More Omnishambles! @ No 10

"He's done it again," Arturo chuckled.

"Done what?" I asked

"Engaged his mouth before using his brain!"

The 'he', in question, was none other than our 'Boy David' Cameron. He really did use his mouth without consulting his brain at Prime Minister's Questions, this week. The furore has yet to die down!

On Wednesday, at PMQs, he was asked by MP, Chris Williamson, what action he would take:

to help people reduce their energy bills

The Prime Minister, in somewhat of a flurried state, announced:

We have encouraged people to switch, which is one of the best ways to get energy bills down. I can announce, which I am sure the hon. Gentleman will welcome, that we will be legislating so that energy companies have to give the lowest tariff to their customers

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201213/cmhansrd/cm121017/debtext/121017-0001.htm#12101758000008

Now - that was some statement: "we will be legislating so that energy companies have to give the lowest tariff to their customers"! Praises rang out through the Nation! Energy companies, whose profits have been doing 'very nicely thank you', would be brought kicking and screaming into giving out fair deals! So that's alright then!

Is it, really? Nothing is ever quite straightforward with this ConDem Government! There have been endless u-turns to policy announcements - too many to list! So! Was this latest Prime Ministerial statement going to herald another such u-turn? Let's see ...

Poor old Ed Davey, Minister of State for Energy, must have been bemused by his Boss announcing energy policy without being forewarned! He was happily addressing the CBI one day after the Prime Ministerial bombshell. Had to be a bit careful, didn't he? Did't want to upset the apple-cart, as they say! So - what exactly did 'Poor Old' Ed Davey say? He said of those dastardly 'Big Six' Energy Companies:

They will have to tell their customers every year what is the best available tariff

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/energy/9616950/Energy-policy-shambles-as-David-Cameron-and-Ed-Davey-outline-opposing-plans.html

No mention of the beloved PMs words "... have to give their lowest tariff"! Clever bit of footwork - or rather mouth-work - by 'Poor Old' Ed Davey who must have had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach!

The plot thickened still further. There was another creature who was landed in the mess even more than 'Poor Old' Ed Davey. That was the actual Minister for Energy himself John Hayes! Whilst his boss, the Secretary of State was no doubt eating caviar with the CBI, Hayes was left to face the full force of questioning in the House of Commons, from Caroline Flint, Shadow Energy Secretary.

To be fair he gave, like the Winnie-the-Pooh lookalike that he is, a rather endearing performance! He stumbled through his answers without giving any indication he had a clue about what the PM had announced.

This was what Caroline Flint said:

Yesterday, the Prime Minister threw energy policy into confusion, causing chaos — I ask the Secretary of State to make a statement on the matter.

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201213/cmhansrd/cm121018/debtext/121018-0001.htm#12101828000004

Hayes, in his best 'Winnie-the-Pooh' voice, replied:

Following the Prime Minister’s announcement yesterday, I am pleased to confirm that we will be bringing forward legislation to help energy consumers to get the best deal. We have already regulated, we have plans to improve competition and simplify tariffs in the retail market process, and we will improve liquidity and competition in the wholesale market, through the Energy Bill, in weeks rather than months. A number of options are being considered... This is a complicated area, and we will have discussions with the industry, consumer groups and the regulator in order to work through the detail.

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201213/cmhansrd/cm121018/debtext/121018-0001.htm#12101828000004

Poor John Hayes!! As an article in 'Power Engineering' stated:

Mr Hayes admitted he did not know the Prime Minister was planning to announce legislation to force energy companies to offer consumers the lowest possible tariff.

http://www.power-eng.com/news/2012/10/19/cameron-intervention-caused-chaos.html

Arturo was beside himself with glee at this 'omnishambles'. He told me:

"You know, mi old pal! 'Boy David' Cameron is a well trained PR man! He delights in having the skills of a Public Relations expert. But in my youth, I knew a doctor who used to write on his prescriptions when appropriate, 'to be given PR'. Do you know what 'PR' meant, in that context?"

I shook my innocent head. I knew Arturo would enlighten me! He always does. He continued:

"PR, in medical parlance, means 'per rectum'. In other words medicine is given via the patient's bum! Now you and I know, don't we, that things come out of your bum as well! The pity is that 'Boy David' Cameron obviously gets his mouth and bum confused!

Now that really is food for thought! It's more omnishambles at No 10!

Talking of food - we're going to the kitchen of a nice little Italian restaurant tonight!

'Ciao!'

Posh boys still rule - but not OK @ No 10

So - the party conference season has come and gone. It has been quiet for Arturo and me in the corridors of Downing Street. The rats and mice had a great time gobbling up the fancy leftovers from the kitchen floors of Nos 10 and 11. Then, we rounded up old Larry and caught the lot of them!

Arturo and I settled down by the TV to watch 'Georgy' Osborne give his speech. A pretty dismal performance. 'Georgy' kept nodding his head in total agreement with himself. He was reminiscent of one of those 'nodding dogs' - particularly bulldogs - who sit on the rear shelves of cars. He had the same hapless look and pleading eyes as if begging for a pat on the head from his Boss! Instead, we expect he got a kick up the ar** the next day when the IMF published its figures on the UK economy!

The Boss man himself prepared to give his speech after the much applauded, pantomime performance of 'Mop Head' Johnson. Arturo and I noticed that the make-up artists who strive to give Cameron the orange-glow of virility had opted for a new look. Seldom have I seen such a thick layer of pale gunge plastered on 'Boy David' Cameron's face! It contrasted rather starkly with the remnants of the orange-glow from his neck and the purple of his tie! Arturo ventured to suggest that it had been applied so that he looked like one of the 'sickly plebs' so despised by the Chief Whip.

After all as Arturo said:

"The NEETS (Not in Education, Employment or Training) are starving and cold - so the PM had better look like they do, as well - a great vote-catcher that! It's known as the sympathy vote!"

A tad cynical, I thought - but then again ...

The Cameron speech was not a thrilling theatrical moment though it was full of PR phrases:

Though the challenge before us is daunting, I have confidence in our country. Why? Because Britain can deliver. We can do big things. We saw it this summer. The Jubilee, the Olympics, the Paralympics... the best country in the world..

Now that got them on their feet! Good bit of PR there! But there was more to come! Knowing the popularity of the 'Mop Head', the PR man that is Cameron knew he had to bite the bullet so he referred to him in the following terms:

..the zinger on the zip-wire...the Conservative Mayor of London: our Boris Johnson.

Note the 'our'! Clever stuff that!

Now down to the nitty-gritty! 'Our' 'Boy David' had declared himself a passionate supporter of the NHS. What would he say now - now that it is in tatters! He said:

To all those people who said we'd bring the NHS down...I say...well, yes, you've got a point. I'll tell you what is down.

Waiting lists - down. Mixed wards - down. The number of managers - down. Bureaucratic targets - down. Hospital infections - down.

And what's up? The number of doctors, the number of dentists, the number of midwives, the number of operations carried out in our NHS.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/conservative-party-conference-2012-in-birmingham-full-transcript-of-david-camerons-speech-8205536.html

Now that had them all cheering in the serried ranks of the great Tory backwaters! But the truth - the truth, Mr Cameron, is rather different! The NHS is 'down'. It's not quite 'down and out' but almost. As the following blog pointed out:

* South London Healthcare Trust * Mid Staffordshire Trust * Peterborough and Stamford Trust

The three Trusts above are perilously close to being broken up and sold off to private companies. South London & Mid Staffordshire FTs are already in administration & Peterborough looks set to follow that way at Christmas. ... Among those reporting an interest were Virgin Care and Serco. If the deals were 10 year Franchises like Hinchingbrooke, it could mean the tendering of up to £4.5bn of services in South London alone. Mid Staffs sell off could lead to up to £2bn of services being sold off. Peterborough is not quite there yet but Circle Healthcare have identified it as a Trust that they see themselves in with a chance of taking over. The 3 large Foundation Trusts listed above are on the brink of being broken up and sold off to varying degrees. We will begin to hear of the plans for South London in the next fortnight.

http://eoin-clarke.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/view-nhs-trusts-facing-franchise.html

So, "Yes, Prime Minister!" It was fitting that you put on the whey-faced stance! The orange-glow of your normal look would have turned a nasty shade of beige when you said:

So be in no doubt: this is the party of the NHS and that's the way it's going to stay.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/conservative-party-conference-2012-in-birmingham-full-transcript-of-david-camerons-speech-8205536.html

I asked Arturo what score he would have given 'Boy David' for his performance if the speech had been the equivalent of dancing the tango on Strictly Come Dancing!

"On delivery - I'd have given 3 out of 10. On factual accuracy, I'd have given him zilch!"

Wise old cat is Arturo! With 'Boy David' and wife away, we decided to forgo a 'kitchen supper'. I'll treat him to a fish-pie at the corner cafe tonight!

'Bye'