"No ifs, no buts!" at No. 10

"No ifs, no buts, mi old pal, our PR man of a PM uses foolish phrases, that are 'hostages to fortune'!" Arturo was grinning from whisker to whisker as he pointed at a tablet screen.

I ventured closer and saw a whole series of tabs - so naturally I investigated. This is what Arturo had so efficiently laid out for me to read!

In October 2009 David Cameron, before he became Prime Minister, said:

‘No ifs, no buts, there’ll be no third runway at Heathrow’

Yet within months, he had set up a Commission to investigate the feasibility of that very same 'third runway'! Ummmm! So just what did 'no ifs, no buts' mean to 'Boy David' Cameron, I wonder.

The infamous 'no ifs, no buts' phrase has been used by Cameron and his pals on many occasions but the real, 'humdinger', as Arturo would say, was yet to come!

The BBC News web site quoted from Cameron's now infamous speech made in 2011 on the government's immigration policy:

... net migration to this country will be in the order of tens of thousands each year, not the hundreds of thousands every year that we have seen over the last decade.

... But with us, our borders will be under control and immigration will be at levels our country can manage.

No ifs. No buts.

That's a promise we made to the British people. And it's a promise we are keeping.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-13083781

Well, well, well! That was another rash promise to make, Prime Minister! The facts showed that

624,000 people immigrated to the UK in the year ending September 2014, a statistically significant increase from 530,000 in the previous 12 months.

http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/migration1/migration-statistics-quarterly-report/february-2015/index.html

Oh dear! Oh dear! 624,000 and 'statistically significant' to boot! That don't sound like 'tens of thousands', darlin' - that sounds more like hundreds of thousands, to me.

Arturo wonders why 'Boy David' Cameron uses this little refrain, 'no ifs, no buts' so often!

This particular 'no ifs, no buts' foray - even produced a response from Cameron's 'rose garden' pal, 'Wailing Lad Clegg. He was quoted by Alan Travis in The Guardian:

“I think it’s very embarrassing for the Conservatives. They made a huge amount of fanfare about it and they were warned. They were warned by me and others, privately: ‘Don’t do this, it doesn’t make any sense.’

“And now of course, I think they quite rightly will have to suffer the embarrassment having made a commitment on something which people care about passionately, which is immigration. They have made a commitment and they have failed spectacularly to deliver it.”

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/feb/26/net-migration-to-uk-higher-than-when-coalition-took-office

Clegg may be Deputy Prime Minister but he knows an election is in the offing - so true to form, he's positioning himself away from pal Cameron. Of course, we all know that 'Wailing Lad' Clegg adheres to his promises - remember tuition fees, do you?

The Conservative Party Spring Conference, just 40 days before the Election, has been addressed by 'Boy David' Cameron. This time there was no sign of the infamous 'no ifs, no buts'. However, he did say:

Over the next five years we will deliver the following things:

3 million Apprenticeships.

Full employment...

Building 100,000 new Starter Homes...

Ring-fencing NHS spending so not a penny is cut.

Renegotiating in Europe.

Delivering that in-out referendum.

Scrapping the Human Rights Act.

... If you want those things, vote for me.

... So this is the big question for that election.

On the things that matter in your life, who do you really trust?

http://press.conservatives.com/post/98882674910/david-cameron-speech-to-conservative-party

The NHS is going to be a major battleground in the coming election. Cameron's pledge that

Ring-fencing NHS spending so not a penny is cut.

was reinforced at that same conference by this statement from him:

"With a future Conservative government, we would have a truly seven-day NHS. ... by 2020."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/32094681

In the same BBC news item quoting Cameron's speech, Dr Mark Porter, chairman of the British Medical Association, was reported as having stated:

Conservatives' funding commitment was not even enough to maintain existing services, and that a funding gap of up to £30bn a year was predicted to open up.

He said: "Without a detailed, fully-costed plan to provide the staff and resources needed to deliver more seven-day services, this is at best an empty pledge and at worst shameless political game-playing with the NHS ahead of the election."

Phew!!

If anyone should know the state of health of the NHS - probably it is the Chairman of the British Medical Association! He thinks that the NHS promises made by Cameron are

at best an empty pledge and at worst shameless political game-playing

We should not be surprised by this though - oh no! The same was true in 2009 and 2010 - George Eaton, in 2013, wrote about them in The New Statesman under the headline:

The pre-election pledges that the Tories are trying to wipe from the internet: "No frontline cuts", "no top-down NHS reorganisations", "no VAT rise" - why the Conservatives are trying to erase all pre-May 2010 speeches and press releases from the internet.

These were some of the pre-2010 election promises that Eaton commented on:

No cuts to front-line services

As remarkable as it may seem, David Cameron told Andrew Marr the weekend before the general election that a Conservative government would not cut any front-line services.

"We have absolutely no plans to raise VAT"

In an interview with Jeremy Paxman on 23 April 2010, Cameron said: "We have absolutely no plans to raise VAT. Our first Budget is all about recognising we need to get spending under control rather than putting up tax."

... NHS: "no more top-down reorganisations"

In a speech at the Royal College of Pathologists on 2 November 2009, Cameron said: "With the Conservatives there will be no more of the tiresome, meddlesome, top-down re-structures that have dominated the last decade of the NHS."

http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/2013/11/pre-election-pledges-tories-are-trying-wipe-internet

Just check out the REAL FACTS - all the pledges vanished into thin air, my friends. All of them! Just ask those 'frontline' NHS nursing staff, police officers, firefighters and the emergency ambulance crews! No frontine cuts! My eye!

As to 'No increase in VAT!' Surprise, surprise - it went up from 17.5% to 20%! In fact:

Unveiling his first Budget to MPs, Mr Osborne said "tough but fair" action on debt was "unavoidable".

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10371590

My! My! in his 'first Budget'! Can you credit that! What price a pledge?

And as for 'no top-down NHS reorganisation' - the NHS has seen one vast top-down reorganisation. The cost of that reorganisation? Billions of pounds! Yes - billions of pounds!! Also, what about the private companies tearing its very structure apart!

All in all - you could say that this Coalition with its rash of promises has behaved just like a right old bunch of geezers! Toffs they may like to think they are - but to us they're just geezers!

I decided to give Arturo a treat tonight - I'm taking him to meet Yanis - the friendly tabby from the Greek Embassy. He says he knows a great little Greek restaurant where we might even be able to sip retsina with our milk! And, boy, oh boy, do we need something a bit stronger - to fortify our brains to digest the next round of pledges, promises and 'no ifs, no buts'. Maybe we'll have a wee Ouzo to steady our nerves!

Bye

'Roll Up! Roll Up' - UK Bargains at No. 10

"I'm thinking of finding things to put in the Downing Street Jumble sale." Arturo said cryptically.

"Oh yeah!" I tried to sound nonchalant - 'cos I hadn't a clue what he was on about.

"Yeah! How about selling off your cat litter tray?"

"Haven't got one!" I replied.

"You don't have to own one personally, mi old pal. Just do a Cameron and Osborne! Lay your hands on anything that looks as though it's got value and then sell it!" He pointed a paw at a pile of newspapers and at a tablet screen. "Just see how it's done! it's easy!"

My mind fair boggled when I read all the articles - Arturo was right. Take a look:

Last year Asa Bennett wrote an article in the Huffington Post UK under the headline:

George Osborne's Land Sale Plan Like 'Selling Off Family Silver', Critics Warn

The article continued:

George Osborne has been accused of planning to "sell off the family silver" over new plans to pay down the budget deficit by potentially selling any of the government's property at a "fair price".

The new "right to contest" scheme will allow businesses and members of the public to submit a proposal for any of the government's £330 billion worth of land and property, even if they are currently in use.

So that's where Arturo got his idea from! 'Georgy' Osborne settling the deficit by selling 'off the family silver'. He seems to be selling the ground from under his feet ... and under ours!! Dodgey! Very Dodgey! Let's see what more Asa Bennett wrote:

Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude made clear that the government will not be selling "national treasures" like Downing Street or the British Museum. "Hard-working taxpayers expect us to save money like this and that’s just what we are determined to do,” he said.

Ah Ha! That's telling 'em, 'Weasel Man' Francis Maude, Tory MP for Horsham, Minister for the Cabinet Office and Paymaster General. Yes! The one and only 'Lord-High-Everything' was there to defend the master plan. So Osborne is not planning to sell off Downing Street or the British Museum! Wonder if he's thought about Buckingham Palace - that's a nice bit of real estate!

However, Green Party leader Natalie Bennett did not agree with the old Weasel Man's defence. She was quoted as saying:

... Public assets should continue to be used for the common good, whether it be sporting fields, libraries or community meeting rooms. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. We’ll have little chance of getting them back and we’ll all be poorer.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/01/08/george-osborne-government-land_n_4560755.html

I looked around the Cabinet Office at the chairs and table - the pictures on the wall, the lush carpet beneath my paws and wondered when they would be sold off!

Next, I came across another example of a sell-off! I saw The Guardian headline:

Royal Mail sale underpriced by £1bn, says scathing select committee report: MPs from all three main parties agree that government pushed through privatisation at expense of getting a good deal

Sean Farrell wrote

Taxpayers lost out on £1bn because the government and its City advisers underpriced the privatisation of Royal Mail, a committee of MPs says today.

In a highly critical report, the Business, Innovation and Skills (Bis) committee said the government worried too much about pushing the privatisation through at the expense of getting the best price for taxpayers.

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/jul/11/royal-mail-sale-lost-1bn-says-select-committee

Can you believe it! The taxpayers of the UK lost £1bn! That ain't chicken feed!! So - it seems that the Coalition Government is not only unable to know the value of anything but doesn't even know its real cost. Or something to that effect!!

Was our 'Georgy' Osborne daunted by all this criticism - No he was not! Was 'Boy David' Cameron deterred from making another 'fine mess'? No he was not! What did the lads do, do I hear you ask? Well this is what they did:

George Osborne accused of 'selling off the family silver' after announcing Eurostar sale

Yes, my friends! You did read that correctly. Eurostar, beloved of Mrs 'Iron Lady' Thatcher was sold off! Macer Hall wrote in The Express

The Chancellor yesterday gave the go-ahead to a £757.1million deal to offload the 40 per cent state holding in the cross-Channel rail operator to a pension-fund consortium.

The move, which will give Mr Osborne more room for manoeuvre on tax and spending in his Budget in a fortnight, was formally announced early today when the Stock Exchange opened.

The article continued:

However, the move has been criticised by rail unions, with some accusing the Chancellor of conducting a "short-sighted, pre-election act of public sector destruction".

http://www.express.co.uk/news/politics/561765/Chancellor-George-Osborne-sell-eurostar

Now where have we heard of public sector destruction before? Remember, do you? Yes! The NHS of course!!

Osborne, Cameron and Hunt have not yet said: "By the way, we're selling off the NHS! It's good for the public purse, don't you know?" But, according to the NHS Support Federation it seems that:

almost all of the clinical work that the NHS provides has been opened up to the for-profit sector and they have begun to take over the caring of many NHS patients. At present the NHS is still the dominant provider and for the most part care is still free of charges. But the private sector is quickly expanding its role, energised by the passing of the Health and Social Care Act early in 2012. In areas of many care, the NHS is having to compete for patients and funding, in a new market-focussed health service.

Take a trip to your family doctor, many now work for companies like Virgin and Care UK. Your GP may send you for tests carried out by companies like In-health, who run imaging and pathology. Your GP may refer you to a hospital for surgery - perhaps performed in one of the privately run treatment centres. When you return home you could be cared for by one of the queue of companies who are now taking over the running of community health services right across the country. The reach and influence of the private sector over our healthcare is growing fast.

http://www.nhsforsale.info/privatisation-list.html

Boy, oh boy! The country has become a veritable schmutter fest! So anything else been sold off - well yes, actually! Mona Chalabi writing in The Guardian under the headline :

Britain sells off £1.7bn of family silver

wrote:

New statistics reveal that the UK government has allowed the export of thousands of objects of cultural importance in the space of less than a year - what were they?

She continued:

Between May 2012 and April 2013, 33,842 items, with a total value of £1,665,255,992, were issued with export licences after experts decided they did not have sufficient national importance.

http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2014/jan/30/britain-sells-off-17bn-of-cultural-importance

So - there you have it! If it is worth a farthing, Osborne and Cameron reckon it's worth selling! You notice they don't sell off their own houses, carpets, curtains or books! That wouldn't be good sense. According to Arturo, their motto must surely be

What's thine is mine to do what I will with - but what's mine is mine - is mine, mate - so get your mucky paws off!

They'd be more genteel like! But that's the gist of it!

Me and Arturo felt quite depressed - we can see our very homes disappearing down the Swanee! What we need is some good old comfort nosh! We're off to the Italian Deli round the corner - the chef there has some scampi on the menu tonight - some is sure to fall off the worktop!

Bye

It's a rich man's world @ No.10

"What's all this about fat cats? I ain't nor are you a fat cat." Arturo was quite beside himself, as he pointed to a screen.

Fatcat fund managers dodge £700MILLION in tax every year because of loophole

I too was incensed 'fatcat' indeed! But I decided to read on to discover the justification for that headline in The Mirror online. The article was by Jack Blanchard:

Fatcat fund managers are using a £700million-a-year loophole to pay a lower income tax rate than teachers and nurses, a report warns today.

Ah Ha, I thought, so that's what its all about - not fat cats eating pieces of tuna - but really gross fat cats gobbling up the dosh! I read on:

(38 Degrees Group Director) Mr Babbs urged Chancellor George Osborne to side with “hardworking families on average incomes” by closing the loophole in his March 18 Budget.

But many private equity bosses bankroll the Conservative Party.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/fatcat-fund-managers-dodge-700million-5187932

It gets real murky! People with taxable income up to £31,865 are basic-rate taxpayers and pay tax at 20% - yet it seems that some of these private equity bosses 'cut tax bills to just 10% by treating their multi-million pound wages as capital gains instead'! Talk about something smelling rotten in the State of Denmark!

A story on the same topic, written by Chris Green appeared in The Independent under the headline:

Private equity bosses using £700m tax ‘loophole’ – and donating to the Tories

Can't get clearer than that, can you? Even I can hear the fat cats guzzling! Further on Green quoted David Babbs:

“Money which should be funding the NHS is going to millionaire fund managers instead,” said David Babbs, executive director at 38 Degrees. The group added that the current draft of the Government’s forthcoming Finance Bill, published in December, explicitly exempted the private-equity executives from new anti-tax avoidance legislation.

Green explained how the loophole operates:

The so-called Mayfair tax loophole allows private equity executives to pay relatively low tax on the profits their investment funds make from buying and selling companies.

This is achieved by classifying this profit (known as “carried interest”) as capital gains – as if it had been produced by investing their own personal capital – rather than salaried income.

While their salaries and bonuses are subject to normal income tax rules, the carried interest – which in some cases makes up the majority of the executives’ pay packets – is subject only to capital gains tax at 28 per cent, instead of income tax at 40 per cent or 45 per cent.

The special arrangement is guaranteed by a memorandum of understanding negotiated outside Parliament between HMRC and the private equity industry’s umbrella group, the British Venture Capital Association.

Critics say the loophole is unfair, as the money wagered on private equity deals largely comes from outside investors, not the executives themselves. They argue that it would make more sense for the profits to be taxed like salaries at the higher income tax rate.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/private-equity-bosses-using-700m-tax-loophole--and-donating-to-the-tories-10054911.html

Now that is a pretty clear explanation - even for skinny cats, like me and Arturo, to grasp! But in this 'rich man's world' there are other areas where even stinking fish would smell sweet! Just take a look at a story in The Guardian by Owen Bowcott which had the headline:

HSBC should face UK criminal charges, says former public prosecutor: Lord Ken Macdonald QC says HMRC’s decision not to prosecute bank over Swiss revelations was ‘seriously legally flawed’

The article continued:

In a legal opinion prepared for the consumer watchdog, SumOfUs, Lord Ken Macdonald QC argues that there is sufficient evidence for the bank to be investigated for conspiracy to defraud the UK tax authorities. Decisions taken by Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs (HMRC) not to prosecute the bank were “seriously legally flawed”, he said.

...Macdonald also said he believed that evidence already publicly available suggested HSBC should be prosecuted under the 1977 Criminal Law Act for its part in a “systemic” operation to deprive HMRC of revenue.

“It seems clear, from the evidence we have seen, that there exists credible evidence that HSBC Swiss and/or its employees have engaged over many years in systematic and profitable collusion in serious criminal activity against the exchequers of a number of countries.

Wow! That's telling 'em! But that was not the end of the article, no siree. It continued:

Martin Caldwell of SumOfUs said: “No company can be above the law. If HSBC or its employees have defrauded British taxpayers they need to be brought to justice. By allowing wealthy clients to evade tax HSBC has cheated the public out of millions of pounds that could have funded schools, hospitals and libraries across the country.

“UK tax authorities have serious questions to answer. At best HMRC suffered a serious lapse of judgement, at worst they allowed HSBC and its wealthy customers to play by different rules to the rest of us.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2015/feb/22/hsbc-uk-criminal-charges-former-public-prosecutor-hmrc

So it seems that these fat cats have been having more than just a few 'meal deals'! They've had a veritable banquet.

By now, I felt quite exhausted by all this chicanery! But I read one more article. This was by Jill Treanor and Sean Farrell which had the headline:

HSBC boss says bank shamed by Swiss tax avoidance

Treanor and Farrell wrote:

The bosses of HSBC have admitted they were shamed and humbled by the tax avoidance activities of the group’s Swiss banking arm as the bank revealed its chief executive, Stuart Gulliver, received £7.6m in pay and bonuses last year.

Gulliver, speaking for the first time since the Guardian and other news outlets published a series of revelations about HSBC’s Swiss operations, offered his “sincerest apologies” but was defiant about the account he had with the bank in Geneva which sheltered millions of pounds in a Swiss account through a Panamanian company. The 55-year-old who became chief executive in 2011, was born in Britain but is tax domiciled in Hong Kong, where the bank has major operations.

Oh, dearie me! So how does he get out of this 'fine mess'? Well, read on:

“I would say that a number of us, myself included, think that the practices at the Swiss private bank in the past are a source of shame and reputational damage to HSBC. Yes, I think shame is an appropriate noun,” said Gulliver.

“One of the largest impacts has been on morale inside HSBC. All of us are subject to scrutiny from our families, our friends and people we meet generally in our everyday lives. It makes people embarrassed at HSBC and concerned,” he added.

http://www.theguardian.com/business/2015/feb/23/hsbc-chief-paid-7m-pounds-last-year-profits-slide-tax-avoidance-apology

Arturo reminded me about Jonathan Swift's satirical novel 'Gulliver's Travels' in which a man called Lemuel Gulliver travels to various fictitious lands where bizarre events occur. Wonder whether that's been the problem for Mr Stuart Gulliver of HSBC residing too long in strange lands with people who have even stranger customs!

Arturo and I were drooling at the prospects of fat cats gobbling up cash - it's not cash we were after - it was the smell of steamed cod wafting downstairs from the flat upstairs!

Bye

Money! Money! Money! at No.10

Arturo was mumbling a tune to himself. It took me some time before I recognised it! Abba! Then I found myself singing along:

Money, money, money

Must be funny

In the rich man's world

It's a catchy number, you'll agree.

"So - mi old pal, what do you think? Is it always 'funny' in 'the rich man's world'?" Arturo asked me.

"A fair bit of dosh goes a way to relieving the pains of life!" I replied.

"It stirs the pot nicely in the political world too. In fact it's stirred up quite a storm. I've enjoyed myself enormously!" Arturo grinned pointing at various laptop screens.

To be sure this week has concentrated on 'the rich man's world'. It all started with The Observer on Sunday 8 February. David Leigh, James Ball, Juliette Garside and David Pegg wrote

Part 1 The Leak:

HSBC’s Swiss banking arm helped wealthy customers dodge taxes and conceal millions of dollars of assets, doling out bundles of untraceable cash and advising clients on how to circumvent domestic tax authorities, according to a huge cache of leaked secret bank account files.

The files – obtained through an international collaboration of news outlets, including the Guardian, the French daily Le Monde, BBC Panorama and the Washington-based International Consortium of Investigative Journalists – reveal that HSBC’s Swiss private bank:

• Routinely allowed clients to withdraw bricks of cash, often in foreign currencies of little use in Switzerland.

• Aggressively marketed schemes likely to enable wealthy clients to avoid European taxes.

• Colluded with some clients to conceal undeclared “black” accounts from their domestic tax authorities.

• Provided accounts to international criminals, corrupt businessmen and other high-risk individuals.

http://www.theguardian.com/business/2015/feb/08/hsbc-files-expose-swiss-bank-clients-dodge-taxes-hide-millions?CMP=share_btn_tw

Names, facts, figures and accusations are all there for you to read! And they sure are startling! And worrying not just for those named and Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs but also for our politicians.

The Guardian continued the story, written by the same intrepid journalists:

Part 2 The cash machine

Part 3 The tax vehicle

Part 4 The political donors

Part 5 The unsavoury clients

All splendid stuff that had Arturo salivating with delight! The BBC Panorama programme on the same story had the heading:

Panorama - The Bank of Tax Cheats - Panorama Reporter Richard Bilton reveals how Britain's biggest bank helped some of its wealthiest customers dodge tax and asks why these tax evaders have not been prosecuted.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b052sk1h/panorama-the-bank-of-tax-cheats-panorama

And Richard Bilton certainly didn't pull his punches either! Watch it on the BBC i-player.

The upshot of all this was accusation, accusation, accusation! It culminated in the furore that is PMQs during which Ed 'Hello Gromit' Miliband used his opening question to draw attention to all the shenanigans that had been flying round. He commented that only an hour earlier, a story had come out linking the HSBC tax avoidance scandal with several Tory party donors. He said that these donors had between them given the Tory party nearly £5 million.

In his response, 'Boy David' Cameron attempted to justify himself and his party.

Several exchanges later Ed 'Hello Gromit' Miliband said:

The Prime Minister cannot get away from it: he is a dodgy Prime Minister surrounded by dodgy donors...

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201415/cmhansrd/cm150211/debtext/150211-0001.htm#15021185000005

Ah me! Ah my! What a can of worms has been opened! Needless to say, we are relishing the situation. Now, we discover that Hush-Puppy Man - Ken Clarke has emerged from his cigar-smoke-filled-bunker and gave an interview to The Observer's Daniel Boffey: who wrote:

The Conservatives have been rocked in the past week by a potentially toxic combination of allegations of tax evasion by clients of the HSBC bank, whose chairman, Lord Green, became a Tory minister; tax avoidance by party donors; and leaked details of the secretive black and white fundraising ball.

Boffey went on to quote from Hush-Puppy Man - Ken Clarke:

“The solution is for the party leaders to get together to agree, put on their tin hats and move to a more sensible and ultimately more defensible system.”

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2015/feb/14/ken-clarke-tory-party-shun-wealthy-donors

Tin hats, eh? Don't like the sound of that!

Margaret 'Flog 'em' Hodge, that stalwart defender of ethical financial propriety, chairs the Parliamentary Public Accounts Committee. This week, she was interrogating senior officials from Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs about the HSBC tax evasion story. After listening to some of the responses, she exclaimed:

“I can’t begin for the LIFE of me to understand that pathetic response, quite frankly!” she snapped. And: “Honestly, I want to put a BOMB under you guys!” And: “Are you telling me to BELIEVE that?”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/11406838/Sketch-I-want-to-put-a-BOMB-under-you-guys-Margaret-Hodge-batters-HMRC-over-tax-evasion-claims.html

As Arturo would say: "Yum! Yum! Things are getting juicy!"

Tonight, Arturo's pal, Toscanini, who lives in the basement of the Grosvenor House Hotel in Park Lane has invited us round for a bit of nosh! He told us that lots of grub had been left over after the Tory Black and White Ball. It seems the Ball had been held there specifically to raise funds for the Tory party. Toscanini said that people were willing to pay thousands of pounds to sit next to a Minister - any Minister!!! They were so engrossed they didn't eat up their caviar and anchovies! So much the better for us! Yum! Yum!

Bye

Curiouser and curiouser at No. 10

Arturo and I have discovered where the ice cubes are! We're getting ready to stock up on them! 'Why?' do I hear you ask? Well - from now on and for the next few months, life is going to the dogs in Downing Street! That's not to say it was a bed of roses before! But now - the General Election 2015 is around the corner and it's going to be chaos. We'll need the ice cubes for our heads!

'Boy David' Cameron no longer rates 'Wailing Lad' Clegg who positively loathes the ideas from 'Georgy' Osborne's Treasury! Of course, it's politics red in tooth and claw! Me and Arturo have a front row seat!

The journalists are cutting their talons so that they can type more quickly! The TV interviewers are stocking up on 'Fisherman's Friend' to tone up their vocal cords. The spads are already in a spin! It's a great life - if they don't weaken!

Beauticians and hairdressers will be having a field day - not just here but all over Westminster. For instance, Andrew M Brown writing in the Telegraph, last year under the headline:

Why are male politicians so terrified of looking bald?

He went on to comment:

What exactly has happened to David Cameron's hair? How is that a bald patch which seemed to be expanding aggressively over the crown of his head has now apparently receded, or at least is no longer visible? The answer almost certainly lies in the brilliantly clever artistry of Lino Carbosiero, the PM's hairdresser, who has been awarded an MBE. Hair experts I've spoken to say that Mr Cameron appears to have grown his fringe longer so that there's plenty to sweep back over the sparse patch at the back. This is known as a "curtain".

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/andrewmcfbrown/100253222/why-are-male-politicians-so-terrified-of-looking-bald/

And that was written a year ago - before the spin doctors had started twirling themselves into knots!

But it's not just our PM who has had the attention of the hairdresser, oh no! In the Guardian, last year, there was the headline:

Tory conference diary: George Osborne works on his image makeover Chancellor tries to shed his elitist image with a new haircut and a cockney man-of-the-people act

Michael White commented:

What with George Osborne’s bloke-ish new pudding basin haircut, it’s hardly surprising that even fewer people recognise the former metropolitan elitist. The man who rented the chancellor’s family the pimped-up pink campervan in which they toured the Peak District last month refused to believe that the cockney man-of-the-people in his office was that George Osborne (“We ended up having to Google it”). But the makeover remains a work in progress. When George was rehearsing yesterday’s big speech his coach was overheard trying to get him to relax more. “Be more like Dave,” she said. Osborne opened his jacket and writhed.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/sep/29/tory-conference-diary-george-osborne-chancellor

'Be more like Dave'! I wouldn't, if I were you, Georgy!

There were other comments about the Chancellor's 'new look': Matt Chorley writing in the Mail Online under the headline:

Truth about Osborne's trendy haircut: Chancellor left in the dark about scale of cutbacks when aides took him to the salon

Chorley commented:

It was one of the most dramatic cutbacks of George Osborne’s tenure in the Treasury.

But when the Chancellor underwent his makeover in a smart London hair salon, he had ‘no idea’ how much of his mop would end up on the stylist’s floor.

At the time, Mr Osborne admitted that the new look was in part designed to disguise a bald spot.

He joked that Michael Gove had told him: ‘You have applied your economic policy to your hairstyle. You have turned it around to stop the recession.’

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2739628/Truth-Osborne-s-trendy-haircut-Chancellor-left-dark-scale-cutbacks-aides-took-salon.html

So - 'Georgy' Osborne had the image complex well in advance of the Election race!

What about 'Wailing Lad' Clegg? Well - he has great confidence in what he thinks is his 'boyish' charm! So - he isn't cutting his hair. But he is acting like a male model. Rowena Mason and Lauren Cochrane wrote an article under the Guardian headline:

Nick Clegg liberal with his wardrobe at party conference Deputy prime minister distracts journalists with several changes of outfit in one day at Liberal Democrat conference

They went on to comment:

Nick Clegg has attracted mockery for changing into at least four different outfits in one day at the Liberal Democrats’ autumn conference in Glasgow.

The party leader and deputy prime minister chose to wear casual attire for three public appearances, but wore a suit between outings.

Clegg wore a suit on ITV’s Good Morning Britain, before appearing in jeans or dark trousers and a light blue shirt to visit a primary school with his wife, Miriam González Durántez.

He later appeared on stage at the party conference for a question and answer session wearing a different, darker shirt and some blue-grey trousers. ... Clegg’s choice of clothes appeared to distract journalists from the substance of his remarks, as speculation grew over what it revealed about his attitude towards the conference.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/oct/06/nick-clegg-liberal-democrat-conference-wardrobe

So - you can understand why me and Arturo are sweating! These hair style changes and the fashion show were just the curtain call! Can you imagine what it's going to be like now the curtain is actually rising?

We're off for a bit of spaghetti tonight - Arturo does amazing artwork with strands of pasta!

Bye

The Loose Cannon @ No. 10

"Duck, mi old pal!" Arturo said.

"Why what's wrong?" I asked nervously.

"Watch out for those cannon balls that are flying this way." Arturo, crouching low, pointed dramatically to a Guardian headline:

Downing Street files reveal how Oliver Letwin kept poll tax plans alive

The article by Alan Travis stated:

A young adviser to Margaret Thatcher who is now a minister for David Cameron explicitly suggested that Scotland be used as a testing ground for the introduction of the poll tax, the flagship policy that was eventually to topple her as prime minister.

Oliver Letwin, now a Cabinet Office minister, emerges in official papers publicly released on Tuesday as the man who single-handedly kept the idea of the poll tax alive in the mid 1980s despite attempts by two senior ministers to strangle it at birth.

Travis ended commenting:

The steamroller was to prove unstoppable all the way to the mass riots of 1990 after its introduction into England and Wales – and its role in triggering Thatcher’s downfall six months later.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/dec/30/downing-street-files-oliver-letwin-poll-tax

The Telegraph, in an article by Gregory Walton, stated:

David Cameron’s policy chief Oliver Letwin lobbied Margaret Thatcher to force through the "poll tax" despite warnings from leading ministers that it would be politically "catastrophic", it has emerged.

Letwin, then a policy wonk at Number 10 and now Minister for Government Policy, persuaded the Prime Minister to defy both her Home Secretary and Chancellor and retain the tax officially known as the Community Charge.

The scheme, a forebear of council tax, proved disastrous with widespread rioting and Cabinet dissent over the scheme which was characterised by its detractors as a tax on voting.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/margaret-thatcher/11316656/David-Camerons-policy-chief-lobbied-for-poll-tax-despite-warnings.html

So there you have it in a nutshell! Here was - Oliver 'Loose Cannon' Letwin - the 'policy wonk' of Thatcher, of Iron Lady fame, being shown to have pulled the plug on her career. What it is to have friends and advisers! But Thatcher wasn't the only one who had their career cannon-balled by Oliver ''Loose Cannon' Letwin. No siree - just take a gander at this from the New Statesman:

Oliver Letwin's biggest gaffes

In this article, George Eaton wrote:

... Letwin, then shadow chief secretary to the Treasury, was forced to go into hiding during the 2001 election campaign after briefing newspapers that the Conservatives planned to cut taxes by £20bn, far more than the £8bn promised by William Hague. He told the Financial Times that he was "190 per cent" confident that the Tories could offer additional cuts.

A furious Michael Portillo [then shadow chancellor] replied: "The figures are not right. I have made it perfectly clear that in the first budget I am only committed to £2.2bn worth of tax cuts and that is to produce the reduction in the tax on fuel ... At the end of my second year, I will have produced £8bn of tax cuts."

But the damage was done, with Labour producing "wanted" posters for Letwin.

Incredibly, Letwin, by now shadow chancellor, all but repeated the error three years later when he was secretely recorded telling the Institute of Economic Affairs that he would like to cut public spending by billions more than planned but that it would be electorally disastrous to do so.

Letwin said that his preference would be to cut spending to "shall we say 35 or 30 per cent of Gross Domestic Spending" - rather than the 40 per cent planned by the Tories. His comments were political gold for Gordon Brown, who replied: "These are the most amazing admissions. We know he was committed to £18bn of spending cuts but now, by cutting public spending from 42 per cent to 30 per cent of GDP, he would cut £150bn. That is the equivalent of cutting health and schools from the public budget."

http://www.newstatesman.com/blogs/the-staggers/2011/10/letwin-cut-ideas-exist-20bn

At the 2001 Election, it was William 'Cocky-Boy' Hague who lost the chance to become Prime Minister and then resigned from the Leadership of the Tory Party!

So two balls fired from the badly aimed sights of Oliver 'Loose Cannon' Letwin and, with uncanny accuracy, two Tory leaders felled! What's it they say about 3rd time lucky!! Well, all Arturo and I can do is hope that 'Boy David' Cameron was given a sturdy flak-jacket for Christmas. Why? Well - where to begin?

1. There will be a General Election in May 2015

2. Oliver 'Loose Cannon' Letwin holds a senior position in Cameron's Cabinet!

No - really - I kid you not. Despite his amazing dexterity at wounding his party leaders - someone, somewhere, somehow thinks Letwin has a brain cell! Yes! Really! They must do. Why? Because 'Loose Cannon' Letwin is - wait for it - Minister for Government Policy. Yes! You did read that correctly - this 'policy wonk' who doesn't know his Poll Tax from disaster or his Budget predictions from gibberish is now the leading light in guiding POLICY for Cameron!!!

You couldn't make this story up - if you tried! Not even Spielberg could have written a better script!

Arturo and I are off to the Sales to see if we can buy some tough cannonball-proof outerwear! Then we're off for some fish & chips!

Bye

Cloud Cuckoo Land at No.10

"Did you hear it?" Arturo asked.

"Hear what?" I hadn't a clue what he was on about.

"The cuckoo!" he chuckled. "No neither did I, mi old mate, but I tell you this - we're right in the middle of Cloud Cuckoo Land here in Downing Street!"

Now - let me explain what had made Arturo come to this conclusion. Before the Leader of the Opposition got involved at Prime Minister's Questions, this was heard from Richard Bacon Conservative MP for South Norfolk:

On Monday morning at Norwich research park, I thought I heard the sound of a cuckoo, which was remarkable since we have not even reached Christmas, let alone spring. Does the Prime Minister agree that this may be further evidence of the strength of our long-term economic plan?

The Prime Minister: I was delighted to meet my hon. Friend and other Norwich MPs at Norwich research park

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201415/cmhansrd/cm141203/debtext/141203-0001.htm

I really couldn't believe my ears. Richard Bacon commenting about a cuckoo heralding 'the strength of our long-term economic plan'. He and the Prime Minister clearly live in Cloud Cuckoo Land which the Oxford English Dictionary defines as:

A state of absurdly over-optimistic fantasy

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/cloud-cuckoo-land

Now - if he'd heard a wise old owl - that would have meant something - but a cuckoo!! It shows you the sorry state of affairs of British politics today that they have to resort to cuckoos!

Prime Minister's Questions was the usual knock-about performance one has come to expect. However, what we were all waiting for was the much heralded Autumn Statement from 'Georgy' Osborne. Everyone was in their place - or were they? There was one notable exception - 'Wailing Lad' Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister. And where was he? The BBC reported that:

The deputy prime minister said he chose to "talk to normal people" in Cornwall.

He told LBC he was not "sheepish or ashamed" of what Chancellor George Osborne announced.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-30326161

There you have it! From out of one of the cuckoo's beaks! He went to "talk to normal people". Ipso facto, MPs are not 'normal people'! Well, you said it, Deputy Prime Minister!

Arturo and I have not yet digested the full facts of 'Georgy' Osborne's Autumn Statement - neither of us has an economics degree - but maybe that's no bad thing! However, the Institute for Fiscal Studies, who arguably do understand such things were quoted in The Guardian by Phillip Inman. The headline was:

Osborne’s spending cuts will change state ‘beyond recognition’, says IFS

The article quoted the IFS Director, Paul Johnson:

“... it is surely incumbent upon anyone set on taking the size of the state to its smallest in many generations to tell us what that means. How will these cuts be implemented? What will local government, the defence force, the transport system, look like in this world? Is this a fundamental re-imagining of the role of the state?”

Later the article quoted Johnson:

“We calculate that, just to keep the pace of departmental spending cuts over the next parliament to that which has been achieved over this parliament – that is cutting at just over 2% a year – would require welfare cuts and or tax rises of about £21bn a year by 2019-20.”

Phillip Inman ended the article with a comment from Frances O'Grady, general Secretary of the TUC:

“The chancellor now wants us all to pay the price for his failure by cutting public services down to a stump with the loss of a million jobs.”

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/dec/04/george-osborne-spending-cuts-change-state-beyond-recognition-ifs

So this Cloud Cuckoo Land ain't Utopia! No siree, if Paul Johnson is correct when he says: "... just to keep the pace of departmental spending cuts over the next parliament to that which has been achieved over this parliament – that is cutting at just over 2% a year – would require welfare cuts and or tax rises of about £21bn a year by 2019-20." To me and Arturo this sounds a regular Dystopia! A world in which the poor just get poorer even if the rich get richer!

Arturo was looking thoughtful, then he said: "All this reminds me of the story about the South American Dictator who, when he addressed the downtrodden people, announced:

"When I took over this country - we stood on the edge of a precipice. I can now tell you, we have taken a big step forward!"

Arturo is right! This country is on the edge of a precipice, isn't it? And now .....? We all know what lies at the bottom of a precipice!

Hang on a minute! I thought I saw a bird flying passed the window. Could this be Richard Bacon's fabled cuckoo? No. I think it was a vulture flying over Downing Street!

Before the calamity hits us all, me and Arturo are going out to cheer ourselves up! We're off to have a bit of coq-au-vin with Anatole, Arturo's second cousin!

Bye