Osborne’s missing cat accused of being a Chinese spy after returning

It stated:

George Osborne’s cat, which went missing for two years, has been accused of being a foreign spy after suddenly returning.

Inquisitive Freya is under suspicion after she showed up last year at Downing Street to the surprise of the chancellor and his family. ...The cat has apparently been spotted in secure areas of the Foreign Office, inside Number 10′s cabinet room and even allegedly tried to access the Treasury.

‘Some of us think the Chinese got her,’ said a Conservative source.

‘She can get everywhere. You’d only have to bug her and you could find out half the government’s secrets.’

If Freya did turn out to be a spy then it would have been the purrrfect deception.

http://metro.co.uk/2013/06/10/george-osbornes-missing-cat-accused-of-being-a-chinese-spy-after-returning-3835335/

So - you see what Arturo and me put up with! Tonight, we're off to the Italian Deli - lookin for a nice bit of salami - know what I mean??

Bye

The 'Trouble & Strife' to save Cam @ No 10

"I had a butchers at it through the window, mi old pal, and would you Adam and Eve it, I saw 'Boy David Cameron's 'trouble and strife' trying on her 'titfer'?" Arturo was clearly amused. Not a pleasing sight!

"Just exactly what are you trying to tell me, Arturo? Speak in plain English!" I asked with as much dignity as I could muster.

"Ah! I see you don't appreciate my use of cockney rhyming slang! I'll translate for you:

I had a 'butchers' is cockney slang for 'butcher's hook' = look!

would you Adam and Eve it = believe it

'trouble and strife' = wife

Titfer short for Tit-for-Tat = hat

And to put my observations into the language of the mundane - it's been suggested that Mrs Samantha 'Ever so Nice, ain't I' Cameron is the answer to the Conservative Party's and 'Boy David's woes!!!"

So, let's see whether Arturo is right. Andy Coulson, the man who once advised the PM, then as fast as he rose, disappeared from No. 10, was quoted in the Telegraph by James Kirkup as saying in GQ magazine:

“The time has now come for Sam to play a more public role and take some risks,” ... “She should now be persuaded that the 2015 campaign is already underway and she’s badly needed in the trenches.”

I say, old boy - 'badly needed in the trenches', surely that's a bit over the top! But then, of course, that's just what took place in World War 1 - and look what happened!

Coulson was quoted further as saying:

Mrs Cameron is “one of the few people able to see straight to the heart of a matter and offer a clear, sensible view”.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/david-cameron/10090047/Only-Samantha-Cameron-can-save-the-Conservatives-from-defeat.html

Well, well! That is quite an assertion. If Mrs Samantha 'Ever so Nice, ain't I' Cameron is one of the few people able to see straight to the heart of a matter and offer a clear, sensible view, I'd say there's more trouble than even Arturo thought! I don't recall Denis Thatcher, Norma Major, Cherie Blair or Sarah Brown being called in to see straight to the heart of a matter and offer a clear, sensible view. No siree! No doubt each of the couples had private chit-chats about what was going on - but as for asking Denis, Norma, Cherie or Sarah to have 'a more public role and take some risks' or tell them that they were 'badly needed in the trenches' - I think not!

Yet now it is being seriously suggested that there is such chaos at No. 10 that 'her upstairs' needs to be called in to save the sinking ship! Well - I ask you!!

In addition, Andy Coulson has views on other perils facing 'Boy David' Cameron. In the Guardian, Patrick Wintour quoted from the same GQ article:

Andy Coulson: Boris Johnson wants to be PM – and David Cameron knows it:

Cameron's former media adviser draws up Tory battleplan for 2015 election victory and blows cover on party tensions

Among other things, Wintour wrote:

Coulson suggests No 10 needs a strategy to handle Johnson. He writes: "No 10's Boris strategy should be simple. Support his good ideas, advise privately on the bad ones, but only engage publicly if absolutely necessary – and celebrate Boris's considerable successes."

He reveals that Cameron knows Johnson is after his job. He recounts a discussion with the prime minister in 2008, when Johnson was considering standing as mayor. "Boris Johnson desperately wants to be prime minister and David has known that fact longer than most,"

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2013/may/29/andy-coulson-boris-johson-pm-david-cameron#ixzz2UhvXVvxS

Maybe - just maybe - Coulson thinks that Mrs Samantha 'Ever so Nice, ain't I' Cameron knows how to fix 'Mop-Head' Johnson. It seems that few others are able to do so!! The man has been referred to in an 'Independent' Editorial as

A Teflon politician called Boris

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/editorials/editorial-a-teflon-politician-called-boris-8636305.html?origin=internalSearch

"Wasn't there once a Mafia Boss called the 'Teflon Don'", I asked Arturo.

"Yep - but the Teflon came off and things stuck to him in the end!" Arturo said.

Maybe, Mrs Samantha 'Ever so Nice, ain't I' Cameron is a great little housewife and knows just how to get rid of Teflon! Who knows? So Cameron's 'trouble and strife' might be an asset, after all.

Poor old 'Boy David' Cameron - he may be the PM but the Boy's really under siege! Still, he'd better listen to his 'trouble and strife's' 'rabbit and pork' if he wants to survive!!

Just to translate the rhyming slang for the uninitiated:

trouble and strife = wife

rabbit and pork = talk

Speaking of 'rabbit and pork' - me and mi pal, Arturo, are eating in again. We heard that 'her upstairs is having a right old 'nosh' tonight and there's bound to be left-overs.

Oh! You want a translation of 'nosh', do you? Just to show my erudition and ability to switch parlances:

nosh is Yiddish for eating

Am I versatile - or am I versatile?

Bye

So 'intensely relaxed' @ No. 10

"Are you feeling relaxed, Butch?" Arturo asked me.

"No, not particularly. Why?"

"Thought you might have caught this feel for relaxation from 'Boy David' Cameron. After all, he's so relaxed that he doesn't have a clue what's going on around here!"

Arturo is right, of course. Cameron is determined to preserve an outward aura of complete calm. I even noticed that he now regularly drinks his coffee from a mug with the words:

KEEP CALM and CARRY ON

The reason Arturo and I are interested in 'Boy David' Cameron's sense of well-being is two-fold. Firstly, just before some of his Tory backwoodsmen - whoops - sorry! - backbenchers were due to table an amendment to the Queen’s Speech that will call for a referendum on Britain’s membership of the European Union, Downing Street said:

the prime minister was “relaxed” about the Bone-Baron amendment

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/1fb5c722-b8c2-11e2-a6ae-00144feabdc0.html#axzz2Ug0XNQZZ

There was quite a hoo-ha about this. Janet Daley, in the Telegraph, wrote:

David Cameron is so relaxed I want to slap him

She went on to comment:

... Why on earth did he have to say that he was “intensely relaxed” about the EU referendum battle? What the public heard was not confidence but smug insouciance about the whole question of EU membership. I don’t know about you, but when somebody tells me that he is “intensely relaxed” about something that I find deeply worrying, it makes me want to slap him.

Which brings us to the heart of public doubts about Mr Cameron: people are not afraid that he is a secret Europhile, they are afraid that he is an incurable snob who is altogether too “intensely relaxed” about things that concern them (and whose allies, we learn, think Tory supporters are “swivel-eyed loons”).

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/david-cameron/10065503/David-Cameron-is-so-relaxed-I-want-to-slap-him.html

How I love that phrase 'smug insouciance' - it has a real ring to it! And it sums up, so well, 'Boy David' Cameron and his pal next door 'Georgy' Osborne!

The second reason why Arturo and I are fixated on Cameron being so 'intensely relaxed' is because in the midst of a number of crises in the country, 'Boy David' and little wife, Samantha, went swanning off to Ibiza for a relaxing break! It did not go unnoticed. Melissa Kite, in the Guardian, wrote:

David Cameron's relaxation may be his downfall: The prime minister's sunshine holiday at a time of national crisis can only add to the Tory right's simmering resentment

Oh dear! He's gone and done it again! He's drawn attention to his need to 'relax'. Melissa Kite continued:

David Cameron is setting an example to us all by going on holiday to Ibiza and being photographed smiling in the sun with his wife. Aides of the prime minister underlined this point when they explained that Cameron had gone on a week-long break with a small staff because he had "not had a holiday since Christmas". While one does not want to be begrudging, or insinuate that the PM does not deserve downtime, it is only stating facts to point out that not having had a holiday since Christmas is not exactly the definition of hardship these days.

Now, I wish to point out that neither Arturo nor I have had a holiday at the seaside in our whole lives!! And are we complaining? No, siree, we ain't!!

Melissa Kite went on to write:

A still more potent puzzler is why Cameron is able to chill out on a beach this week. It seems that no matter what happens, be it European Union revolts or terror attacks, the briefing from No 10 is always the same: "The prime minister is relaxed."

He is starting to remind me of a horse asleep on its feet. You admire the trick, but wonder how on earth they pull it off.There are those who praise this relentless imperviousness to any notion that he has to prove himself.

I find it offputting.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/may/27/david-camerons-relaxed-style-downfall

Melissa Kite does not only find it 'offputting', she adds the comment:

... when the going gets tough, the tough go to Ibiza.

Is 'Boy David' Cameron really so 'intensely relaxed'? Neither Arturo nor I believe this to be the case! We've heard him pacing the floor! We've seen him scratching his chin! We've heard him rehearsing his lines. Those are not the doings and utterings of an 'intensely relaxed' man! No! All this harping on about being 'relaxed' is the sure sign of the mantra of a PR man who believes that if he says a thing often enough - it is true!

For the sake of his future in British politics, 'Boy David' Cameron might be better advised to roll up his shirt sleeves; wipe beads of perspiration from his brows; dust some coal-dust on his cheeks and say:

"Ee bah gum" it's rough 'ere at pit-face - and me and Georgy are workin' our socks off!"

Then maybe - just maybe - we'd all have some respect for the goings-on at Number 10 and Number 11.

Me and mi pal, Arturo, are eating in tonight. We don't want anyone saying of us: 'while the cat's away the mice will play!" Remember the dictionary definition of this is:

when the person in authority is absent, people will not do what they should do

http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/While+the+cat%27s+away

Oh dear!!!

Bye