It's All Mouth at No. 10

"Promises! Promises! Or maybe it's 'pie in the sky'!" Arturo shook his head as he mused over Cameron's various pronouncements. "Just take a look at some of these little gems." He pointed towards various screens that the interns and spads had left on.

I peered at one particularly bright screen and read:

NHS weekend: 7-day services explained

It was on the BBC site. Halfway down the screen, I read:

What does the government want?

There are two strands to the policy. Firstly, they want local GP surgeries to open on a Saturday and Sunday.

... In terms of hospitals, the focus is on extending what is already available.

Of course, this is what Cameron says he wants! So - how is it all going to be paid for?

The BMA is concerned whether it will be properly funded, saying the extra money being promised for the NHS this parliament - £8bn by 2020 - was just meant to be for keeping current services afloat.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34150672

Ah! Ha! So where's the extra dosh, Mr Cameron? Is there any?

The Nuffield Trust expressed concern on their online site: The Nuffield Trust Chief Executive Nigel Edwards was quoted as saying:

Making seven-day working a reality may [...] mean closures or mergers of local services, such as emergency surgery or maternity units. So, this will not only cost additional money beyond the £8bn but it will also require political bravery.

http://www.nuffieldtrust.org.uk/media-centre/press-releases/nuffield-trust-responds-government%E2%80%99s-seven-day-nhs-plans

'Political bravery!' Well - that's one way of putting it! Blatant politicking is what Arturo would call it! I decided to investigate further.

The BMA unsurprisingly had views on this and expressed them on their website:

Seven days │ seven questions

#Showusthe7dayplan

The BMA has asked David Cameron seven questions about his plans for the world's first 'truly seven-day NHS'.

So far, he has only answered one.

So what were those questions, do I hear you ask? Well, here they are:

• Will the cost of a ‘truly seven-day NHS’ mean some services will have to close?
• Where’s the plan to find, train and fund the full team needed to deliver a ‘truly seven-day NHS’?
• Can the Prime Minister promise no reductions to weekday services in a ‘truly seven-day NHS’?
• A 'truly seven-day NHS' needs a truly seven-day care system: where's the plan for this?
• Can the government find the money to pay for a 'truly seven-day NHS'?
• How will the government prioritise emergency care in a 'truly seven-day NHS'?
• When will the Prime Minister define what he means by a 'truly seven-day NHS'?

What was telling was the comment the BMA made after the question:

'Can the government find the money to pay for a 'truly seven-day NHS'?

This is what the BMA stated:

The NHS is facing a £30bn funding gap by 2020. The government has pledged £8bn of additional funding - enough to keep the NHS running as is, but not enough to pay for extra care and the additional staff and resources needed to deliver it.

The government must explain how it will fund more weekend care at a time when many hospitals are in serious financial difficulty and general practice is under unprecedented pressure.

And how will they address the existing staffing shortages? It takes 10 years to train a GP, and around 13 years to train a consultant - the workforce can't simply be increased overnight.

http://www.bma.org.uk/working-for-change/doctors-in-the-nhs/seven-day-services/show-us-your-plan

So - my friends - Mr Cameron needs to be reminded of the favourite rhyme:

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride:

He seems to think that opening his mouth and promising something that is a good PR line fools the people into thinking it will happen - no pain at all - it just happens because he wishes it so! As Arturo would say: "Put your money where your mouth is, mate!"

All this talk about 'It's all mouth!' made me think of food! Well, it would, wouldn't it? So I thought - me and Arturo are partial to a bit of scampi - so we're off to the local Italian Deli. They do a nice little side dish of scampi and calamari! Yum Yum!

Think of a Number at No. 10

"Think of a number, mi old pal." Arturo said in a very conspiratorial way. "But don't tell me the number."

"OK!," I replied, "twenty-four!"

"I said - DON'T tell me! Now start again - think of a number."

I nodded.

"Add 2. Add 1. Take away 4. Add 1. Now take away the number you first thought of." Arturo waited while I did the maths! Then smugly, he said, "The answer is nought!"

I was amazed. "How did you do that?"

"It's simple, really - it can be done with any number." Arturo said. "Just look at what our Prime Minister does with numbers, all the time!" Arturo pointed to a pile of old print-outs from blogs and newspapers left standing under the Cabinet Office table.

I sauntered over and saw Arturo had highlighted some articles. Here is just a flavour of what he had found:

It was obvious that as long ago as 2013 - the PM appeared to be having trouble with his numbers!

David Cameron given a lecture on 'debt' and 'deficit' by top statistics official

That was the headline to Rowena Mason's article in The Telegraph in which she wrote:

David Cameron has been taught the difference between "debt" and "deficit" by Britain's top statistics official, after he was accused of confusing the two economic terms.

....The Prime Minister was issued with the explanation by the UK Statistics Authority, after he claimed in a Conservative Party political broadcast that "we are paying down Britain’s debts.”

The article continued quoting Andrew Dilnot, chairman of the Statisics Authority who confirmed that

... national debt has risen from £811 billion to £1,111 billion at the end of 2012. He copied the Prime Minister's Chief of Staff in Downing Street into his letter.

"It is clearly important for all parties to public debate in this area to understand the relevant statistical definitions and to distinguish changes in the level of debt outstanding from changes in borrowing per period, and to reflect these in their communication of the statistical trends involved," he wrote.

"These are definitions which accord with concepts set out in European and international statistical accounting frameworks."

In the same article, the then Shadow Chief Secretary to the Treasury was quoted as saying:

“It is hugely embarrassing for David Cameron that he has had to have the difference between borrowing and debt explained to him by the chair of the UK Statistics Authority ...it's time the Prime Minister stopped deliberately misleading people about his economic record.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/9842553/David-Cameron-given-a-lecture-on-debt-and-deficit-by-top-statistics-official.html

Oh dear! In 1988, David Cameron, now our PM, got a 1st Class Honours degree in PPE from Brasenose College Oxford. And - don't forget the 'E' stands for 'economics'!! What was Cameron doing during seminars?

I perused the clippings further and found a real gem in The Independent

David Cameron's numbers problem: From NHS spending to immigration caps – how the Tories can't get their figures straight

That was the headline of Adam Withnall's article which proceeded to dissect the facts and figures. Here are some snippets:

• '£13bn more on the NHS'

David Cameron boasted that his Government had increased NHS spending by £12.7 billion – and that’s right. Spending on the health service increased from £100bn in 2010/11 to a planned £113 billion in 2014/15.

But in the Coalition Agreement, Mr Cameron pledged to guarantee “real term” increases on health spending – factoring in inflation.

It therefore seems inconsistent to not factor in inflation this morning – if he had done, Mr Cameron would have said spending on the NHS had only really increased by £5 billion – but that doesn’t sound quite as impressive.

"That's either smoke or mirrors! perhaps, a bit of both!" Arturo interjected in my ear.

• ‘Net migration into tens of thousands’

A famous objective expressly put forward by the Government was “that net migration be reduced to the tens of thousands by the end of the current Parliament”. Generally, this has been taken to mean an objective of net migration under 100,000.

... it stood at 298,000 in the 12 months ending September 2014, well above what Mr Cameron was aiming for.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/generalelection/david-camerons-numbers-problem-from-nhs-spending-to-immigration-caps-how-the-tories-cant-get-their-10147119.html

"Umm! He certainly can think up numbers!" Arturo commented.

After all this reading I was punch drunk with numbers - lies, damned lies and statistics!

But there was also this numbers thing in Syria that had been highlighted by Arturo.

Ian Johnstone writing in The Independent had the headline

Syria air strikes: MoD disputed David Cameron's claim there are 70,000 moderate rebels

Johnstone wrote:

The Ministry of Defence reportedly asked for the controversial claim that there are 70,000 moderate rebels in Syria to be removed from the Prime Minister’s statement to MPs in which he made the case for air strikes on Isis.

The Sun newspaper, citing a Whitehall source, reported that senior defence staff had described the number as “misleading” and too high, based on reports from intelligence officers based in Lebanon.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/syria-air-stirkes-mod-disputed-david-camerons-claim-there-are-70000-moderate-rebels-a6759746.html

Whoops! And as if that wasn't enough then read what Conservative MP, Dr Julian Lewis, Chairman of the Defence Select Committee, said in the recent Commonsdebate on Syria:

So instead of having dodgy dossiers we now have bogus battalions of moderate fighters.

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201516/cmhansrd/cm151202/debtext/151202-0002.htm

Really! So, what is David Cameron's opinion of Dr Lewis? On his internet site, Dr Lewis quotes a comment made by Cameron in 2010:

"Julian Lewis has a formidable reputation in the field of defence and disarmament... Julian is held in very high regard by defence experts..."

http://www.julianlewis.net/

So what's 70,000 when you're among friends! Maybe our PM should start taking a few remedial maths classes. Surely, the PM needs to know how many beans make five! Or maybe not!

There was loads more! But I couldn't face it! Still got indigestion from too much turkey leftovers!

So I decided to take Arturo out for some posh nosh in the basement of The Savoy where one of my cousins, Francine, has just taken up residence! "Les moules marinières pour deux, s'il vous plait!", as Francine would say!

'Butcher' Osborne strikes again at No. 10

Arturo is in a right old spin - one minute he's packing his bags - the next he's throwing darts at photos of the 'Wrecker' and the 'Butcher'! In his sleep he mumbled: "Northern powerhouse! What Northern powerhouse?" He woke up in a real strop.

He's right, of course. 'Butcher' Osborne with his elfin-look-a-like hairdo is a veritable Vampire in disguise. Just read this snippet about him from The FT.

What is it about the north? True, Osborne represents the prosperous Cheshire seat of Tatton near Manchester — but it is only recently that he has thrown his energies into pursuing his “northern powerhouse” agenda, intended to link up cities such as Liverpool, Manchester and Leeds (electoral wastelands for the Tories) into a single economic unit, capable of becoming Britain’s second global hub alongside London. The “northern powerhouse” should be a Labour idea; instead, it is perhaps the best example of Osborne grabbing a concept and pursuing it when he can see economics, politics and personal ambition all aligning. “When that happens, he’s on to it in a flash,” says a fellow Tory MP.

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/d1d65690-c2ae-11e4-a59c-00144feab7de.html

So what exactly will he be 'linking'? Factories? Furnaces? Steelworks? This is what The Mirror thought about it:

George Osborne’s Northern Poorhouse the reality as nation's steel industry hangs by a thread

That was the headline above an article written by Stephen Hayward and Dan Warburton. No 'powerhouse' but a 'poorhouse'. The article stated about Osborne and his plans:

He boasted of creating a “Northern Powerhouse” and transforming the lives of millions of workers.

But Chancellor Osborne’s plans are in tatters .

In a stinging attack, union leaders, politicians and experts tell the Sunday Mirror how his strategy for boosting economic growth in northern cities has fallen into chaos.

It comes as Indian firm Tata Steel is preparing to announce 1,200 job losses in Scunthorpe, Lincs, and two Scottish sites.

Another 2,200 workers have already been made ­redundant after the Thai-owned SSI plant in Redcar, T­eesside, shut down.

TUC boss Frances O’Grady said: “The North has already paid a huge price in cuts and ­under-investment – and there’s more to come.”

If this was 'Butcher' Osborne's idea of a powerhouse, one has to wonder what future there is for the whole of the UK!

In the same article, Hayward and Warburton quoted Roy Rickhuss, head of the steel union ­Community:

“If David Cameron is serious about building a Northern Powerhouse then let him prove it by taking the action we need to protect steel jobs in Scunthorpe and across the whole region.

“The Government has the tools they need to help, now they just need to find the political will.

“Whether it’s car factories, the construction sector or the defence industry, the whole economy needs a successful steel industry.

“One thing is for sure, without steel, a Northern Powerhouse cannot be built.”

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/george-osbornes-northern-poorhouse-reality-6654242

Isn't it strange that a large proportion of 'Butcher' Osborne's photo opportunities show him down among the workers, wearing a hard hat. It may be white - it may be yellow but it sure is hard! He likes to show himself as marching along with the 'makers' of this country. Remember his 2011 Budget Speech when he talked about 'the march of the makers'? Nice little sound bite! Appeals to the patriots! So - where are these 'makers'? Let's see what the media think has happened:

'March of the Makers' goes into reverse

In July, that was the headline above the Birmingham Post opinion article written by Professor David Bailey who

... asks what happened to the much-heralded plan to rebalance the UK economy and use manufacturing to underpin its growth Whatever happened to the 'March of the Makers' ...?

This year has so far been pretty dire for UK manufacturing. The sector's growth was only a meagre 0.1 per cent in the first three months of the year.

And when the figures come in, we'll probably see that manufacturing declined in the second quarter.

I say that as manufacturing output actually fell in April and May as the strength of sterling - now at a seven-year high - began to bite. Production was down 0.6 per cent in May compared with the previous month, following a 0.3 per cent fall in April.

http://www.birminghampost.co.uk/business/business-opinion/march-makers-goes-reverse-9696685

Now, instead of donning the old hard hat, 'Butcher' Osborne has put on the smooth jacket of international diplomacy to woo the Chinese. Maybe he meant an 'Eastern powerhouse' instead of a Northern powerhouse. Whatever he meant, Carrie Gracie, the BBC's China editor wrote:

Whitehall sources tell me the so-called "Osborne Doctrine" does amount to a strategic shift on China, one in which the prime minister has let the chancellor drive the agenda and where reluctant members of the cabinet are being "dragged along".

The chancellor wants China to become the UK's second-largest trading partner by the end of the decade. He points out that while growth in China has slowed, it is still supplying about a quarter of global growth, enough to add an economy the size of the UK's over five years.

Mr Osborne insists that this is a golden moment, where the interests of the UK and China align. China's maturing economy can absorb more of the services which are British export strengths.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-34539507

So - it's the golden opportunity for the 'Osborne Doctrine', is it? And all this in the context of China dumping cheap steel onto the UK market! So cheap, in fact, that British Steel furnaces are closing with the loss of thousands of jobs. And where are the lost jobs, do I hear you ask? In the North!! Of course.

Arturo was quite sick! He coughed up at least two fur-balls! The image of 'Butcher' Osborne smiling at the Chinese made him feel quite ill. But then so did this item found, in of all places, The FT :

The slightly dishevelled figure in the tracksuit and T-shirt stoops down and carefully scoops up the dog excrement deposited on the Downing Street lawn by Lola, a diminutive bichon frise. It is shortly after 6am on a February morning. The security cameras swivel as the man and his winsome dog complete their morning constitutional, the start of a normal day for George Osborne.

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/d1d65690-c2ae-11e4-a59c-00144feab7de.html

As Arturo said; "Anyone who has to shovel sh** for a bichon frise can't be right in the head! And we're trusting the nation's finances to him!!"

Me and Arturo are going to venture to a small Chinese takeaway round the corner to have a taste of the 'golden future' by sneaking a bit of chicken chow mein! Appropriate, don't you think?

Bye

No more Mr Nice Guys at No 10

Me and Arturo are back from our jolly old hols! We ate Dover sole at the seaside. Tasty! Very tasty! We watched Arturo's sister's kittens frolic in the garden. We sniffed out the house mice but caught none. Then we moseyed on back to Downing Street.

We found the place almost deserted - a few hopeful Spads, a handful of Interns - a row of blinking computers and Larry! Larry seems disenchanted with life. He's even thinking of upping sticks and joining 'Stirrer' Corbyn. Larry thinks the nosh in Islington would be more up-market.

We asked if this joining up with 'Stirrer' Corbyn was an idealistic concept. Larry said: "No - purely gastronomic". He said "Cameron and Osborne lack good taste in food". Arturo muttered, "Much in the way in the same way they lack taste in behaviour and political judgement".

With his view on life ringing in my delicate feline ears, Larry stalked off to the flat next door! Arturo and me then perused the papers left strewn round the office. Here are just a snippet of what we found:

Benefit cuts to hit huge number of children, government figures show Children are seven times more likely to be affected by changes to the benefits cap.

Now, that's a real holiday news headline! Guaranteed to cheer the hearts of the already hard hit families. The article in The Guardian by Patrick Butler and George Arnett continued:

More than 330,000 children from low-income families in Great Britain will be hit by Conservative plans to reduce the benefit cap, the government’s own impact assessment has concluded.

The policy will take an estimated £300m out of the pockets of the affected families in its proposed first full year of operation in 2017-18, costing those who are hit an average of £63 per household each week.

Can things get worse? Well read on, my friends:

The impact assessment also notes that:

• Single mothers will be hit hardest as a group by the cap – constituting 59% of those affected by the change.

• More than three-quarters of the households affected will be aged between 25 and 44.

• As many as 37% of those affected may be ethnic minority households – although the study says this cannot be precisely quantified.

The DWP estimates that the cap will save £300m in cash terms in 2017/18, rising to £480m in 2021. But it admits that it has not yet modelled the costs of supporting those families affected.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/jul/20/benefit-cuts-to-hit-huge-number-of-children-government-figures-show

Arturo then pointed to another headline:

Benefit cuts deaths: Time for Iain Duncan Smith to reveal the true cost of Tory policies

The article was written by Keir Mudie in The Mirror. The article stated:

The Sunday People has joined the campaign backed by more than 200,000 people for the DWP and IDS to come clean on how many people have been killed by their policies

To the Government they are just statistics – 49 deaths on a spreadsheet.

But behind the figures are vulnerable people scared and confused by changes to their benefits. Some are feared to have taken their own lives as a result.

The true toll of those who may have died due to benefits worries is unknown, as the Government stubbornly refuses to reveal figures - despite being ordered to by the Information Commissioner.

The watchdog told the Government to reveal the actual number of deaths, but instead it wants to release 'age-standardised mortality rates' which one campaigner described as a 'fudge'.

More than 200,000 people have so far signed a petition demanding the Department for Work and Pensions, run by Secretary of State Iain Duncan Smith, discloses the details.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/benefit-cuts-deaths-time-iain-617788200

That's enough on benefits - Arturo and me thought! To modify a famous political saying "Things can only get worse"! So we decided to see how the NHS has been faring - after all Cameron vowed to 'protect' it, didn't he?

Well, well, well - in looking for NHS news, another 'Jeremy' hits the headlines not 'Stirrer' Corbyn this time, but 'Old Snake Oil' Jeremy Hunt, he who looks constantly surprised! And so he should be! He should be surprised that any thinking person could vote him in as an MP! He should be astonished that any right-thinking person could make him a Secretary of State! Of course, there was no right-thinking person about! There was Cameron and that says it all! But enough of this! What did the headlines say?

#ImInWorkJeremy: doctors' working weekend selfies and open letters go viral

That was in 'The Guardian' in an article by Elena Cresci. She wrote:

Doctors have been sharing selfies and open letters about the pressures they face at work after the health secretary, Jeremy Hunt, called for healthcare professionals to work a seven-day week.

On Thursday, Hunt said he would impose weekend-working contracts and said working patterns need to change.

One has to wonder whether our 'Jeremy' works at all! He looks so constantly surprised that I wonder he can get out of bed in the morning!

Elena Cresci quoted several NHS doctors including this :

Some doctors wrote open letters to the health secretary on Facebook. Laura Land, a doctor from Telford, wrote a status subsequently shared by thousands:

She wrote:

Are you at work this weekend Jeremy? Because I am. Thank you for making out that we’re lazy, money-grabbing Doctors who don’t want to work long hours, especially at the weekend. Despite being employed part time (I have a 9 month old son at home), I’ll have worked over 60 hours this week. We, Jeremy, are the people skipping lunch so we can make sure our patients’ paperwork is done so they can go home on time. We’re the people missing family birthdays, our friends’ weddings, our children’s first steps, because we’re putting our patients’ needs first. We are the people that don’t see our own families anywhere near as much as we’d like to, because we’re busy taking care of yours.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/jul/20/iminworkjeremy-doctors-working-weekend-selfies-open-letters-jeremy-hunt-nhs

Are you surprised by this, Jeremy Hunt? We're not! However, Arturo was not done with the searching. He found:

NHS: Junior doctor’s open letter to David Cameron goes viral

This time, it was The Independent who lambasted our 'Old Snake Oil' Hunt.

Kunal Dutta wrote:

The Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, last week issued doctors an ultimatum by warning that they must accept new working hours which cover the weekend or else he will impose the changes unilaterally.

The article quoted Janis Burns, who works at the Royal Brompton and Harefield NHS Foundation Trust. In the article, she was quoted as challenging the Prime Minister,

...to attempt to treat a patient “on the brink of death” after a long stint of night shifts. “You try managing that after you’ve been up all night and then tell me the NHS isn’t 24 hours 7 days a week 365 days a year,” she wrote in the letter. She also accused Mr Hunt of “deliberately attacking” the profession and being “hell-bent” on convincing the public that doctors do not provide a seven-day service.

“On Wednesday morning this week I returned to work at 0800. I worked the weekend in Intensive Care as a junior doctor, for your information I was working from 2000 to 0900 on Friday, Saturday and Sunday i.e. I was part of the team that provided a 24 hour, 7 days a week, 365 days a year service,”

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/nhs-junior-doctors-open-letter-to-david-cameron-goes-viral-10400502.html

Shall I go on? No, I think not! It's too depressing for the season of sand, sea and sunshine! Just think what November will bring!

Arturo and me, however, have decided on a new policy. No longer will the PM be 'Boy' David as you will have grown accustomed to - no, sirree! He from henceforth will be known as 'Wrecker' Cameron for his general wrecking. And as for his side-kick from No. 11, 'Georgy', - well Arturo and me have a new alias for him too - it's 'Butcher' Osborne. That's for carving up the whole country!

As for me and Arturo - we still have Downing Street almost to ourselves. We found a new Italian Deli and the Chef has taken quite a shine to Arturo. He's promised us some anchovies and sardines! Maybe some Pasta alla Norma and a bit of likëngë would be very nice. Yum! Yum!

Bye

Machiavelli woz 'ere at No. 10

"The world has gone mad!" Arturo said. "At best, you could say it's turned upside-down! The BBC are now responsible for parts of the welfare system! The NHS is not 'N' any more! And by next week - there may not even be a euro! Though that's nothing to do with Downing Street!"

Arturo pottered off to the kitchen to console himself with any scraps left over from last night's Dover Sole fest!

I glanced at a flickering tablet on one of the Spad's desks and sauntered over. The screen read:

George Osborne: £12bn in welfare savings have been found

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-33399650

My! My! I thought - that's smart going 'Georgy' Osborne. How did you manage that? I read the BBC News feature further:

Chancellor George Osborne says he has identified how the government will make the £12bn of welfare cuts promised in the Conservative election manifesto.

He will announce the bulk of the savings in his Budget on Wednesday, the BBC understands.

Those known so far include a reduction in the benefit cap and removing subsidies for social housing.

Mr Osborne is also expected to announce the BBC will have to meet the £650m cost of TV licences for over-75s.

That wasn't all - no, siree!

Mr Osborne said the welfare cuts were needed to prevent even deeper cuts to public services and to fulfil the government's aim of eliminating the deficit and running a surplus.

"So yes, we've got to find savings in welfare - and we have found that £12bn of savings in welfare that we said we'd be able to find in the election," he said.

The headline Budget announcement over the weekend was a clampdown on "taxpayer-funded subsidies" for "higher earners" living in social housing in England.

All I can say is: "Tell that to the fairies, Mr Osborne!" ...'prevent even deeper cuts to public services' - I can tell you there ain't many more 'cuts' he could make! The 'public services' are on their bloomin' knees already because of 'Georgy' Osborne.

And what's this about the BBC?

The BBC needed to make a "contribution" towards the deficit, which, BBC News understands, will include the corporation having to cover the free licences

Since when was the BBC responsible for giving 'perks' to pensioners? As Arturo said 'the world has gone mad'! I think we'd better see exactly who, in Downing Street, is hiding a copy of Machiavelli's 'The Prince' under their bed! because there sure are devious minds at work round here!

Of course, tomorrow we'll hear the whole devastating package! Can't wait!

The prospect of the Budget has made me feel peckish - I'm off to the kitchen too to find some stinking fish! There's plenty of that round here.

Bye

Plus ça change @ No. 10

Well, it's been a month since the last blog post! Arturo and me thought there'd be some changes around here! But .... nothing doing. It's the same old bunch minus 'Wailing Lad' Clegg. Now he really has something to wail about!

Arturo and me sat up all night with a big bowl of scampi to see the results on TV! It was obvious very early on that 'Boy David' Cameron would be back together with his pal 'Georgy' Osborne. Now - they have to make good all those pre-election promises: more money for all; no tax rises; fewer migrants; a compliant EU! All of this with jam on top, as they say!

It's early days, I think they call it a 'honeymoon' period! Then the reality kicks in.

We've had many visitors to Number 10 and Number 11 Downing Street - but last week - we had the strangest one ever. It was a heron! Yes, my friends, you did read that correctly - a bloomin' great heron, bold as brass walked right in. Here's what the papers had to say:

HERON flies into No10 Downing Street and perches on top of famous black door

Dan Bloom wrote in The Mirror:

It has police guards and high metal gates - but that didn't stop a 3ft bird breaching Downing Street security.

With police guards and high metal gates, it fends off everyone from terrorists to anti-Tory protesters.

But Number 10's security has been breached - by a heron.

In a bizarre turn of events, the huge bird flew in today and trotted around the entrance before perching on top of the famous black door.

It was spotted by Downing Street special advisor Ramsay Jones, who said it'd taken refuge after being attacked by a crow.

After gamely posing for a few photos, it eventually flew away.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/heron-flies-no10-downing-street-5778482

Me and Arturo missed the kerfuffle! And kerfuffle there surely was! After all what if this 'ere heron had got at the goldfish!

The story also ran in The Evening Standard where Ramzy Alwakeel wrote :

The gates of Downing Street may have held angry anti-austerity protesters at bay yesterday - but they proved no match for this heron, which alighted on the Prime Minister's front door this afternoon.

The wading bird, whose natural foods are fish and other small aquatic animals, ignored security and landed on the open door at about 2.30pm.

It was photographed perched there by special adviser Ramsay Jones.

"Guess what just flew in to No 10?" he tweeted, adding: "Not so much #herongate as knock knock knocking on #heronsdoor."

... This isn't the first time Mr Cameron has shared headlines with a few feathered friends.

It was revealed in 2010 he regularly played Angry Birds on his iPad - which later prompted fears spies may be able to access sensitive data by hacking the game.

Ramzy Alwakeel continued :

... On the day Parliament was dissolved, Mr Cameron's cat Larry had bristled on the steps of Number 10 at a police sniffer dog.

Journalists, who had been outside the house since dawn, also saw a fox seemingly pursuing a duck up Britain’s most famous street.

"You may not believe this but a fox has just chased a duck up Downing Street; this has become an election fairy tale," tweeted BBC political correspondent Ross Hawkins.

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/heron-invades-10-downing-street-after-fleeing-crows-advances-10282027.html

If you're interested - and it's a big 'if' in our books - there's a picture of Larry - the upstairs cat confronting a sniffer dog! Of course, us understairs cats keep ourselves to ourselves. We have better things to do than court publicity! We're sharpening our claws and waiting for the shenanigans that will surely start happening once the SNP brand new MPs have got their bearings.

In the meantime, we thought we might have a look to see what's on the menu tonight at the local fish and chips! Of course, 'Boy David' Cameron may be bringing back lots of lovely Continental nosh from his whistle-stop tour of European capitals such as: frankfurters from Berlin; Camembert from Paris; Zupa buraczkowa from Warsaw! Or - he may just get a wet fish in the face from some of these European pals. Maybe, just maybe, that's why the heron came visiting! Canny birds, herons!

Bye

What planet are they on? @ No. 10

"What would you like for your birthday, mi old pal?" Arturo asked with a very sly grin. "I can give you anything - I truly mean anything - that you want in the world!"

I was gobsmacked! Arturo was generous - but to offer me anything in the world was a bit too far, even for him!

"Do you spy a catch in the offer?" He queried. "It's no more nor less than what 'Boy David' Cameron is offering to the whole country! He's giving tham a 'pledge' to give them everything and anything that they could possibly want. There's just one teeny-weeny proviso - they have to vote Conservative on May 7. What d'ya think of that?"

I decided to investigate this 'pledge' Arturo was on about. It wasn't hard to discover. Michael White writing in The Guardian under the headline:

David Cameron's dishonest and foolish tax pledge is an insult to voters

commented:

David Cameron’s latest pledge that a re-elected Tory government would legislate for a ban on tax rises in the next parliament is economically illiterate as well as politically dishonest.

For brazen incoherence it is up there with the kind of Daily Mail front page splash (“Miliband eats babies”) we have been reading these past few weeks. From an incumbent prime minister, even one addicted to tactical solutions, it is quite startling; a “gimmick”, as Ed Balls kept protesting on Wednesday.

Well, well! 'economically illiterate and politically dishonest! Those are hard words indeed. Though to be fair, Michael White didn't absolve any of the other parties either:

Are the plans of the two Eds – Balls and Miliband – for tax and spending much better? Not really, as Larry Elliott’s brisk summary of the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) analysis explains. Nick Clegg’s are probably slightly more plausible (I cannot remember their thrust except that they are in between the others), but the Lib Dem leader’s likely leverage on events after 7 May makes it rather less important. The Greens and the SNP? Don’t even ask.

In varying ways they all subscribe to the tree-grown theory of money which suggests something will turn up, probably for the best, that will allow them to make good the spurious promises they make to voters – on housing, the NHS, education, childcare, budget surpluses – despite the fragility of our credit-driven economy.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2015/apr/29/david-cameron-tax-lock-pledge-insult-voters

So what was the wording of that particular Cameron 'pledge' that provoked this ire? Writing in the Financial Times, Elizabeth Rigby, George Parker and John Aglionb commented

David Cameron will on Wednesday promise a law banning any rise in income tax, VAT or national insurance in the next parliament, in a highly unusual move that would severely restrict the Treasury’s room to manoeuvre if he won a second term. Mr Cameron hopes the tax promise will inject momentum into his campaign, by highlighting the party’s commitment to low taxes ...

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/663896e0-edbb-11e4-90d2-00144feab7de.html

Ummmm! So what happens if the famous Rumsfeld adage turns out to be true? You don't recall that - well let me remind you:

There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/d/donaldrums148142.html

Now that convoluted little adage hides the faintest whisper of a truth! There are events in the future that we - and by that I mean Cameron et al, as well - cannot forecast! So - how can a man, hopefully in his right mind and living on this planet, state that :

"I make this pledge that if you elect me as your Prime Minister there will be no increase in VAT; no increase in National Insurance; no increase in income tax."

On ITV News

... Europe Editor James Mates asked Mr Cameron: "Five years ago you promised not to raise VAT, is this promise designed now to convince a skeptical public that you won't break that promise again?"

Mr Cameron responded: "Unlike in 2009, 2010, I've seen the books, I've been doing this job for five years, I know what remains to be done."

http://www.itv.com/news/story/2015-04-29/cameron-conservatives-would-ban-tax-rises-until-2020/

So - my friends - just watch this space! Will the tax 'lock' hold? Will the tax 'lock' give way? Will the tax 'lock' be picked? The possible scenarios are legion! Of course, that wily old bird, Harold Macmillan, knew the real face of politics

When asked what was the greatest challenge for a statesman, British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan reportedly responded, in his inimitable style, “Events, my dear boy, events.”

http://www.othermeanspolitics.com/home/quote-of-the-week-events-my-dear-boy-events

It's a shame that 'Boy David' Cameron is such a rubbish historian and such a shameless PR man!

He's not the only one who is chancing his arm. 'Interfering Old Git' Murdoch is playing a similar game with the voters. The Sun in England gives its support to the Tories! Whereas in Scotland - support goes to the Scottish Nationalist Party!

Do they take the British public to be fools - or horses?

Me and Arturo are still guzzling on the caviar nibbles that are lying about the place. With all these 'pledges' flying around - the good times are still to come - or are they?

Bye