'Lola' at No 11 causes panic at No 10

"I don't believe it!" Arturo almost screeched! "Look out the back window, Butch!"

So I did just that - looked out of the window. What did I see, you ask? I saw what looked like a white powder-puff on four legs prancing across the lawn. It wasn't a cat! It was a dog! At least, I think it was a dog! Then, stalking the powder-puff, I noticed the dreaded Freya, 'Georgy' Osborne's fearsome cat! She's the one who boxed poor old Larry, from upstairs, right on the nose!

"Just take a look at the 'Daily Mail' - there's some fine pictures of old Larry being knocked for six by Freya." Arturo was in full flow now. "But - to crown it all, mi old pal, there's really 'orrible news. Take a look." With that he thrust his i-pad mini in front of my eyes. I read:

Making eyes at the camera – and crying out for a cuddle – meet Chancellor George Osborne’s adorable new puppy Lola.

She may think her cute looks and fluffy hair make her top dog in Downing Street – but she’s going to have to toughen up.

Just ask David Cameron’s cat Larry.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2516467/Lola-No-11s-new-dog-handle-feisty-Freya--Osborne-tweets-picture-Downing-Streets-latest-legged-resident.html

A dog in Downing Street, I ask you! Where does 'Georgy' Osborne think he is - the White House? Dogs are a US President thing not a UK Chancellor of the Exchequer thing!!

Of course, having a dog about the house will give our Georgy all the excuses he needs for getting his figures in a twist. James Kirkup writing in The Telegraph, last week, stated:

Osborne 'used questionable statistics' to back up claim households are better off: Chancellor used "strange" figures for disposable income in his Autumn Statement this week, the Institute for Fiscal Studies says

The article went on:

In his Commons statement, Mr Osborne cited official figures for disposable income, the sum families have left after paying essential bills. The number is forecast to rise modestly, going up by 0.5 per cent this year and 1.1 per cent next year.

“Yes, real household disposable income is rising,” Mr Osborne told MPs.

No wonder Georgy was grinning when he spoke in the House of Commons. No wonder the Tory backbenchers cheered! But - hang on a bit - James Kirkup went on to write:

Paul Johnson of the IFS raised questions about Mr Osborne’s use of the disposable income figure.

“It tells us something about household incomes but it should certainly not be used in isolation to measure how they are changing,” he said.

There is “something a little bit strange” about Mr Osborne’s choice of statistic, the think tank suggested.

So there's “something a little bit strange” going on in No 11! Well - I could have told you that! So, it seems, could a Labour MP. In the same article Kirkup quoted this MP:

Andy Love, a Labour member of the Treasury Select Committee, said that Mr Osborne would have to account for his use of the disposable income figure when he appears before the committee to discuss the Autumn Statement.

He said: “There are questions over the accuracy of the Autumn Statement on this issue of living standards. The Chancellor has to be very careful about his use of statistics, since figures like this can easily be misused for political purposes.”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/10501097/Osborne-used-questionable-statistics-to-back-up-claim-households-are-better-off.html

Hey Ho! What a merry life - that is if you're not working on zero hours contracts or having to go to the food-bank to feed the kids! But not to worry, aye! Lola, the Bichon Frise, will bring a new reality to Georgy's life. It seems that already she's causing problems on the toilet-training front! Now that is something no self-respecting cat would ever have!

Arturo and me are going to have a sniff round the cupboards in No 11 - puppy food can be quite tasty!

'Bye'

Voodoo Economics at No. 10

"Do you remember that Carswell chap? The one who commented about “Mickey Mouse IOUs”, last year?" Arturo asked. I shook my head. "Well, he'd be having a field day now. Let me remind you what he said last year." He ferreted round under one of the desks and shoved 'The Mirror' in front of me.

Serious voodoo economics": George Osborne slammed by Tory colleague for "Mickey Mouse IOUs" to meet debt targets

The headline was big and bold, the story had been written by Tom McTague on 10 Nov 2012. I was intrigued and so I read on:

Douglas Carswell said the Chancellor must be desperate after shifting £35billion out of the Bank of England’s quantitative easing scheme into Treasury coffers. He added: “When one part of the state is printing funny money and lending it to another part of the state, we’re into serious voodoo economics.

"It’s past being ludicrous.

“It’s essentially a three-card trick with our money and it’s not going to end well.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/george-osborne-slammed-by-conservative-colleague-1428206l

Arturo eyed me closely. "So! What must this Carswell be thinking now?" He asked. "In the past few days, No 10 has been issuing unbelievable contradictory statements. Osborne's 'three-card trick' has got nothing on what 'Boy David' Cameron's pretending to have up his sleeve!"

Arturo is right. There have been shenanigans 'aplenty in these parts. Just take a look at what Jeff Randall wrote in The Telegraph:

Help to Buy is nothing but an election ploy

In commenting on recent events in the world of banking, Randall referred to "inappropriate adult material" and he continued:

... the offending content, known to some as “property porn”, can be ogled on the government’s Help to Buy (HTB) website. The HTB scheme is designed, it seems, almost entirely to please those with a prurient interest in house-price bubbles: builders, estate agents and local solicitors. It is nothing more than populist, short-term electioneering posing as a cure for Britain’s chronic, long-term housing headache.

'Property porn'? It sounds to me as though 'builders, estate agents and local solicitors' are beginning to sink as low as bankers in the poll of public opinion! They'll soon be plummeting the depths reached by Osborne and Cameron!

Randall continued:

Buyers are able to tap state-funded assistance up to a value of £600,000. This is emergency aid for the huddled masses of Kensington and Chelsea. When property prices are rising and real wages (inflation-adjusted) are falling, as they are, only the suspension of disbelief will bridge an ever-widening gap. HTB may well help to buy votes, but it will end in tears.

...HTB is fiscal chicanery that prompts irrational behaviour by making the unaffordable appear within reach. In the short run, it rewards the Treasury with a bonanza of stamp duty payments. But how much of those receipts will be lost when the taxpayer is called upon to bail out delinquent mortgages?

...Handing out funny money to bid up prices is simply weasel economics.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/constructionandproperty/10471564/Help-to-Buy-is-nothing-but-an-election-ploy.html

That sure is telling 'em, Jeff! But will those pig-headed buffoons in Nos 10 & 11 Downing Street listen? That's what Arturo and me want to know? Now there is a man in the City, one Canadian by the name of Carney who after a somewhat embarrassing grilling at the Treasury Select Committee admitted:

... he is "more than mildly offended" after being criticised by Labour MP John Mann that he is too close to the Chancellor, George Osborne. Mr Carney was being quizzed by the Treasury Select Committee on the November 2013 Inflation Report. ITN

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/video/mark-carney-more-mildly-offended-175229943.html

Guess what? A few days later, this same Carney bloke announced:

The Bank of England has moved swiftly and unexpectedly to puncture a new housing bubble, as it diluted a joint programme with the Treasury which has been boosting mortgage lending.

The Bank has announced that the so-called Funding for Lending Scheme (FLS), which has helped to drive the UK’s recovery, will no longer cover new housing loans extended by banks from next year.

This was from an aricle by Ben Chu in The Independent under the headline

Bank of England curtails Funding for Lending Scheme amid fears of housing bubble

Ben Chu wrote:

Until this week the Bank had seemed relatively relaxed about the state of the housing market in recent weeks, with senior officials repeatedly pointing out that the monthly rate of new mortgage approvals was still low by historical standards.

But Threadneedle Street abruptly changed its tune.

“Risks to financial stability may grow if there are further substantial and rapid increases in house prices and a further build-up of household indebtedness” said the Governor, Mark Carney, at a press conference. He added: “It is no longer appropriate to have our foot on the accelerator”.

So, he 'abruptly changed his tune', did he? Well done, Treasury Select Committee!

Ben Chu's article also commented:

Yet the government has come under fire from economists for its separate Help to Buy programme, which, from last month, provides a state guarantee for 15 per cent of new mortgages extended by banks. Critics have likened Help to Buy (which will be unaffected by today’s changes) to the institutional American government mortgage subsidy infrastructure, known as Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, which helped to blow up the US housing bubble that burst with catastrophic consequences for the global economy in 2008.

Ministers have claimed at various times that the Bank of England can cancel Help to Buy. But the central bank confirmed earlier this week that it merely has the power to make recommendations to the Treasury over the scheme rather than a right of veto. Today, Mr Carney said it was “still early days” for the controversial programme.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/business/news/bank-of-england-curtails-funding-for-lending-scheme-amid-fears-of-housing-bubble-8970619.html

While 'Funding for Lending' is out of favour - 'Help To Buy' is not quite the flavour of the month it once was! One wonders what scam they'll think up next!

It seems that personal debt in the UK is at an all time high. Jerin Matthew wrote in International Business Times:

UK Personal Debt Almost Equivalent to 2012 GDP Amid Cost of Living Crisis

The article stated:

Personal debt in the UK is nearing an all-time high as Britons increase their borrowing to meet rising living costs amid low wage growth and high inflation.

A study by the Centre for Social Justice (CSJ) revealed that total personal debt in the UK has risen to £1.4tn ($2.26tn, €1.67tn), with average household debt standing at £54,000 - about twice the level seen a decade ago.

UK households currently owe the equivalent of 94% of the country's economic output in 2012.

http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/articles/523694/20131120/uk-personal-debt-centre-social-justice.htm

What country can remain solvent under such conditions? Surely it's reckless nonsense to encourage people to take on more debt! Some time, in the not to distant future, interest rates will go up and when they do .... THE BUBBLE WILL BURST!

Talking of bubbles - me and Arturo are going to mosey on down to a fast food place tonight - the aroma of fried chicken is most enticing - and we're NOT borrowing money to get some. No siree, Pablo the black cat from Whitehall is treating us! 'Bye'

Incentivisation rules at No. 10

Arturo looked positively furious as he whisked his tail and hissed: "Bankers have to be incentivised - the rest of us have to get on with it! It's sheer blooming cheek, that's what it is!" He peered at me closely: "What incentives do you need, Butch mi old pal, to encourage you to catch more rats?"

I didn't answer his question, knowing full well he would give me a lecture. But, as usual, Arturo is right! Bankers must have their million pound bonuses or else, so we're told, they'll flee the country and take their expertise elsewhere! Having seen the results of their great expertise, I'd say 'good riddance', who needs them, take your expertise to North Korea and good luck to North Korea!

Meanwhile back in the jolly old United Kingdom - which is very far from being united, there's plenty of trouble afoot for those lacking proper incentives. Remember our revered Secretary of State for Health, one Jeremy 'Gormless' Hunt? He's been reading up on the classics and having decided to destroy the tender shoots of the NHS, he's first driving NHS staff mad! Quite a formula, I'm sure you'll agree. By the time of the next election, the NHS will not be recognisable - it's not even recognisable now!

Denis Campbell and James Meikle writing in The Guardian commented on Jeremy 'Gormless' Hunt and his policy to deal more effectively with patient safety issues:

Hunt said that if a hospital was not open with patients and their families following a patient safety incident, its indemnity cover – which is key to its functioning – could be reduced or removed. That would give hospitals "a strong financial incentive to be open about patient safety incidents", he said.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/nov/19/hospitals-mistakes-jeremy-hunt

Obviously, everyone wants the very best care for patients but threatening their indemnity cover costs! Hardly the subtle move of someone intending to help the NHS, is it? Since, as Campbell and Meikle state:

Medical negligence currently costs the NHS about £1.2bn a year in damages and costs. NHS hospitals in England pay fees to the NHS Litigation Authority, which handles lawsuits against them and negotiates settlements.

Chris Hopson, chief executive of The Foundation Trust Network was quoted in the same article as saying that

Hunt's proposals were too negative about hospitals and their performance. ... they did not reflect the balance recommended by Francis between learning and openness one hand and blame and recrimination on the other.

"We seem to be focusing more and more on NHS failure, actual, perceived and feared rather than NHS success," said Hopson. Given the Commonwealth Fund's positive assessment of the NHS last week , he said: "We owe it to the public and NHS staff to strike a better balance in the summary judgments we reach on the success of the NHS and how these are reported."

And that's the gist of it, friends, our Gormless one isn't intending to incentivise the NHS staff by giving the nurses a decent living wage. No, siree, they can survive on well below £30,000 after several years of training and experience! Not likely to provide them with decent living accommodation, is it?

And what about our precious bankers who need to be incentivised to stay in the UK? Reuters stated

The majority of Britain's financial services workers expect to receive a bonus this year and 58 percent expect the payout to be bigger than the year before, new research showed on Wednesday.

Almost a third of UK financial services workers see their 2013 bonuses growing by between 11 and 30 percent, while 35 percent predict an increase of up to 10 percent, according to a survey by financial recruitment site eFinancialCareers.

http://uk.reuters.com/article/2013/10/23/uk-britain-bankerbonuses-idUKLNE99M00220131023

Jill Treanor wrote under the following headline in The Guardian

Lloyds boss likely to get £2.3m bonus: António Horta-Osório's payout will occur if Lloyd's shares close above 73.6p on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday next week

Now that's what Arturo and I would call an 'incentive'!

The article continued:

The bank made a loss in the third quarter of 2013 of £440m, largely because of a surprise £750m provision for PPI mis-selling, which took the total bill for Lloyds to more than £8bn.

http://www.theguardian.com/business/2013/nov/15/lloyds-boss-million-bonus-antonio-horta-osorio

Maybe our Jeremy 'Gormless' Hunt could think about things and instead of driving NHS staff round the twist - maybe he could think of providing frontline staff with a real incentive - show that he really cares about their morale. Just think of it - if NHS staff left the country to get better conditions in another country - just like the bankers threatened - where would the UK be then?

Arturo and me listened to BBC Radio 4 Any Questions, last week. Would you believe it - Jeremy 'Gormless' Hunt - was one of the panel. The programme was broadcast from Sir Winston Churchill's home of Chartwell. In answer to one of the questions, Hunt quoted from a speech of Churchill's :

"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm"

"And boy-oh-boy," Arturo said in total disbelief "Jeremy 'Gormless' Hunt would surely know!"

Arturo and me are eating in tonight - we've heard loadsa noises from behind the skirting boards - Arturo says 'There's vermin afoot'!

'Bye'

Forever blowing bubbles @ No. 10

Arturo was humming to himself minutes after Lord and Master, 'Boy David' Cameron, had finished his Party Conference speech, which we'd watched on the tele. Then Arturo broke into song:

I'm forever blowing bubbles,

Pretty bubbles in the air,

They fly so high, nearly reach the sky,

http://www.metrolyrics.com/im-forever-blowing-bubbles-lyrics-cockney-rejects.html

"What are you on about, Arturo?"

"Obvious, surely! Our PR man of a PM has been at it again! He's been searching for the sound-bite! It had to be the right soundbite, mark you! The one to catch his followers' ears."

"And did he get the right one?" I rather naively asked.

"Judge for yourself!" He said and strode off, still humming.

I looked up the reports of 'Boy David' Cameron's recent pronouncements! He got really excited about 'Help to Buy' even deciding to launch it earlier than expected, as reported by Philip Aldrick in the Telegraph:

Government launches Help-to-Buy three months early: Banks accounting for about a third of the mortgage market will start offering taxpayer-subsidised mortgages next week after the Government brought forward the launch date of its controversial Help-to-Buy scheme by three months.

Aldrick went on:

Critics have warned that the guarantees could inflate a dangerous housing bubble at a time when the property market is already showing signs of recovery. Vince Cable, the Business Secretary, has questioned “whether it should come into effect in light of the changing market conditions”, adding: “We don’t want a new bubble.”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/david-cameron/10342384/Government-launches-Help-to-Buy-three-months-early.html

As for me - I was gob-smacked! Vince 'Invincible' Cable doesn't want a 'new bubble'! No one wants a bubble!

Writing in The Independent, Mark Steel made his view known under the headline:

Help to Buy: Is another property bubble really a good idea?

He wrote:

This Government loves exciting fresh ideas, so they’ve announced an extension of their plan to boost the economy, the Help to Buy scheme that makes it easy for people to borrow more than they can afford to buy a house, so that house prices will go up, making us all feel better off.

If only someone had tried before to inflate an economy by lending huge amounts to people to buy houses, even if they couldn’t afford it, then it might be possible to predict how this might end. Already the banks have made it clear they love the idea, and their judgement has been impeccable in recent years. ...

Yet even the Adam Smith Institute says the Help to Buy scheme “will only drive prices up, making housing more unaffordable for most people.” Once the Adam Smith Institute says something is too uncaring, that’s like suggesting an idea to Abu Hamza and him saying “I don’t agree with that, it’s too extremist for me.”

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/help-to-buy-is-another-property-bubble-really-a-good-idea-8856968.html

No wonder Arturo was humming about bubbles! It seems that 'Boy David' Cameron doesn't remember what happened in 2008! I wonder if the names 'Fannie & Freddie' have even entered his head!

Reports from the Conservative Party Conference were to be found everywhere. So there was plenty of meat for me to get my teeth into.

There were photos and videos a'plenty of Cameron speaking in front of what looked like a shredded Union Jack. I wondered if this was really intended - or a gross error of judgement! Why would he want to have the Union Jack looking so tattered? Just see for yourself:

Is Cameron losing his famed PR touch? Here's what he had to say in his main conference speech:

This week in Manchester we've shown this Party is on the side of hardworking people.

Helping young people buy their own home.

Getting the long-term unemployed back to work.

Freezing fuel duty.

Backing marriage.

Cutting the deficit.

Creating jobs.

Creating wealth.

... our Help to Buy mortgage scheme.

Blimey O'Riley! Those are some soundbites! If he's actually achieving all that, I don't know why he needs 'Hardworking People' at all! Surely, in this fantasy-land, it's time for freebees for all, especially for the pals in banking!

Nothing daunted and spurred on by his own rhetoric, Cameron invoked still more soundbites:

To make this country, at long last and for the first time ever, a land of opportunity for all.

... Some people said the NHS wasn't safe in our hands.

Well - we knew otherwise.

Who protected spending on the NHS? Not Labour - us.

He also said:

We are not there yet, not by a long way.

But, my friends, we are on our way.

You can read the full text at http://www.newstatesman.com/staggers/2013/10/david-camerons-speech-conservative-party-conference-2013-full-text

The favoured few may have cheered Cameron's speech and seen it as a precursor of arrival in the Promised Land. But -

"land of opportunity for all"?

- Take care those queuing at the food-banks!

"protected spending on the NHS"?

- Beware those needing the butchered, collapsing NHS!

"our 'Help to Buy' mortgage scheme"?

- Watch out new house owners!

So Arturo's humming had some purpose, after all.

Just as I was about to have a kip - the self-same Arturo rushed in and shoved a newspaper cutting in front of my nose:

"Now's your chance, Butch, mi old pal! Lick your coat, swish your tail and you're in with a chance."

"What're you on about?" I scanned the cutting and this is what I read:

Downing Street is denying claims that David Cameron does not like Larry, the official No 10 cat. ...

The unlikely public relations campaign was launched after the disclosure in Matthew d’Ancona’s new book, In It Together, that Mr Cameron and his wife Samantha do not like the cat. ...

d’Ancona reports that the Camerons do not like Larry, a six-year-old tabby, prompting an outpouring of support for the cat on social networks under the theme #savelarry.

The potential for damage to the Prime Minister’s image was not missed by his office, with a spokesman issuing a statement on Friday night saying: “Totally untrue. He is very popular with Downing Street denies David Cameron dislikes Larry the cat everyone in the building and we all get on purr-fectly well.” Downing Street observers, however, say d’Ancona is absolutely correct that Larry - whose efficacy as a mouser has been questioned since he joined Downing Street - is not a family favourite.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/10341329/Downing-Street-denies-David-Cameron-dislikes-Larry-the-cat.html

"If you plays yer cards right, mi old pal, you might yet be a pampered moggie!" Arturo smirked.

"No thanks, Arturo! I prefer to keep a low profile in Downing Street."

No siree - me and Arturo know our place and it ain't upstairs! Tonight, we're off for a bit of nosh at the new fish cafe round the corner!

Bye

Nothing's safe @ No. 10

"Recall the mantra The NHS is safe in our hands?" Arturo asked. But before I could reply, he went on: "That Lansley bloke told us that the NHS would do just fine under his proposed reforms! Look what's happened! Now, this craven Coalition has the sheer gall to tell us that the Transparency of Lobbying, Non-party Campaigning and Trade Union Administration Bill will be good for democracy!!"

I could see Arturo felt strongly! So I decided to investigate. I discovered that Andrew Sparrow had written an article entitled:New lobbying bill will affect charities' ability to campaign on political issues. This was in the Guardian. He wrote:

The Electoral Commission, Britain's elections watchdog, has concluded that government plans to curb political campaigning by charities before a general election are flawed and in part unworkable.

In a private briefing sent to interested parties, the commission says that it has "significant concerns" about the coalition's lobbying bill, that some parts of it may be unenforceable and that it is not at all clear how the new restrictions affecting charities will work.

The strength of the commission's criticisms will embolden campaigners hoping for a government U-turn, although the speed with which the government is planning to push the bill through the Commons has raised fears that ministers are not in the mood for compromise.

It seems this devious bunch of geezers used quite a clever ploy - they published the details of the Bill the day before Parliament broke up for their jolly old summer hols! Neat timing that! Do you read all your correspondence the day before you pack your swimming trunks? I bet you don't. That's just what Lansley, Clegg and pals thought too!

Andrew Sparrow went on to write in his article:

Under the current rules third-party groups such as charities can spend up to £989,000 during this period on material, such as leaflets, that could affect the outcome of the election.

The bill not only slashes this limit to £390,000, but also broadens the definition of what counts as spending – to include overheads and staff costs – and widens the definition of what counts as election-related activity to include work that could affect the outcome, even if that was not its purpose.

The bill limits spending per constituency to £9,750, and lowers to £5,000 the amount charities can spend before they have to register with the Electoral Commission.

Understandably, the charities and other pressure groups are not happy. Sparrow quoted one of them:

John Sauven, executive director at Greenpeace, one of more than 100 charity organisations that have expressed concerns about the bill, said the legislation was "the most pernicious assault on campaign groups in living memory".

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2013/aug/25/lobbying-bill-charities-campaign-election

If this is democracy in action, I'll eat my tail! But I discovered more. The National Council of Voluntary Organisations (NCVO) stated:

Crucially, the bill introduces a definition of ‘activities for election purposes’ which is so broad and unclear that it could capture a range of the day-to-day activities charities carry out, entirely legitimately, as part of their campaigning and advocacy work.

Furthermore, the limits of expenditure for carrying out such activities have been drastically reduced, in some cases by up to 70%. Staff costs are to be included in these amounts, even though political parties are not expected to do the same.

Charities are already bound by charity law and therefore cannot be party political. But these changes would be likely to put the frighteners on charities that campaign on important issues and may want to use election time as an opportunity to raise awareness. This is mainly because, according to the explanatory notes, the rules apply not only if the intent is to promote the view of a particular candidate or party, but also considering the effect of the activity.

http://blogs.ncvo.org.uk/2013/08/18/transparency-of-lobbying-bill-unintended-consequences-or-trojan-horse/

So - Arturo's presentiments are right!! But then, of course, I knew they would be - they always are. However, his worst fears were expressed by Polly Toynbee in the Guardian. Her article was headed:The lobbying bill will save corporate PRs but silence the protesters: Today parliament must wake up to a lobbying law designed to muzzle the government's biggest critics before the election

Now that could not have been said any clearer, could it? She went on to write:

Why the rush? To get the law in place by next May, so the clock starts ticking to gag campaigning for the year's runup to the 2015 election. Nick Clegg is a prime mover on this bill, as minister in charge of constitutional reform. Why are the Lib Dems so gung ho for something so illiberal? They are said to fear targeted campaigns, such as the National Union of Students reminding voters of Lib Dem MPs who signed up "in blood" to a pledge never to raise tuition fees. The government hotly denies this bill will do anything other than prevent US-style abuse by "Super-Pacs" spending unlimited sums on campaigns and supporting a party without mentioning its name. But that's already banned

Ah ha! So 'Wailing Lad' Clegg is at it again. This time trying to save his own skin! I think that's a lost battle. Most LibDem voters now wish they'd torn up their voting papers before putting them in the ballot box, last time! One even told me:

I'll never forgive the bastards!

Toynbee finished her article by writing:

he shocking state of British party funding should indeed be the real issue, but nothing here stops Ashcroft money flowing, or the shadowy Midlands Industrial Council funding the Tories, or dinners for donors in Downing Street. Nothing curbs the obscene sums all parties spend – a combined £31m at the last election. Electoral corruption sickens voters, already profoundly alienated from party politics. But this is just another crude gerrymander to hobble Labour and gag the government's most dangerous potential critics – charities more trusted by the public than any political party.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/sep/03/lobbying-bill-corporate-prs-silence-protest

So, as far as I can see nothing is safe in the hands of those who wander along the corridors of No. 10. Macmillan once accused Margaret Thatcher of 'selling off the family silver' - he hadn't seen nothin! This bunch of geezers are now demolishing the buildings!

Me and Arturo are off for a bit of Italian nosh in Soho!

Bye

Ready for Mischief @ No. 10

"Well, after returning from his 4th holiday of the year, 'Boy David' Cameron is all ready to create some mischief! You just need to look at his face!" Arturo said knowingly.

Certainly, after the beach towel fiasco in Cornwall, Cameron needs to display some gravitas for once! Gravitas is not his natural demeanor, like all PR men - he's desperate to please anyone who comes in sight! If you're that type, then smiles, winks and nods are the order of the day. We've seen plenty of those from Cameron, even when using a Mickey Mouse towel! What a bloomer, you might say: a Mickey Mouse towel for a Mickey Mouse prime Minister!

So what mischief might 'Boy David' be up to in the coming months? Well - he's due some U-Turns - he has to keep up the habit, surely. The obvious one is HS2! On July 24 2013, Cameron was reported in The Evening Standard as saying:

...a new high-speed rail line is "essential" if the UK is to be a "winner in the global race".

..."I think it will bring a big benefit to a region like the North West and I think it will bring a big benefit to our country for this reason: I think if we want to be in the front rank of countries, if we want to be a winner in what I call the global race, then we've got to have a really fast and efficient transport infrastructure.

"I think when you look at what really makes a difference to the economic geography of a country it's those big decisions to build the big motorway, to build the high-speed line as we did through the Channel Tunnel. It's those decisions that can make a real difference to your country."

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/transport/hs2-project-essential-says-david-cameron-8728728.html

That's telling 'em! Great convictions there! Smiles, nods and winks all round! But - hang on a bit, there are nasty mutterings in the wings:

Lord Ashcroft, a former party donor and an influential figure in the Conservatives, said that Mr Cameron “must scrap HS2 and scrap it now”.

His intervention came after Alistair Darling, the former Labour chancellor and transport secretary, warned that the UK’s rail network could “fall apart” because of the spiralling cost of High Speed 2.

Mr Darling described HS2 as “foolish” and warned that if it goes ahead, there will be no money for “maintaining and upgrading existing lines”.

This was in the Telegraph on August 23 in an article by Peter Dominiczak. He continued:

The Government has estimated the cost of HS2, which will see 225mph trains running from London to Birmingham by around 2026, at £50 billion including rolling stock.

However, the Institute for Economic Affairs has suggested the eventual bill would be £80 billion, and it has been reported that the Treasury is working on a figure of £73 billion.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/road-and-rail-transport/10263360/Tory-peer-Lord-Ashcroft-calls-on-David-Cameron-to-scrap-HS2.html

Already the signs of a U-Turn are looming!

Then there's fracking! Another can of worms for our PR PM! Will he frack, or won't he frack? That is the question! Let's hope he doesn't dither like Hamlet. But no doubt he will soon announce: 'the Americans can frack if they want to - but the UK is NOT for fracking!'

The biggest potential mischief of all, however, is Syria! To intervene or not to intervene. Now that really is a question. Already the armed forces have been so depleted under this muddled, hypocritical Coalition that they can now barely protect the UK from invasion! But will our laughing boy PR PM get the message? We can only trust that he will. Isn't it time that the UK should behave like Switzerland and keep out of other nation's business and just mind its own? Maybe, we could even learn to make cuckoo-clocks!

After all, there's no money! No real army - navy or air force left! So, 'Boy David' Cameron get your Mickey Mouse priorities right. Set Georgy Osborne's nose to the grindstone and put the UK house in order!

For the first time for months, Arturo and me are going ratting! Arturo is convinced he's smells vermin in No 10! No pizza for us tonight!

Smoke gets in your eyes @ No. 10

"Have a fag and a glass of strong cider, Butch!" Arturo said.

"No thanks!" I replied.

"No need to thank me, mi old pal. The alcohol and tobacco lobbies have fared more than well under this Coalition! Fags and booze galore in Downing Street! Surprising when you consider how 'Boy David' Cameron was mouthing it off so heartily a few months ago."

"Mouthing it off?"

"Yep!! Don't you recall? In the Spring, in fact, he hinted there would be minimum alcohol pricing and plain cigarette packaging in the Queen's Speech! Doctors all over the country were both pleased and relieved. Then ... along comes Lynton!"

"Lynton?"

"One Lynton Crosby the Conservatives' election campaign manager." Arturo winked in an unnerving way. "He has a PR and lobbying firm called Crosby Textor. According to The Mirror Crosby Textor has long-standing links with the alcohol and tobacco industries:

Lynton Crosby: David Cameron's top aide's links to the alcohol industry revealed:His lobbying company works for a drinks industry body that has campaigned against minimum alcohol pricing in Australia

The article by James Lyons went on:

New laws to force cigarette firms to sell fags in plain packs have also been shelved since Mr Crosby was hired, along with a compulsory register that would make lobbyists reveal their clients

Downing Street yesterday refused to say whether the PM believes lobbyists undertaking government work should come clean about their clients.

Now the Mirror can reveal that Mr Crosby’s PR and lobbying company works for a drinks industry body that has campaigned against minimum alcohol pricing in his native Australia.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/lynton-crosby-david-camerons-top-1875010

Sounded a tad dodgy, I thought! First Cameron is all for minimum alcohol pricing - now he's done his usual U-turn! I decided to find out a bit more detail. A bit more detail?? There were so many stories that I almost sank under the weight! In 'The Conversation', I found the following headline:

Industry trumps evidence in tobacco packaging U-turn

The article commented:

The Conservative party’s chief strategist Lynton Crosby has come under fire for suggesting that the party should focus on core issues such as the economy and immigration rather than public health measures such as plain packaging and minimum alcohol pricing.

But Crosby’s lobbying firm Crosby Textor Fullbrook (CTF) has served the tobacco industry since the 1980s and currently provides advice to tobacco giant Philip Morris. ...

The Department of Health has emphasised that the “UK is known the world over for its comprehensive, evidence-based tobacco control strategy”. It’s a sharp irony, given that the the government is now doing the opposite through an explicit decision to put the demands of tobacco manufacturers and retailers before the health of the public and reducing costs to the NHS from treating smoking-related illnesses.

http://theconversation.com/industry-trumps-evidence-in-tobacco-packaging-u-turn-16069

So 'comprehensive, evidence-based tobacco control strategy' is what we have here in the UK! I don't think so! Not now 'Boy David' Cameron's holding the reins! Maybe politicians reckon they know best about policy - but health?? That's quite another matter. Pulse, the media for general practitioners had an article by Sofia Lind after the Queen's Speech. She wrote:

GPC Deputy chair Dr Richard Vautrey told Pulse: ‘The Government would be letting the nation down and caving in to the alcohol industry if it failed to take action on alcohol pricing. They were quick to blame GPs for the rise in A&E attendances but if they were really serious about reducing unnecessary visits to A&E they would take tackling alcohol abuse more seriously.’

‘[With regards to] smoking, it is exactly the same. Smoking still kills thousands of people each year and the Government has a moral responsibility to protect citizens and should be taking all steps possible to reduce the number of young people starting to smoke and helping current smokers stop.’

Professor Clare Gerada, chair of the RCGP, said: ‘It was hoped that the Government would take forward bold measures to tackle alcohol and smoking – two of the biggest challenges facing the NHS in the coming years. That the Government has backed down on both of these issues is disappointing, and we urge Ministers to reconsider the weight of evidence suggesting that action is needed.’

http://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/clinical/therapy-areas/addiction/plain-cigarette-packaging-plans-in-doubt/20002897.article#.Uegdzaz9wWk

There was still more to come! The Independent's Andrew Grice wrote:

The Prime Minister was accused of using “weasel words” after he and his official spokesmen repeatedly refused to answer the question of whether he discussed plans to bring in plain packaging for cigarettes with Mr Crosby, whose company Crosby Textor represents the tobacco giant Philip Morris.

... The row intensified when the Government formally abandoned a plan previously backed by Mr Cameron to set a minimum unit price for alcohol to combat binge drinking. Crosby Textor also represents a drinks industry body that has campaigned against minimum pricing in his native Australia.

Mr Cameron told the Commons: “He [Mr Crosby] has never lobbied me on anything.” Later he told a press conference: "This is a complete red herring which is raised by the Labour Party because it is in political trouble… with its relationship with the trade unions.”

The Prime Minister said the decision not to go ahead with plain packaging for cigarettes was taken by him and Jeremy Hunt, the Health Secretary, “for the very simple reason that there is not yet sufficient evidence for it and there's considerable legal uncertainty about it.”

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/smoking-gun-david-cameron-dodges-lynton-crosby-cigarette-packaging-controversy-question-8713969.html

And all this in the light of a report by Peter Griffiths of Reuters:

Alcohol is one of Britain's biggest health problems, responsible for 1.2 million hospital admissions in 2012, the government said. It has been linked to heightened risk of liver damage, cancer, stroke and heart conditions.

Announcing his minimum pricing plans last year, Cameron said he realised it would not be popular with everyone, but that "We can't go on like this".

"The responsibility of being in government isn't always about doing the popular thing. It's about doing the right thing," he said in a foreword to the government's alcohol policy strategy in 2012.

http://uk.reuters.com/article/2013/07/17/uk-britain-alcohol-idUKBRE96G0R320130717

What a merry-go-round! No wonder Arturo is offering fags and cider to all and sundry! It's a funny old world! The Cameron Government is still assessing the impact that minimum alcohol pricing and plain packaging for cigarettes would have on health! Do they really think we're so stupid and we don't understand the real score? Or do they think that smoke has gone not only into our eyes but into our brains as well!

Artuto and me are off to a bistro in Soho tonight!They may have some Chianti but there won't be any fags!

Bye

Fannie & Freddie @ No. 10

"Hey, what do you think of Fannie & Freddie coming to Downing Street?" Arturo asked me.

Now, I'm not as daft as some may think I look! I knew full well that Fannie and Freddie weren't the cats from the Treasury kitchen, no siree! Them moggies is called Fenella and Frankie and they earn their keep by catching the vermin that crawl in through the Treasury door! I knew that Arturo meant Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Furthermore, not being dumb, I also knew that Fannie Mae is the 'Federal National Mortgage Association'. I also knew that Freddie Mac is the 'Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation'. See! I'm not just a cuddly toy!

However, though I wouldn't admit it to Arturo, I hadn't a clue what he was on about them "coming to Downing Street". I decided to investigate.

I looked up all the stories I could think of that might have inspired Arturo's cryptic comment. I discovered :

George Osborne's Help to Buy scheme 'a moronic policy': Leading analyst says chancellor's flagship scheme artificially inflates prices and drives the young into 'indentured servitude'

That was the headline in the Guardian on 4 June 2013. The article was written by the Economics Editor, Larry Elliott. The article stated:

George Osborne's scheme to boost the housing market through state mortgage subsidies has been dubbed one of the "most stupid economic ideas" of the past 30 years by a leading City commentator.

Now he ain't mincing his words! I was enthralled and continued reading:

Albert Edwards, who heads the global strategy team at Société Générale said the chancellor's flagship Help to Buy programme was artificially inflating property prices and driving young people deeper into "indentured servitude".

See what Arturo meant by the Fannie and Freddie allusion? Some wise cat, eh?? I went on reading Elliott's article:

... "Why are houses too expensive in the UK? Too much debt. So what is George Osborne's solution for first-time buyers unable to afford housing? Why, arrange for a government-guaranteed scheme to burden our young people with even more debt! Why don't we call this policy by the name it really is, namely the indentured servitude of our young people.

"I believe it truly is a moronic policy that stands head and shoulders above most of the stupid economic policies I have seen implemented during my 30 years in this business. It ranks above some of Alan Greenspan's very worst blunders.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2013/jun/04/george-osborne-help-to-buy-moronic

If you think that the opinion expressed by the 'leading City commentator', Albert Edwards, was a trifle harsh when he called 'Georgy' Osborne's policy 'moronic' - then take a look at the 'Comments' section below the article!

It seems that 'Georgy' has been more than a little head-strong in putting forward the 'Help to Buy' policy. It has even caught the eye of The International Monetary Fund. In their 'United Kingdom—2013 Article IV Consultation Concluding Statement of the Mission May 22, 2013', the IMF made the following comment:

"This measure may temporarily help boost confidence in the housing market, but there is a risk that, in the absence of an adequate supply response, the result would ultimately be mostly house price increases that would work against the aim of boosting access to housing."

http://www.imf.org/external/np/ms/2013/052213.htm

Oh dear, 'Georgy'!! You've gone and put your big foot right in it, again!! Don't you ever learn nothin'?? Didn't you learn that sub prime means just what it says sub ---- prime!! That ain't no way to run a business, let alone a country's finances!!

Just to let you know a little secret - another disaster befell the Osborne household. This time of the feline kind!! Know what I mean?? The Metro reported:

George Osborne’s missing cat accused of being a Chinese spy after returning

It stated:

George Osborne’s cat, which went missing for two years, has been accused of being a foreign spy after suddenly returning.

Inquisitive Freya is under suspicion after she showed up last year at Downing Street to the surprise of the chancellor and his family. ...The cat has apparently been spotted in secure areas of the Foreign Office, inside Number 10′s cabinet room and even allegedly tried to access the Treasury.

‘Some of us think the Chinese got her,’ said a Conservative source.

‘She can get everywhere. You’d only have to bug her and you could find out half the government’s secrets.’

If Freya did turn out to be a spy then it would have been the purrrfect deception.

http://metro.co.uk/2013/06/10/george-osbornes-missing-cat-accused-of-being-a-chinese-spy-after-returning-3835335/

So - you see what Arturo and me put up with! Tonight, we're off to the Italian Deli - lookin for a nice bit of salami - know what I mean??

Bye

The 'Trouble & Strife' to save Cam @ No 10

"I had a butchers at it through the window, mi old pal, and would you Adam and Eve it, I saw 'Boy David Cameron's 'trouble and strife' trying on her 'titfer'?" Arturo was clearly amused. Not a pleasing sight!

"Just exactly what are you trying to tell me, Arturo? Speak in plain English!" I asked with as much dignity as I could muster.

"Ah! I see you don't appreciate my use of cockney rhyming slang! I'll translate for you:

I had a 'butchers' is cockney slang for 'butcher's hook' = look!

would you Adam and Eve it = believe it

'trouble and strife' = wife

Titfer short for Tit-for-Tat = hat

And to put my observations into the language of the mundane - it's been suggested that Mrs Samantha 'Ever so Nice, ain't I' Cameron is the answer to the Conservative Party's and 'Boy David's woes!!!"

So, let's see whether Arturo is right. Andy Coulson, the man who once advised the PM, then as fast as he rose, disappeared from No. 10, was quoted in the Telegraph by James Kirkup as saying in GQ magazine:

“The time has now come for Sam to play a more public role and take some risks,” ... “She should now be persuaded that the 2015 campaign is already underway and she’s badly needed in the trenches.”

I say, old boy - 'badly needed in the trenches', surely that's a bit over the top! But then, of course, that's just what took place in World War 1 - and look what happened!

Coulson was quoted further as saying:

Mrs Cameron is “one of the few people able to see straight to the heart of a matter and offer a clear, sensible view”.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/david-cameron/10090047/Only-Samantha-Cameron-can-save-the-Conservatives-from-defeat.html

Well, well! That is quite an assertion. If Mrs Samantha 'Ever so Nice, ain't I' Cameron is one of the few people able to see straight to the heart of a matter and offer a clear, sensible view, I'd say there's more trouble than even Arturo thought! I don't recall Denis Thatcher, Norma Major, Cherie Blair or Sarah Brown being called in to see straight to the heart of a matter and offer a clear, sensible view. No siree! No doubt each of the couples had private chit-chats about what was going on - but as for asking Denis, Norma, Cherie or Sarah to have 'a more public role and take some risks' or tell them that they were 'badly needed in the trenches' - I think not!

Yet now it is being seriously suggested that there is such chaos at No. 10 that 'her upstairs' needs to be called in to save the sinking ship! Well - I ask you!!

In addition, Andy Coulson has views on other perils facing 'Boy David' Cameron. In the Guardian, Patrick Wintour quoted from the same GQ article:

Andy Coulson: Boris Johnson wants to be PM – and David Cameron knows it:

Cameron's former media adviser draws up Tory battleplan for 2015 election victory and blows cover on party tensions

Among other things, Wintour wrote:

Coulson suggests No 10 needs a strategy to handle Johnson. He writes: "No 10's Boris strategy should be simple. Support his good ideas, advise privately on the bad ones, but only engage publicly if absolutely necessary – and celebrate Boris's considerable successes."

He reveals that Cameron knows Johnson is after his job. He recounts a discussion with the prime minister in 2008, when Johnson was considering standing as mayor. "Boris Johnson desperately wants to be prime minister and David has known that fact longer than most,"

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2013/may/29/andy-coulson-boris-johson-pm-david-cameron#ixzz2UhvXVvxS

Maybe - just maybe - Coulson thinks that Mrs Samantha 'Ever so Nice, ain't I' Cameron knows how to fix 'Mop-Head' Johnson. It seems that few others are able to do so!! The man has been referred to in an 'Independent' Editorial as

A Teflon politician called Boris

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/editorials/editorial-a-teflon-politician-called-boris-8636305.html?origin=internalSearch

"Wasn't there once a Mafia Boss called the 'Teflon Don'", I asked Arturo.

"Yep - but the Teflon came off and things stuck to him in the end!" Arturo said.

Maybe, Mrs Samantha 'Ever so Nice, ain't I' Cameron is a great little housewife and knows just how to get rid of Teflon! Who knows? So Cameron's 'trouble and strife' might be an asset, after all.

Poor old 'Boy David' Cameron - he may be the PM but the Boy's really under siege! Still, he'd better listen to his 'trouble and strife's' 'rabbit and pork' if he wants to survive!!

Just to translate the rhyming slang for the uninitiated:

trouble and strife = wife

rabbit and pork = talk

Speaking of 'rabbit and pork' - me and mi pal, Arturo, are eating in again. We heard that 'her upstairs is having a right old 'nosh' tonight and there's bound to be left-overs.

Oh! You want a translation of 'nosh', do you? Just to show my erudition and ability to switch parlances:

nosh is Yiddish for eating

Am I versatile - or am I versatile?

Bye

So 'intensely relaxed' @ No. 10

"Are you feeling relaxed, Butch?" Arturo asked me.

"No, not particularly. Why?"

"Thought you might have caught this feel for relaxation from 'Boy David' Cameron. After all, he's so relaxed that he doesn't have a clue what's going on around here!"

Arturo is right, of course. Cameron is determined to preserve an outward aura of complete calm. I even noticed that he now regularly drinks his coffee from a mug with the words:

KEEP CALM and CARRY ON

The reason Arturo and I are interested in 'Boy David' Cameron's sense of well-being is two-fold. Firstly, just before some of his Tory backwoodsmen - whoops - sorry! - backbenchers were due to table an amendment to the Queen’s Speech that will call for a referendum on Britain’s membership of the European Union, Downing Street said:

the prime minister was “relaxed” about the Bone-Baron amendment

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/1fb5c722-b8c2-11e2-a6ae-00144feabdc0.html#axzz2Ug0XNQZZ

There was quite a hoo-ha about this. Janet Daley, in the Telegraph, wrote:

David Cameron is so relaxed I want to slap him

She went on to comment:

... Why on earth did he have to say that he was “intensely relaxed” about the EU referendum battle? What the public heard was not confidence but smug insouciance about the whole question of EU membership. I don’t know about you, but when somebody tells me that he is “intensely relaxed” about something that I find deeply worrying, it makes me want to slap him.

Which brings us to the heart of public doubts about Mr Cameron: people are not afraid that he is a secret Europhile, they are afraid that he is an incurable snob who is altogether too “intensely relaxed” about things that concern them (and whose allies, we learn, think Tory supporters are “swivel-eyed loons”).

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/david-cameron/10065503/David-Cameron-is-so-relaxed-I-want-to-slap-him.html

How I love that phrase 'smug insouciance' - it has a real ring to it! And it sums up, so well, 'Boy David' Cameron and his pal next door 'Georgy' Osborne!

The second reason why Arturo and I are fixated on Cameron being so 'intensely relaxed' is because in the midst of a number of crises in the country, 'Boy David' and little wife, Samantha, went swanning off to Ibiza for a relaxing break! It did not go unnoticed. Melissa Kite, in the Guardian, wrote:

David Cameron's relaxation may be his downfall: The prime minister's sunshine holiday at a time of national crisis can only add to the Tory right's simmering resentment

Oh dear! He's gone and done it again! He's drawn attention to his need to 'relax'. Melissa Kite continued:

David Cameron is setting an example to us all by going on holiday to Ibiza and being photographed smiling in the sun with his wife. Aides of the prime minister underlined this point when they explained that Cameron had gone on a week-long break with a small staff because he had "not had a holiday since Christmas". While one does not want to be begrudging, or insinuate that the PM does not deserve downtime, it is only stating facts to point out that not having had a holiday since Christmas is not exactly the definition of hardship these days.

Now, I wish to point out that neither Arturo nor I have had a holiday at the seaside in our whole lives!! And are we complaining? No, siree, we ain't!!

Melissa Kite went on to write:

A still more potent puzzler is why Cameron is able to chill out on a beach this week. It seems that no matter what happens, be it European Union revolts or terror attacks, the briefing from No 10 is always the same: "The prime minister is relaxed."

He is starting to remind me of a horse asleep on its feet. You admire the trick, but wonder how on earth they pull it off.There are those who praise this relentless imperviousness to any notion that he has to prove himself.

I find it offputting.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/may/27/david-camerons-relaxed-style-downfall

Melissa Kite does not only find it 'offputting', she adds the comment:

... when the going gets tough, the tough go to Ibiza.

Is 'Boy David' Cameron really so 'intensely relaxed'? Neither Arturo nor I believe this to be the case! We've heard him pacing the floor! We've seen him scratching his chin! We've heard him rehearsing his lines. Those are not the doings and utterings of an 'intensely relaxed' man! No! All this harping on about being 'relaxed' is the sure sign of the mantra of a PR man who believes that if he says a thing often enough - it is true!

For the sake of his future in British politics, 'Boy David' Cameron might be better advised to roll up his shirt sleeves; wipe beads of perspiration from his brows; dust some coal-dust on his cheeks and say:

"Ee bah gum" it's rough 'ere at pit-face - and me and Georgy are workin' our socks off!"

Then maybe - just maybe - we'd all have some respect for the goings-on at Number 10 and Number 11.

Me and mi pal, Arturo, are eating in tonight. We don't want anyone saying of us: 'while the cat's away the mice will play!" Remember the dictionary definition of this is:

when the person in authority is absent, people will not do what they should do

http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/While+the+cat%27s+away

Oh dear!!!

Bye

Loony-Gate @ No. 10

As a PR man, 'Boy David' Cameron is proving to be singularly inept at PR! That is Arturo's opinion and mine too. Ever eager for a good soundbite, the 'Boy' has increasingly lost his touch. Ready enough with good one-liners in the early days, words are just not good enough now - actions not words are what is needed.

Let's take a peek at what he said in those balmy early days before reality hit home. In October 2009, the BBC reported under the headline: Secrets of the conference soundbite:

In the course of an hour, the Tory leader said he was "up to the test" of leading the country.

There was a lot of talk of being in things together, telling the party faithful and the British people if they "pull together, come together, work together - we will get through this together". ...

He also pledged to "put Britain back on her feet", "turn the tide" and "make things happen" but he neatly turned this last soundbite on its head - in keeping with his theme of dismantling big government - by saying that if Britain can be rebuilt it will be down to people power and we will look back and say "you made it happen".

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8293442.stm

Cameron has always lacked foresight! 'get through this together'!! When did he last queue at a food bank?. 'work together' - When did he last 'sign on'? Of course, that day may not be too far off!!

In the same report, the BBC quoted him as saying:

"Yes it will be a steep climb. But the view from the summit will be worth it. Let me tell you what I can see."

Pity he didn't consult Gypsy Rose Lee - she'd have told him what he would see! And, Arturo and I can tell you - it wouldn't be sunny pastures!

It's all been downhill for some considerable time at No. 10! Skiing off-piste maybe a heady challenge for the gifted - but for those less brain-cell endowed - it is a foolish feat!

And our PR man of a PM has certainly skied off-piste, as far as the die-hard backbenchers and Tory Party activists are concerned. Didn't the 'Boy' understand the meaning of the word 'conservative'? Maybe, before trying to please the masses with a catchy phrase such as 'gay marriage', he should have consulted the Oxford English Dictionary:

averse to change or innovation and holding traditional values:

http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/conservative?q=conservative

Whatever the reason, 'Boy David' Cameron sure has heaped up problems whilst searching desperately for what Nick Robinson, on the BBC Radio 4 'Today' programme called:

a Tony Blair Clause 4 moment'

Arturo and I ask ourselves why anyone in their right mind would want to emulate 'Old-Feet-In-Mouth' Blair is totally beyond us! But it is clear evidence of the saying :

Those whom the Gods wish to destroy, they first make mad

One thing is for sure - Cameron has driven his grass-roots supporters, his activists, to despair! First they asked:

Where is the 'In/Out' EU referendum?

Next, they shouted:

Who wants 'Same Sex' marriage'?

Because of the stink that these same hard-working activists raised, a bright spark close to the 'Boy' referred to them as:

'swivel-eyed loons'

Have you ever met a Tory activist? Usually, they are middle-aged to elderly, staunchly middle class, often supporters of their local hunt - you get the picture?

Well - one thing the Tory grassroots activists HATE - is being called 'swivel-eyed loons'. Now, these same activist/supporters are joining UKIP, once labelled on LBC radio, by Cameron as:

'A Bunch Of Fruitcakes, Loonies And Closet Racists'

https://audioboo.fm/boos/1079562-david-cameron-ukip-a-bunch-of-fruitcakes-loonies-and-closet-racists

As Jake Wallis Simons put it:

It seems that everything David Cameron does offers fuel to Mr Farage's party. From swivel-eyed-loony-gate to the rebellion against the Queen's speech to gay-marriage-itis, it's all heat and no light in Westminster. Meanwhile, Ukip, with its clear policy agenda, uncompromising stance and straight-talking leader, is elevated by default. And Nigel Farage – who yesterday took out a full-page advertisement in the Daily Telegraph to attract the swivel-eyed to Ukip – is doing all he can to exploit it.

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/jakewallissimons/100217954/ukip-are-poised-to-out-poll-the-tories-is-this-the-tipping-point/

All things considered, the 'Boy' has spent too much time under the full moon! You may recall that gazing at the full moon drove some men mad. Others became were-wolves! It has driven the 'Boy' into losing his gift for the soundbite and destroying the cohesion of the Tory Party. Never mind! Every night, we hear him softly chanting:

"pull together, come together, work together - we will get through this together"

Meanwhile - Arturo and I are joining Alfonso for a nosh at the local Italian kitchen!

Bye

Fit persons? @ No.10

"I say! I say! I say!" Arturo chuckled, "When is a 'fit person' not a 'fit person'?" He eyed me closely.

"I don't know - when is a 'fit person' not a 'fit person'? No doubt, you're going to tell me!" I replied. Arturo showed me his tablet. There was an article on it:

Health minister threatened with ejection from royal college:Earl Howe's position on advisory committee under threat as doctors claim he 'mis-sold' health reforms

The article was written by Daniel Boffey in The Observer. It seems that The Royal College of Physicians want Earl Howe 'ousted from a prestigious role' within the College.

Six influential members of the professional body that represents doctors wrote to its president, Sir Richard Thompson, claiming that the minister was "not a fit person to fulfil this important role". Thompson has launched an investigation by the College's trustees into Howe's probity.

The senior doctors claim that Howe, a former banker, falsely advised them that reforms under the health and social care bill would not force doctors to use market mechanisms to choose where patients will be treated.

According to the doctors, the regulations will mean that clinical commissioning groups – the bodies to be set up by GPs to organise patients' care – will have to put services out to tender if there is more than one provider capable of offering particular treatments. This means NHS hospitals and services will have to compete with private health firms for business.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2013/may/05/earl-howe-royal-college-physicians

Since Arturo and I had watched Earl Howe, whom Arturo called 'smarmy', oozing his unctuous way through the House of Lords' debate on the Health and Social Care Bill, I must admit my sympathies are with the 'six influential members'.

Surely the good Physicians must have scratched their eminent heads at the prospect of an 'ex-banker' being given responsibility for pushing the grossly flawed Bill through the Lords! After all, bankers can't be trusted with banks, let alone health! The fact the country is on its benders, at the present time, is all down to bankers and PR men.

Here's yet another 'fit person' issue. You may recall that in 2010 there was a report about the Government's intention to legislate so that tobacco companies would have to put their fags in 'plain packets'. Doctors were delighted saying that it would help to stop children and young people from being enticed by the packaging. On November 20 2010, the BBC reported:

Make cigarette packaging plain, government urges The government is considering making all cigarettes packets plain brown or grey.

The report continued:

The government plans to ask retailers to cover up displays of cigarettes from next year to protect children.

Health Secretary Andrew Lansley said "glitzy designs on packets" attracted children to smoking and it made sense to look at "less attractive packaging".

The article quoted 'Old Silver Fox' Lansley the then Secretary of State for Health as follows:

"The evidence is clear that packaging helps to recruit smokers, so it makes sense to consider having less attractive packaging. It's wrong that children are being attracted to smoke by glitzy designs on packets.

"We would prefer it if people did not smoke and adults will still be able to buy cigarettes, but children should be protected from the start.

"The levels of poor health and deaths from smoking are still far too high, and the cost to the NHS and the economy is vast. That money could be used to educate our children and treat cancer,"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-11796903

Now that is what I call laying it on the line! The 'evidence is clear'!! Can't be more positive than that! At that time, all the Cabinet colleagues seemed to agree! But whoa there, matee!! What was it that Arturo and I read in 'The Sun', last week?:

DAVID Cameron has scrapped plans to force all cigarettes to be sold in plain packs, The Sun can reveal.

That was the headline written by Tom Newton Dunn, The Sun's political editor. He continued:

Campaigners had insisted making packets bland would put smokers off — and stop kids from starting the habit.

The PM initially backed the plan, but has been persuaded it would damage the packaging industry.

There were also concerns it could cost £3billion in lost tax revenue and tie up the Commons in bitter arguments.

Mr Cameron has now ordered the proposed law to be pulled from next week’s Queen’s Speech.

A Whitehall source said: “Plain packaging may or may not be a good idea, but it’s nothing to do with the Government’s key purpose.

“The PM is determined to strip down everything we do so we can concentrate all our efforts on voters’ essentials. That means growth, immigration and welfare reform.”

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/politics/4911532/Plain-cigarette-packets-plan-abandoned-by-David-Cameron.html

Now there is a statement from a truly 'fit person', I don't think!!! What's more important 'kids starting the habit' with all the health issues that ensue - or caving in to the powerful lobby groups who have at heart their own base interests - just like the bankers!

What's going on here? The Government has its sights on 'essentials' such as 'growth' - that's a joke! 'Immigration'- that'll delight UKIP! 'Welfare reform'!!! That'll satisfy the flog 'em and beat 'em fraternity!

The phrase 'fit person' raises a can of worms, when one comes to think of the way the NHS has been treated! Just think about it for a moment. The present Secretary of State for Health, one Jeremy 'Gormless' Hunt, is some might say a cynical choice for a Government declaring that it will protect the NHS.

Why is that, you ask? Think back to the year 2005 when our Jeremy 'Gormless' Hunt was still a thrusting youth hoping to catch the eye of the Tory Big-Wigs. So what did he do? He co-authored 'Direct Democracy: An Agenda for a New Model Party'. In this book, there is the following statement:

“Our ambition should be to break down the barriers between private and public provision, in effect denationalising the provision of health care in Britain.”

Yes, my friends, you did read it correctly 'denationalising the provision of health care in Britain'. Now this same Jeremy 'Gormless' Hunt and ex-banker 'Smarmy' Howe are the lead 'fit persons' for health!!!! Well- I ask you! No wonder 'plain' packaging for cigarettes went up the Swanee! But, as Arturo has so frequently moaned:

What is politics other than institutionalised lying?

Arturo and I have had our fill of 'unfit persons' running along the corridors of power in Downing Street. Arturo's cousin, Alfonso, has promised us some crab claws and squid ink for supper tonight! I'm hoping for a saucer of Chianti to go with the meal!

Bye

April Fools @ No. 10

"Watch out, Butch, the ceiling's falling down!" Arturo yelled. When I jumped, he let out a chuckle: "April Fool!"

I had forgotten it was April Fool's Day! One look at the papers and a half hour listening to the BBC Radio 4 programme 'Today' made it obvious that there were more than a few real April Fools right here in Downing Street.

For instance, yesterday morning, whilst I was dozing, I heard the dulcet tones of 'Silent Man' Iain Duncan Smith - Work & Pensions Secretary. Only he wasn't quite so silent. He was waxing eloquent about how he could

live off £53 a week 'if I had to'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-21993453

According to my reckoning that's £7.57 a day. Ummmm! Out of that he would have to pay for rent, food and travel! Let's just suppose he's happy using Shanks's pony, the cost of shoe repairs doesn't come cheap! Even Boris's Bikes cost £2 for a day! Sandwiches and tea are expensive! Electricity for shaving that smooth chin and pate would soon mount up!

£7.57 a day!! I don't think so, 'Silent Man' Iain Duncan Smith! Perhaps, you'd be better to keep schtum.

But that wasn't the only madness on the great day for practical jokes, no siree! There was an even better one - that is if you like Gallows' Humour.

The joke is that April 1st heralded the much vaunted changes to the NHS! But, it seems no one was celebrating, let alone laughing! An article in The Independent by Owen Jones said it all under the headline:

Farewell to the NHS, 1948-2013: a dear and trusted friend finally murdered by Tory ideologues : This week's 'reforms' of a treasured institution - by people who came to power promising not to mess with it - is yet another sickening assault on the poor by the rich

He wrote:

Nothing is more gut-wrenching than watching a close friend dying in front of you. And I mean beyond close: a friend who brought you into the world, helped raise you, and was there whenever you were most desperately in need. So, spare a moment for our National Health Service. Time of death: midnight, 1st April 2013. Cause of death: murder.

And 'murder' it sure is! For the body of the NHS is not likely to rise again. Owen Jones continued:

From today, strategic health authorities and primary care trusts are formally abolished. Some £60bn of the NHS budget is now in the hands of clinical commissioning groups, supposedly run by GPs. This is a sham, though one which turns local doctors into human shields for the privatisers. In reality, the vast majority of GPs will keep on doing what they do already – looking after patients – while commissioning will be managed by private companies.

He exposed the cynical disemboweling of the once treasured NHS, quoting from several doctors who are appalled at what is happening!

Owen Jones' article went on:

The great sell-off of our NHS is already well under way. Virgin Care now run more than 100 NHS services across the country, from radiology departments to GP clinics. Last year, they were given a £100m contract to run services in Surrey, and a £130m contract to run key NHS services for young people in Devon. Not that you’d know, of course: services run by the profiteering vultures circling ahead operate under the NHS logo, hiding privatisation from public view.

The final paragraph was poignant:

It was Nye Bevan ... who said “The NHS will last as long as there are folk left with the faith to fight for it”. It is with huge regret that I must say that – however much faith we have – we did not fight to save it. The NHS has been killed, murdered, assassinated by a Tory government. The question now is – do we have enough faith to bring it back to life?

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/farewell-to-the-nhs-19482013-a-dear-and-trusted-friend-finally-murdered-by-tory-ideologues-8555503.html

So there you have it, dear friends! A right old mess on April 1 2013. The 'Silent Man' blowing his mouth off without engaging his brain - if he has one! Aneurin Bevan turning in his grave and caring doctors wringing their hands in despair! Some April Fool's joke!!!

And, overseeing this shambles is 'Boy David' Cameron with talk of the 'Big Society'. What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South!

Arturo was nodding sagely when he heard the comments. Then he said: "April Fool's Day? Blimey, Butch, it's like that every day here in Downing Street!"

Arturo and I discovered an uneaten Easter egg that had rolled under the Cabinet Office table. Large, round and milk chocolate! Yum Yum!

Bye