How do you solve a problem like Maria? at No. 10

I was padding along the corridor when Arturo ambushed me. He waved a sheet of song lyrics in front of my nose.

"It's from the 'Sound of Music'" he said. "The lyrics are perfect for our shenanigans here and in Parliament - you know - What to do about Maria Miller! Maybe, we need some nuns to solve the PM's problem with her!!"

To my dismay, I was then treated to Arturo's discordant caterwauling ...

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her

Many a thing she ought to understand

But how do you make her stay and listen to all you say

He continued ...

When I'm with her I'm confused, out of focus and bemused

And I never know exactly where I am

Unpredictable as weather, she's as flighty as a feather

Finally, I made out the words ...

She'd out pester any pest, drive a hornet from its nest

She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl...

http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/rodgers_and_hammerstein/how_do_you_solve_a_problem_like_maria-lyrics-213832.html

"Oh! Do shut up!" I heard myself saying. Arturo just grinned.

He stopped 'singing' and fixing me with a beady eye, he said: "Our Maria Miller, Member of Parliament for Basingstoke, Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport and Minister for Women and Equalities, is not a happy bunny at the moment. Or hadn't you noticed?"

Of course, I had noticed - how could I NOT have noticed! It's Maria here, Maria there - Maria everywhere but not where she should be! For those of you who haven't been following the sorry story - let me fill you in.

The Observer reported that:

... the commissioner for parliamentary standards, Kathryn Hudson, recommended that Miller repay £45,000 in expenses for a house she shared with her parents and had wrongly claimed was her "second home". The rules say second homes must be used exclusively for parliamentary purposes that would not include using them to accommodate parents. The cross-party House of Commons standards committee, which adjudicated on the report, overruled the watchdog and decided she only needed to hand back £5,800 in overclaimed mortgage interest. Miller was ordered to apologise to the Commons for failing to co-operate fully with the inquiries, which she did in a statement whose brevity shocked MPs.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/apr/05/maria-miller-support-ebbs-away

The article was written by the paper's political editor Toby Helm. He gave a thorough account of the plight in which Maria Miller now finds herself. He wrote:

The former chairman of the committee on standards in public life, Sir Alistair Graham, said he was shocked at Miller's behaviour. "The degree of lack of co-operation and the attempt to divert the commissioner from addressing the issues concerned both seem fairly exceptional.

"I think particularly for a senior cabinet minister, who you expect to show a leadership role in co-operating with whatever expenses system is around, it is pretty shocking.

"I think the public will be very shocked that the committee did overturn one of the key recommendations about how much should be repaid back, when there is a real possibility that the minister made a capital gain with the help of public funds."

Tut! Tut! I thought that this Coalition Government claimed to make their future expenses claims whiter than white! In 2009, Andrew Sparrow, writing in The Guardian commented on 'Boy David' Cameron's statements about MP's' expenses:

Cameron also said he had told members of his shadow cabinet to publish more information about what they are claiming.

From 12 May, they have been publishing their expenses claims online.

But, from today, they also will have to publish "significant correspondence" relating to their expenses and their receipts on the internet.

"This is a large but necessary task," Cameron said. "All MPs must explain their past errors and account for them.

"But I am determined that, from this point on, myself and my shadow cabinet will do all we can to be as transparent as possible. Only then can trust between the public and their politicians begin to be rebuilt."

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2009/jun/19/gordon-brown-david-cameron-expenses-transparency

Well - blow me down! So - transparency was the order of the day back in 2009 - what about in 2014? Just read what Maria Miller was quoted as saying in the Telegraph by Peter Dominiczak, Claire Newell, Holly Watt and Christopher Hope

When asked to explain details about her mortgage, Mrs Miller wrote an email which said: “I am not sure I am able to assist further. The matter was over six years ago and I’m reluctant to speculate without attempting to locate any documents on the subject if I still have any”.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses/conservative-mps-expenses/10743455/Maria-Miller-expenses-report-MPs-conspired-to-save-Culture-Secretary.html

Some transparency! Some cheek! However, all may not be lost for our little Maria. She may have found her very own Georg Ludwig von Trapp. Who might this be, do I hear you ask? Well none other than that delightful Clown of the House of Commons who enjoys his own beer and bingo - yes - you've guessed it:

Apple Schnapps Shaps

who was quoted in The Mail

Conservative Party chairman Grant Shapps said it was time to ‘draw a line’ under the controversy.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2597821/British-public-want-David-Cameron-axe-shamed-Maria-Miller-Culture-Secretary-expenses-dodge.html

As I pondered all this malarkey, I heard Arturo caterwauling - for the umpteenth time:

She'd out pester any pest, drive a hornet from its nest

She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl...

A right old can of worms, if you ask me. And Arturo says we ain't seen the end of it yet! It's hungry work all this listening to caterwauling - I'm off to the Italian pizza parlour round the corner. Maybe - if Arturo sings loud enough, the opera loving chef will give us some scampi just to get rid of us!! Some hope!.