Curiouser and curiouser at No. 10

Arturo and I have discovered where the ice cubes are! We're getting ready to stock up on them! 'Why?' do I hear you ask? Well - from now on and for the next few months, life is going to the dogs in Downing Street! That's not to say it was a bed of roses before! But now - the General Election 2015 is around the corner and it's going to be chaos. We'll need the ice cubes for our heads!

'Boy David' Cameron no longer rates 'Wailing Lad' Clegg who positively loathes the ideas from 'Georgy' Osborne's Treasury! Of course, it's politics red in tooth and claw! Me and Arturo have a front row seat!

The journalists are cutting their talons so that they can type more quickly! The TV interviewers are stocking up on 'Fisherman's Friend' to tone up their vocal cords. The spads are already in a spin! It's a great life - if they don't weaken!

Beauticians and hairdressers will be having a field day - not just here but all over Westminster. For instance, Andrew M Brown writing in the Telegraph, last year under the headline:

Why are male politicians so terrified of looking bald?

He went on to comment:

What exactly has happened to David Cameron's hair? How is that a bald patch which seemed to be expanding aggressively over the crown of his head has now apparently receded, or at least is no longer visible? The answer almost certainly lies in the brilliantly clever artistry of Lino Carbosiero, the PM's hairdresser, who has been awarded an MBE. Hair experts I've spoken to say that Mr Cameron appears to have grown his fringe longer so that there's plenty to sweep back over the sparse patch at the back. This is known as a "curtain".

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/andrewmcfbrown/100253222/why-are-male-politicians-so-terrified-of-looking-bald/

And that was written a year ago - before the spin doctors had started twirling themselves into knots!

But it's not just our PM who has had the attention of the hairdresser, oh no! In the Guardian, last year, there was the headline:

Tory conference diary: George Osborne works on his image makeover Chancellor tries to shed his elitist image with a new haircut and a cockney man-of-the-people act

Michael White commented:

What with George Osborne’s bloke-ish new pudding basin haircut, it’s hardly surprising that even fewer people recognise the former metropolitan elitist. The man who rented the chancellor’s family the pimped-up pink campervan in which they toured the Peak District last month refused to believe that the cockney man-of-the-people in his office was that George Osborne (“We ended up having to Google it”). But the makeover remains a work in progress. When George was rehearsing yesterday’s big speech his coach was overheard trying to get him to relax more. “Be more like Dave,” she said. Osborne opened his jacket and writhed.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/sep/29/tory-conference-diary-george-osborne-chancellor

'Be more like Dave'! I wouldn't, if I were you, Georgy!

There were other comments about the Chancellor's 'new look': Matt Chorley writing in the Mail Online under the headline:

Truth about Osborne's trendy haircut: Chancellor left in the dark about scale of cutbacks when aides took him to the salon

Chorley commented:

It was one of the most dramatic cutbacks of George Osborne’s tenure in the Treasury.

But when the Chancellor underwent his makeover in a smart London hair salon, he had ‘no idea’ how much of his mop would end up on the stylist’s floor.

At the time, Mr Osborne admitted that the new look was in part designed to disguise a bald spot.

He joked that Michael Gove had told him: ‘You have applied your economic policy to your hairstyle. You have turned it around to stop the recession.’

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2739628/Truth-Osborne-s-trendy-haircut-Chancellor-left-dark-scale-cutbacks-aides-took-salon.html

So - 'Georgy' Osborne had the image complex well in advance of the Election race!

What about 'Wailing Lad' Clegg? Well - he has great confidence in what he thinks is his 'boyish' charm! So - he isn't cutting his hair. But he is acting like a male model. Rowena Mason and Lauren Cochrane wrote an article under the Guardian headline:

Nick Clegg liberal with his wardrobe at party conference Deputy prime minister distracts journalists with several changes of outfit in one day at Liberal Democrat conference

They went on to comment:

Nick Clegg has attracted mockery for changing into at least four different outfits in one day at the Liberal Democrats’ autumn conference in Glasgow.

The party leader and deputy prime minister chose to wear casual attire for three public appearances, but wore a suit between outings.

Clegg wore a suit on ITV’s Good Morning Britain, before appearing in jeans or dark trousers and a light blue shirt to visit a primary school with his wife, Miriam González Durántez.

He later appeared on stage at the party conference for a question and answer session wearing a different, darker shirt and some blue-grey trousers. ... Clegg’s choice of clothes appeared to distract journalists from the substance of his remarks, as speculation grew over what it revealed about his attitude towards the conference.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/oct/06/nick-clegg-liberal-democrat-conference-wardrobe

So - you can understand why me and Arturo are sweating! These hair style changes and the fashion show were just the curtain call! Can you imagine what it's going to be like now the curtain is actually rising?

We're off for a bit of spaghetti tonight - Arturo does amazing artwork with strands of pasta!

Bye

The Loose Cannon @ No. 10

"Duck, mi old pal!" Arturo said.

"Why what's wrong?" I asked nervously.

"Watch out for those cannon balls that are flying this way." Arturo, crouching low, pointed dramatically to a Guardian headline:

Downing Street files reveal how Oliver Letwin kept poll tax plans alive

The article by Alan Travis stated:

A young adviser to Margaret Thatcher who is now a minister for David Cameron explicitly suggested that Scotland be used as a testing ground for the introduction of the poll tax, the flagship policy that was eventually to topple her as prime minister.

Oliver Letwin, now a Cabinet Office minister, emerges in official papers publicly released on Tuesday as the man who single-handedly kept the idea of the poll tax alive in the mid 1980s despite attempts by two senior ministers to strangle it at birth.

Travis ended commenting:

The steamroller was to prove unstoppable all the way to the mass riots of 1990 after its introduction into England and Wales – and its role in triggering Thatcher’s downfall six months later.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/dec/30/downing-street-files-oliver-letwin-poll-tax

The Telegraph, in an article by Gregory Walton, stated:

David Cameron’s policy chief Oliver Letwin lobbied Margaret Thatcher to force through the "poll tax" despite warnings from leading ministers that it would be politically "catastrophic", it has emerged.

Letwin, then a policy wonk at Number 10 and now Minister for Government Policy, persuaded the Prime Minister to defy both her Home Secretary and Chancellor and retain the tax officially known as the Community Charge.

The scheme, a forebear of council tax, proved disastrous with widespread rioting and Cabinet dissent over the scheme which was characterised by its detractors as a tax on voting.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/margaret-thatcher/11316656/David-Camerons-policy-chief-lobbied-for-poll-tax-despite-warnings.html

So there you have it in a nutshell! Here was - Oliver 'Loose Cannon' Letwin - the 'policy wonk' of Thatcher, of Iron Lady fame, being shown to have pulled the plug on her career. What it is to have friends and advisers! But Thatcher wasn't the only one who had their career cannon-balled by Oliver ''Loose Cannon' Letwin. No siree - just take a gander at this from the New Statesman:

Oliver Letwin's biggest gaffes

In this article, George Eaton wrote:

... Letwin, then shadow chief secretary to the Treasury, was forced to go into hiding during the 2001 election campaign after briefing newspapers that the Conservatives planned to cut taxes by £20bn, far more than the £8bn promised by William Hague. He told the Financial Times that he was "190 per cent" confident that the Tories could offer additional cuts.

A furious Michael Portillo [then shadow chancellor] replied: "The figures are not right. I have made it perfectly clear that in the first budget I am only committed to £2.2bn worth of tax cuts and that is to produce the reduction in the tax on fuel ... At the end of my second year, I will have produced £8bn of tax cuts."

But the damage was done, with Labour producing "wanted" posters for Letwin.

Incredibly, Letwin, by now shadow chancellor, all but repeated the error three years later when he was secretely recorded telling the Institute of Economic Affairs that he would like to cut public spending by billions more than planned but that it would be electorally disastrous to do so.

Letwin said that his preference would be to cut spending to "shall we say 35 or 30 per cent of Gross Domestic Spending" - rather than the 40 per cent planned by the Tories. His comments were political gold for Gordon Brown, who replied: "These are the most amazing admissions. We know he was committed to £18bn of spending cuts but now, by cutting public spending from 42 per cent to 30 per cent of GDP, he would cut £150bn. That is the equivalent of cutting health and schools from the public budget."

http://www.newstatesman.com/blogs/the-staggers/2011/10/letwin-cut-ideas-exist-20bn

At the 2001 Election, it was William 'Cocky-Boy' Hague who lost the chance to become Prime Minister and then resigned from the Leadership of the Tory Party!

So two balls fired from the badly aimed sights of Oliver 'Loose Cannon' Letwin and, with uncanny accuracy, two Tory leaders felled! What's it they say about 3rd time lucky!! Well, all Arturo and I can do is hope that 'Boy David' Cameron was given a sturdy flak-jacket for Christmas. Why? Well - where to begin?

1. There will be a General Election in May 2015

2. Oliver 'Loose Cannon' Letwin holds a senior position in Cameron's Cabinet!

No - really - I kid you not. Despite his amazing dexterity at wounding his party leaders - someone, somewhere, somehow thinks Letwin has a brain cell! Yes! Really! They must do. Why? Because 'Loose Cannon' Letwin is - wait for it - Minister for Government Policy. Yes! You did read that correctly - this 'policy wonk' who doesn't know his Poll Tax from disaster or his Budget predictions from gibberish is now the leading light in guiding POLICY for Cameron!!!

You couldn't make this story up - if you tried! Not even Spielberg could have written a better script!

Arturo and I are off to the Sales to see if we can buy some tough cannonball-proof outerwear! Then we're off for some fish & chips!

Bye

Cloud Cuckoo Land at No.10

"Did you hear it?" Arturo asked.

"Hear what?" I hadn't a clue what he was on about.

"The cuckoo!" he chuckled. "No neither did I, mi old mate, but I tell you this - we're right in the middle of Cloud Cuckoo Land here in Downing Street!"

Now - let me explain what had made Arturo come to this conclusion. Before the Leader of the Opposition got involved at Prime Minister's Questions, this was heard from Richard Bacon Conservative MP for South Norfolk:

On Monday morning at Norwich research park, I thought I heard the sound of a cuckoo, which was remarkable since we have not even reached Christmas, let alone spring. Does the Prime Minister agree that this may be further evidence of the strength of our long-term economic plan?

The Prime Minister: I was delighted to meet my hon. Friend and other Norwich MPs at Norwich research park

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201415/cmhansrd/cm141203/debtext/141203-0001.htm

I really couldn't believe my ears. Richard Bacon commenting about a cuckoo heralding 'the strength of our long-term economic plan'. He and the Prime Minister clearly live in Cloud Cuckoo Land which the Oxford English Dictionary defines as:

A state of absurdly over-optimistic fantasy

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/cloud-cuckoo-land

Now - if he'd heard a wise old owl - that would have meant something - but a cuckoo!! It shows you the sorry state of affairs of British politics today that they have to resort to cuckoos!

Prime Minister's Questions was the usual knock-about performance one has come to expect. However, what we were all waiting for was the much heralded Autumn Statement from 'Georgy' Osborne. Everyone was in their place - or were they? There was one notable exception - 'Wailing Lad' Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister. And where was he? The BBC reported that:

The deputy prime minister said he chose to "talk to normal people" in Cornwall.

He told LBC he was not "sheepish or ashamed" of what Chancellor George Osborne announced.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-30326161

There you have it! From out of one of the cuckoo's beaks! He went to "talk to normal people". Ipso facto, MPs are not 'normal people'! Well, you said it, Deputy Prime Minister!

Arturo and I have not yet digested the full facts of 'Georgy' Osborne's Autumn Statement - neither of us has an economics degree - but maybe that's no bad thing! However, the Institute for Fiscal Studies, who arguably do understand such things were quoted in The Guardian by Phillip Inman. The headline was:

Osborne’s spending cuts will change state ‘beyond recognition’, says IFS

The article quoted the IFS Director, Paul Johnson:

“... it is surely incumbent upon anyone set on taking the size of the state to its smallest in many generations to tell us what that means. How will these cuts be implemented? What will local government, the defence force, the transport system, look like in this world? Is this a fundamental re-imagining of the role of the state?”

Later the article quoted Johnson:

“We calculate that, just to keep the pace of departmental spending cuts over the next parliament to that which has been achieved over this parliament – that is cutting at just over 2% a year – would require welfare cuts and or tax rises of about £21bn a year by 2019-20.”

Phillip Inman ended the article with a comment from Frances O'Grady, general Secretary of the TUC:

“The chancellor now wants us all to pay the price for his failure by cutting public services down to a stump with the loss of a million jobs.”

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/dec/04/george-osborne-spending-cuts-change-state-beyond-recognition-ifs

So this Cloud Cuckoo Land ain't Utopia! No siree, if Paul Johnson is correct when he says: "... just to keep the pace of departmental spending cuts over the next parliament to that which has been achieved over this parliament – that is cutting at just over 2% a year – would require welfare cuts and or tax rises of about £21bn a year by 2019-20." To me and Arturo this sounds a regular Dystopia! A world in which the poor just get poorer even if the rich get richer!

Arturo was looking thoughtful, then he said: "All this reminds me of the story about the South American Dictator who, when he addressed the downtrodden people, announced:

"When I took over this country - we stood on the edge of a precipice. I can now tell you, we have taken a big step forward!"

Arturo is right! This country is on the edge of a precipice, isn't it? And now .....? We all know what lies at the bottom of a precipice!

Hang on a minute! I thought I saw a bird flying passed the window. Could this be Richard Bacon's fabled cuckoo? No. I think it was a vulture flying over Downing Street!

Before the calamity hits us all, me and Arturo are going out to cheer ourselves up! We're off to have a bit of coq-au-vin with Anatole, Arturo's second cousin!

Bye

Osborne's sleight of hand @ No 10

"Well, well!" Arturo said "'Georgy' Osborne is living up to his usual self, I see!"

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"He speaks before thinking out the real consequences of what he's saying. For instance, think about what he said regarding the reduction in the debt to be paid to the EU." Arturo nodded sagely. "You see, his brain just can't keep pace with his mouth! He tells everyone just what he knows they want to hear - never mind the facts! After all - why let facts get in the way of a good story. That's his motto, isn't it?"

I knew just what Arturo meant. On ITV News, there was a report stating in its headline:

George Osborne: Britain to pay half of disputed £1.7bn EU bill

The report continued:

George Osborne has said that Britain's disputed £1.7bn EU bill has been halved, delayed and will not include interest.

However, British officials told ITV News Europe Editor James Mates that the £850m of the bill not paid up front will be covered by a rebate Britain was due to receive in future.

Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls claimed the Chancellor was "trying to take the British people for fools" with the deal and has in fact not saved the taxpayer "a single penny".

http://www.itv.com/news/story/2014-11-07/george-osborne-britain-to-pay-half-of-disputed-1-7bn-eu-bill/

So - the '£1.7bn EU bill has been halved, delayed and will not include interest'! Amazing! A real sleight of hand! Or was it?

Fraser Nelson in the Spectator blog wrote:

George Osborne will tonight return from Brussels bringing peace with honour. He says he has agreed to hand over just £850 million to the EU, rather than the £1.7 billion it asked for, as a penalty for having the fastest economic growth in Europe. If true*, how did he wangle it?

In the postscript to the blog, Nelson added:

* Unkind souls are suggesting that the £1.7bn bill was a gross figure, presented before the rebate which would have halved it anyway. And that Osborne has simply presented the net figure, without having negotiated a penny reduction.

http://blogs.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/2014/11/did-george-osborne-halve-britains-eu-bill-by-admitting-that-his-growth-is-a-mirage/

Ian Traynor, writing in The Guardian had the headline:

UK to pay £1.7bn EU bill in full despite Osborne’s claim to have halved it : Chancellor says bill was cut to £850m but Treasury aides admit Britain is also returning its automatic rebate, making up the rest

So - here we go again - it's a real 3-card-trick! One minute the UK has to pay £1.7 billion by December - Hey presto! The next minute - the UK will only have to pay £850 million! If it sounds too good to be true when dealing with the EU's canny Commissioners - then it probably is just that - too good to be true!

Traynor's article continued by quoting Mr Osborne :

“Instead of footing the bill, we’ve halved the bill,” he said following a meeting of EU finance ministers in Brussels and talks with the European commission vice-president in charge of budgetary affairs, Kristalina Georgieva.

The chancellor asserted that a bill for £1.7bn was now one for £850m – to be paid by 1 September next year in two instalments, one by the deadline, the other in July.

While insisting that the invoice had been reduced, Treasury aides conceded that Britain will pay the £850m while also returning the rebate cheque to Brussels, meaning that the full £1.7bn will still be paid.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/nov/07/uk-pays-full-eu-rebate-despite-osborne-claim-he-halved-it

What exactly is going on? Well - shall we be fair to 'Georgy'? It does seem there's a right old mess in Brussels! Such a mess that 'Boy David' Cameron went puce in the face and totally lost control of his Eton education English grammar lessons.

Nadeem_Walayat writing in The Market Oracle quoted from the speech given by the puce-faced Mr Cameron when the news of the £1.7 debt to the EU first broke:

"What makes me so angry about it is when you listen to some in the Commission, how they talk about it, oh well its an adjustment you just have to pay this bill that's the way it goes, sometime it goes up sometime it goes down. This is tax payers money, these are the people who employ me, I represent them and I want value for every penny they have to give in their taxes."

"It is not acceptable, it is an appalling way to behave, I am not going to pay that bill on the 1st of December if people think I are then they have another thing coming, its not going to happen".

http://www.marketoracle.co.uk/Article47895.html

Really, Mr Cameron! " ... if people think I are then they have another thing coming .." All I can say is "Grammar! Grammar! Grammar!"

To Osborne and Cameron the Humpty Dumpty saying that

“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/12608-when-i-use-a-word-humpty-dumpty-said-in-rather

seems to be the mantra by which they make their speeches!

To crown it all - another good cat bites the dust in Downing Street. 'Georgy' Osborne previously declared his affection for the 'family cat' Freya. But a man who doesn't know his half from his total cannot really be trusted. Poor old Freya has been supplanted in Osborne's affections by a pedigree pooch! One Lola by name! A creature more akin to a toy sheep than a real dog! But as the song goes

Whatever Lola wants - Lola gets!

and by all accounts she didn't want Freya around.

Lizzie Dearden writing in The Independent had the headline:

George Osborne's family cat Freya sent away from Downing Street to Kent

Dearden continued:

...The Independent's Oliver Wright said that she has also shown remarkable feline cunning sneaking around the halls of power.

“She has been found in the most secure area of the Foreign Office, inside the room in No 10 where the Cabinet meets and trying to seek entry into the Treasury. She was even caught by Mr Osborne inside his red box,” he added.

And like a good agent (or journalist) “she also likes to spend time in the bar,” he said.

“On many an evening she can be found in Westminster’s favoured political watering hole, the Red Lion – despite having to cross four lanes of traffic to get there. Apparently at the end of the evening the barmaids regularly have to carry her back home.”

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/george-osbornes-family-cat-freya-sent-away-from-downing-street-to-kent-9849853.html

The real story is to be found in an article written by Glen Owen in The Mail Online:

The Chancellor's pooch, a moody mouser - and an uneasy coalition that was doomed from the start: George Osborne evicts Freya the cat for 'bullying' his Bichon Frise dog

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2826877/The-chancellor-s-pooch-moody-mouser-uneasy-coalition-doomed-start-George-Osborne-evicts-Freya-cat-bullying-Bichon-Frise-dog.html

It seems that us cats can't trust this slippery character, Osborne! Watch out the rest of the UK!

There are after all, some advantages to being an under-stairs cat in Downing Street. No one owns Arturo! No one owns me! So, if they want to get rid of us - it's a case of 'Catch us, if you can!'

Me and Arturo are off to the Red Lion tonight to sniff out the grub. If it was good enough for old Freya - it'll be good enough for us!

Bye!

Grant Shapps 'the warm up' man @ No.10

"Did you watch old 'Apple Schnapps' Shapps at the Tory Party Conference?" Arturo asked me with a wink.

Of course I had! But I knew that Arturo was about to tell me what he saw and that I could do nothing to stop him.

"It was sheer vaudeville!" He said. "All 'Apple Schnapps' needed was a twirling moustache, a red cloak and a silver-topped cane - and you would have had a version of 'The Good Old Days' with Leonard Sachs as master of ceremonies! It was so undignified! Any moment I expected Cameron, Osborne and Gove to come on doing an Egyptian sand-dance!"

He was right! It was just as Arturo described it! Not a bit like a serious political conference. It was as if there had to be:

A joke a minute and every one a winner!

And this was a political party endeavouring to persuade its audience that they were the people to run the country! Now we know that the fabulous duo George W Bush and Anthony (call me TONY) Blair performed their tap-dancing act to initial applause - But hey! Just look at their ratings now!

Nothing daunted, 'Apple Schnapps' Shapps decided, in his opening speech to the Tory Conference, that Vaudeville was the path to tread, as Conservative Home reported:

I love Birmingham. This city is a marvel: home to the Balti triangle, Britain’s most popular Symphony Orchestra, and more canals than Venice. This is the birth-place of gas lighting; the first English translation of the Bible; and the first UK hydrogen fill-up point for cars.

That is how he began his 'welcome' to the conference speech! But it gets better:

I love our Conference, too. It’s been one of my favourite weeks of the calendar ever since I first joined our Party in 1990. You can’t beat it for seeing friends, debating, and enjoying the odd pint or two.

He went on:

Some say: “Why bother? Why keep trekking back to Conference each year?” Partly, it is the thrill and the therapy and the raw theatre of it. I remember the great white-knuckle speeches of Major, Duncan-Smith and Heseltine, the hilarious quips of Hague, the tub-thumpers from Thatcher, Howard and Widdecombe.

http://www.conservativehome.com/platform/2014/09/grant-shapps-welcome-to-this-years-party-conference.html

I know! It was a 'welcome' speech, an 'ice-breaker' - get 'em cheerful and waiting for the fun to start! But it set the stage for the whole show - er sorry - conference!

The tone was set by 'Apple Schnapps' Shapps. Here's what he had to say about other speakers:

This is going to be an extraordinary week. Later today, we're going to hear from the best Foreign Secretary this country has known for generations. William Hague.

Tomorrow, you're going to be hearing from a man who's turned this economy around. It takes guts to do what he's done. But he's stuck to his plan, we've turned a corner, and he was right all along. Our Chancellor, George Osborne.

And you'll hear from a woman who succeeded where every other Home Secretary has failed, packing Abu Qatada off on a plane to Jordan, for good - Theresa May.

Then on Tuesday you'll hear from the people fixing education, making work pay and intoxicating London - Michael Gove, Iain Duncan Smith and Boris Johnson.

And on Wednesday - you'll hear from someone who's been prepared to take tough decisions, provide the leadership and the vision.

Someone who gets up early each morning determined to turn this country around for hardworking people everywhere. That's right - our Prime Minister, David Cameron.

http://www.conservativepartyconference.org.uk/Speeches/2013_Grant_Shapps.aspx

As Leonard Sachs would have said - 'Give 'em each and everyone a big hand', this conference is

“for your delectation and delight”

Other speeches had the same Variety Hall tone. Here is a bit from the Leader, 'Boy David' Cameron:

I do the best I can. And for me, it comes back to some simple things.

Country first. Do what’s decent. Think long-term.

There’s an old story that’s told about a great hall in Oxford, near my constituency.

For hundreds of years it’s stood there – held up with vast oak beams.

In the 19th century, those beams needed replacing.

And you know what they found?

500 years before, someone had thought… those beams will need replacing one day…

…so they planted some oak trees.

Just think about that.

Centuries had passed… Columbus had reached America… Gravity had been discovered… …and when those oaks were needed, they were ready.

http://www.conservativepartyconference.org.uk/Speeches/2013_David_Cameron.aspx

He told it well! Full throttle! Full vigour! Do you agree?

Here's another well-tried performer: Old 'Bagpuss' Pickles:

... now the (European) Commission wants to go further.

Using Lisbon Treaty powers, it wants councils to stamp the EU flag on birth, marriage and death certificates.

It’s optional say the Commission.

We’ve heard that one before. Just look at the EU flag on your driving licence.

Will branding Britons from cradle to grave with EU flags drive economic growth?

No.

Will fining local community groups help balance the EU budget?

Non.

Will barmy cycle lanes and the EU’s flying circus make us love Brussels more?

Nein.

http://www.conservativepartyconference.org.uk/Speeches/2013_Eric_Pickles.aspx

Now that was a winner - he got the masses joining in with the 'No', 'Non' and the 'Nein'. They loved it! Absolute Pantomime!

I could go on! You get the gist!

As though all this Tory malarkey wasn't enough - now we have an even greater exponent of the art of Vaudeville about to prance across the stage. Can you guess?

In a cloud of cigarette smoke and with a whiff of beer?

Go on ... who is it? ...... yes!

Give him a big hand - I present to you 'For your Delectation and Delight' the one - the only :

Nigel 'You ain't seen nothin' yet' Farage!

As Arturo would say:

Just bring on the dancing girls!

As for me and mi old pal, Arturo, we're having a small plate of nibbles tonight!

Bye

A hornets' nest @ No. 10

A dreadful caterwauling came down the corridor. It emanated from No 11! I knew it must be Arturo but I could not catch the words! Then the blast hit me full force:

A Gordon for me, a Gordon for me

If you're no a Gordon ye're nae use to me

The Black Watch are braw, the Seaforths an a'

But a cocky wee Gordon's the pride of them a'.

"Do you like the refrain?" Arturo asked me. "I thought that 'Boy David' Cameron might like the lilt."

Why on earth, I wondered, would Cameron like that? Before I could ask - as usual, I was told.

"As The Sun could well have headlined it - 'It was Gordon what won it'! And before you flaunt your knowledge of all things - I know the 'Gordon' in the song refers to the Gordon Highlanders - however I am taking poetic licence."

Of course, I'm not daft - despite Arturo's comments to the contrary - so I took myself off to read the actual news reports. He was right! Gordon Brown does seem to be credited with 'saving the Union'. For example The Independent had the headline :

Scottish referendum result: Gordon Brown's place in history rewritten after decisive intervention

The article by Andrew Grice went on:

Gordon Brown has been hailed as the man who saved the Union, after his late intervention in the referendum campaign halted a slide of Labour supporters who had been planning to vote for independence.

The 'man who saved the Union'! I don't think that's what 'Wailing Lad' Clegg and Cameron have been saying about him!

Grice continued:

Mr Brown’s passionate defence of the Union in a speech on Wednesday was widely seen as one the decisive moments of the campaign. ...

Conservative ministers were happy for Mr Brown to seize the reins of the No campaign and set out a timetable for further devolution for Scotland after a No vote. They noted the irony of him propping up his Tory successor David Cameron, who would have been under huge pressure to resign after the break-up of the 307-year-old Union. Mr Brown and Mr Cameron have enjoyed a strained relationship until the past two weeks, when the Prime Minister has apparently been happy to take his calls.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/scottish-independence/scottish-referendum-result-gordon-browns-place-in-history-rewritten-after-decisive-intervention-9744892.html

So - 'the Prime Minister has apparently been happy to take his calls'!! He was, was he? Now there's a surprise! Ever the PR man - our 'Boy David' will talk to anyone whom he thinks might be a possible asset for him! As Groucho Marx once said:

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Not to be out-done by the 'cocky wee Gordon', 'cocky wee' Cameron took to the microphone at dawn on the morning of the announcement that the 'No' vote had won. The BBC reported:

As Scotland votes ''no'' to independence, Prime Minister David Cameron has said it is ''time for our United Kingdom to come together and move forward''.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-29272162

So far so good - who could argue with coming together and moving forward. Then - the PR man got carried away in an endeavour to please the Tory backwoodsmen! Caution and judgement - if he has any - went out the proverbial window! Cameron was quoted as saying

... Lord Smith of Kelvin had agreed to oversee the process of devolving more powers over tax, spending and welfare to Scotland, with draft legislation by the end of January.

Mr Cameron added that the rights of other people in the UK needed to be "respected and enhanced". He said he had long believed that a crucial missing part was England. He said "the millions of voices of England must be heard".

The Leader of the Commons William Hague has been asked to draw up plans for what would be a fundamental change at Westminster - that only English MPs could vote on English matters.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-29271763

Yes! You did read that correctly: 'by January'. According to my reckoning that is just over 4 months! So - get this, guys! 'wee cocky' Cameron who had given himself the headache of meeting the Scots' agenda in 4 months - now added the issue that had been debated and re-debated for almost a century i.e. English democracy. And - he will resolve both issues in 4 months! Below Downing Street, the earth was trembling! It was Gladstone spinning in his grave!

The Guardian had the headline:

Scottish referendum: Funding pledge to Scotland leaves David Cameron with the hangover from hell

Even Lord Barnett has called his formula which allows Scotland 19 per cent higher public expenditure per head than in England a 'terrible mistake'

The article by Anthony Seldon went on:

The pledge now leaves Mr Cameron with the hangover from hell. Many of his MPs have been vocal in their decrying of the pledge, and even Lord Barnett, now 90, has called his formula a “terrible mistake”, intended only as an interim measure in the run-up to planned political devolution in the late Seventies.

To some Conservative backbenchers, Mr Cameron was typically bounced into reactive decisions in promising too much to Scotland – a decision that has been called “reckless” by the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson. They believe that if the Prime Minister had fought a better campaign, he would never have had to make these concessions.

Significant doubts also remain over whether the proposals for further Scottish devolution will ever get through Parliament. Many voices on both Left and Right believe it is an error for such major constitutional change to be introduced with such haste

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/scottish-independence/11110848/Scottish-referendum-Funding-pledge-to-Scotland-leaves-David-Cameron-with-the-hangover-from-hell.html

So there you have it! 'cocky wee' Cameron is up the creek without a paddle. His unrealistic timetable for increased devolution for Scotland was bad enough! The added plum for the backwoodsmen of an offer of reform for England has really set the proverbial cat (Ha! Ha!) among the pigeons! Just read Andy Sully who wrote under the headline on the BBC news blog:

The papers: After the referendum, the political rows

Sully went on:

In the Sunday Mirror, John Prescott argues for a renewal of his regional assembly idea.

... "I believed if we offered more powers and made a more compelling case, people would be convinced about devolution. Scotland has just done that for us.

"It's now time for a devolution revolution. We must seize this chance to give power to ALL the people."

The idea isn't universally popular.

Jonathan Meades in the Independent on Sunday decries "localism" and asks how will a future PM "cope with the pressure of English regions seeking various levels of autonomy? And what powers should they be granted?

"How many extra levels of non-productive, ludicrously overpaid functionaries does a country need?"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-the-papers-29299057

So 'wee cocky' Cameron has stirred up a hornets' nest. We are in for 'interesting times'!

Meanwhile - Arturo and me are off for a bite of haggis!

Anyone for tennis @ No. 10?

"Love: 40 - that's what I reckon the score is - " Arturo chuckled.

Not a sound you wish to hear too often, I assure you! I really didn't know what he was on about. I was sure that he would enlighten me - and I wasn't wrong.

"Haven't you heard, mi old pal? Anyone but any one can bid to play a game of tennis with our dear PR man of a PM - give him a great hand - 'Boy' David Cameron. Always one with an eye to the main chance, he saw a great way of raising money for the poor old Tory Party! Take a look at this, mi old pal."

He pointed at his tablet and I saw the headline:

Cameron rejects calls to pay back £160K tennis match donation

The article on the BBC News web site read as follows:

David Cameron has rejected calls to pay back a £160,000 donation to the Conservatives from the wife of a former member of President Putin's government.

Mr Cameron said he would not accept money from a "Putin crony" but Lubov Chernukhin "certainly wasn't that".

Mrs Chernukhin bid for a tennis match with the PM and London mayor Boris Johnson at a fundraising event.

A 'Putin crony'!! Ah ha! It seems that this bloke Chernukhin is no longer a crony! No siree! Here is the rest of the enthralling story:

A tennis match with the prime minister and Boris Johnson was the star lot at a Tory fundraising ball held in London earlier this month, which reportedly raised £500,000 for the party's general election war chest.

A Tory spokesman said the gift from Mrs Chernukhin, a longstanding Conservative donor, would not be paid back because it was within the rules and would be declared to the Electoral Commission.

Her husband Vladimir, who was a Russian finance minister, was sacked in 2004 and had fallen out with President Putin and did not have links with the Putin regime, added the spokesman, and the couple were now both British citizens.

So that's all right then! We can all breathe a great big sigh of relief. We (Cameron and the Tory Party) have not breached any EU plans to get tougher on 'Putin'. I am just waiting for the French to yell 'Perfidious Albion', as they are wont! But hang on!!! See what the BBC reported:

Mr Cameron has criticised France for going through with a deal to sell warships to the country despite Moscow's backing for separatists in Ukraine.

But France's Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius hit back on Monday, suggesting Britain should look at the number of Russian oligarchs in London before criticising his country.

I just knew the Froggies would have their say. Who could blame them?

In the article, the BBC also commented:

A number of wealthy, UK-based Russians have donated money to the Conservative Party in recent years.

At the same fundraising dinner, Ukrainian-born energy magnate Alexander Temerko, a political opponent of Putin who successfully fought extradition proceedings to remain in Britain, is reported to have paid £90,000 for a bronze bust of Mr Cameron, which he donated to the Carlton Club.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-28443588

A bronze bust of Cameron!! Perish the thought! Seeing him in the flesh is bad enough but fleeting! A bronze bust would be a permanent feature! It's enough to put a cat off his fish! We'll have to find out what the moggies at the Carlton Club think of it!

It wasn't only the BBC who ran the story. Jason Groves in The Mail wrote:

According to Electoral Commission records Mrs Chernukhin was once declared an ‘impermissible’ donor when she tried to give the Tories £10,000 in April 2012.

This means that at the time she did not meet the criteria required to make a donation to a British political party.

However since then Mrs Chernukhin, who is understood to be a Conservative Party member, has since made three donations worth a total of £5,500, which have all been accepted.

An ‘impermissible’ donor that must have broken the heart of many a Tory Major, living in the shires. What a waste of good brass! Never mind, she made up for it later!

The article concluded:

... a leaked list from last year’s Tory summer ball revealed it was attended by a number of wealthy Russians.

These included Vasily Shestakov, an MP in Russia’s parliament who is an old friend of President Putin and his long-term judo partner. He co-wrote several books on the sport with the Russian President including Learn Judo With Vladimir Putin.

Also present were billionaire banker Andrei Borodin and his model wife Tatanya Korsakova, owners of Britain’s most expensive home, the £140 million Park Place, near Henley-on-Thames.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2701234/Tories-pressure-160-000-Putin-minister-s-wife-play-tennis-Boris-Dave-amid-sanctions-call.html

Arturo and I can't play tennis! We don't even like watching it on the TV - it makes us dizzy. We wouldn't pay to watch Cameron and 'Mop Head' Johnson wack a ball across a net - let alone play with them!

However - we do both fancy a taste of caviar. So - next time a former 'crony' of Mr Putin's comes waltzing through the front door, we'll see if we can impress them enough to hitch a lift in their limousine. Maybe it'll take us to Henley on Thames or Chipping Norton or anywhere really! A taste of caviar would go down just fine, whatever the venue!

Bye