Osborne's sleight of hand @ No 10

"Well, well!" Arturo said "'Georgy' Osborne is living up to his usual self, I see!"

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"He speaks before thinking out the real consequences of what he's saying. For instance, think about what he said regarding the reduction in the debt to be paid to the EU." Arturo nodded sagely. "You see, his brain just can't keep pace with his mouth! He tells everyone just what he knows they want to hear - never mind the facts! After all - why let facts get in the way of a good story. That's his motto, isn't it?"

I knew just what Arturo meant. On ITV News, there was a report stating in its headline:

George Osborne: Britain to pay half of disputed £1.7bn EU bill

The report continued:

George Osborne has said that Britain's disputed £1.7bn EU bill has been halved, delayed and will not include interest.

However, British officials told ITV News Europe Editor James Mates that the £850m of the bill not paid up front will be covered by a rebate Britain was due to receive in future.

Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls claimed the Chancellor was "trying to take the British people for fools" with the deal and has in fact not saved the taxpayer "a single penny".

http://www.itv.com/news/story/2014-11-07/george-osborne-britain-to-pay-half-of-disputed-1-7bn-eu-bill/

So - the '£1.7bn EU bill has been halved, delayed and will not include interest'! Amazing! A real sleight of hand! Or was it?

Fraser Nelson in the Spectator blog wrote:

George Osborne will tonight return from Brussels bringing peace with honour. He says he has agreed to hand over just £850 million to the EU, rather than the £1.7 billion it asked for, as a penalty for having the fastest economic growth in Europe. If true*, how did he wangle it?

In the postscript to the blog, Nelson added:

* Unkind souls are suggesting that the £1.7bn bill was a gross figure, presented before the rebate which would have halved it anyway. And that Osborne has simply presented the net figure, without having negotiated a penny reduction.

http://blogs.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/2014/11/did-george-osborne-halve-britains-eu-bill-by-admitting-that-his-growth-is-a-mirage/

Ian Traynor, writing in The Guardian had the headline:

UK to pay £1.7bn EU bill in full despite Osborne’s claim to have halved it : Chancellor says bill was cut to £850m but Treasury aides admit Britain is also returning its automatic rebate, making up the rest

So - here we go again - it's a real 3-card-trick! One minute the UK has to pay £1.7 billion by December - Hey presto! The next minute - the UK will only have to pay £850 million! If it sounds too good to be true when dealing with the EU's canny Commissioners - then it probably is just that - too good to be true!

Traynor's article continued by quoting Mr Osborne :

“Instead of footing the bill, we’ve halved the bill,” he said following a meeting of EU finance ministers in Brussels and talks with the European commission vice-president in charge of budgetary affairs, Kristalina Georgieva.

The chancellor asserted that a bill for £1.7bn was now one for £850m – to be paid by 1 September next year in two instalments, one by the deadline, the other in July.

While insisting that the invoice had been reduced, Treasury aides conceded that Britain will pay the £850m while also returning the rebate cheque to Brussels, meaning that the full £1.7bn will still be paid.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/nov/07/uk-pays-full-eu-rebate-despite-osborne-claim-he-halved-it

What exactly is going on? Well - shall we be fair to 'Georgy'? It does seem there's a right old mess in Brussels! Such a mess that 'Boy David' Cameron went puce in the face and totally lost control of his Eton education English grammar lessons.

Nadeem_Walayat writing in The Market Oracle quoted from the speech given by the puce-faced Mr Cameron when the news of the £1.7 debt to the EU first broke:

"What makes me so angry about it is when you listen to some in the Commission, how they talk about it, oh well its an adjustment you just have to pay this bill that's the way it goes, sometime it goes up sometime it goes down. This is tax payers money, these are the people who employ me, I represent them and I want value for every penny they have to give in their taxes."

"It is not acceptable, it is an appalling way to behave, I am not going to pay that bill on the 1st of December if people think I are then they have another thing coming, its not going to happen".

http://www.marketoracle.co.uk/Article47895.html

Really, Mr Cameron! " ... if people think I are then they have another thing coming .." All I can say is "Grammar! Grammar! Grammar!"

To Osborne and Cameron the Humpty Dumpty saying that

“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/12608-when-i-use-a-word-humpty-dumpty-said-in-rather

seems to be the mantra by which they make their speeches!

To crown it all - another good cat bites the dust in Downing Street. 'Georgy' Osborne previously declared his affection for the 'family cat' Freya. But a man who doesn't know his half from his total cannot really be trusted. Poor old Freya has been supplanted in Osborne's affections by a pedigree pooch! One Lola by name! A creature more akin to a toy sheep than a real dog! But as the song goes

Whatever Lola wants - Lola gets!

and by all accounts she didn't want Freya around.

Lizzie Dearden writing in The Independent had the headline:

George Osborne's family cat Freya sent away from Downing Street to Kent

Dearden continued:

...The Independent's Oliver Wright said that she has also shown remarkable feline cunning sneaking around the halls of power.

“She has been found in the most secure area of the Foreign Office, inside the room in No 10 where the Cabinet meets and trying to seek entry into the Treasury. She was even caught by Mr Osborne inside his red box,” he added.

And like a good agent (or journalist) “she also likes to spend time in the bar,” he said.

“On many an evening she can be found in Westminster’s favoured political watering hole, the Red Lion – despite having to cross four lanes of traffic to get there. Apparently at the end of the evening the barmaids regularly have to carry her back home.”

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/george-osbornes-family-cat-freya-sent-away-from-downing-street-to-kent-9849853.html

The real story is to be found in an article written by Glen Owen in The Mail Online:

The Chancellor's pooch, a moody mouser - and an uneasy coalition that was doomed from the start: George Osborne evicts Freya the cat for 'bullying' his Bichon Frise dog

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2826877/The-chancellor-s-pooch-moody-mouser-uneasy-coalition-doomed-start-George-Osborne-evicts-Freya-cat-bullying-Bichon-Frise-dog.html

It seems that us cats can't trust this slippery character, Osborne! Watch out the rest of the UK!

There are after all, some advantages to being an under-stairs cat in Downing Street. No one owns Arturo! No one owns me! So, if they want to get rid of us - it's a case of 'Catch us, if you can!'

Me and Arturo are off to the Red Lion tonight to sniff out the grub. If it was good enough for old Freya - it'll be good enough for us!

Bye!

Grant Shapps 'the warm up' man @ No.10

"Did you watch old 'Apple Schnapps' Shapps at the Tory Party Conference?" Arturo asked me with a wink.

Of course I had! But I knew that Arturo was about to tell me what he saw and that I could do nothing to stop him.

"It was sheer vaudeville!" He said. "All 'Apple Schnapps' needed was a twirling moustache, a red cloak and a silver-topped cane - and you would have had a version of 'The Good Old Days' with Leonard Sachs as master of ceremonies! It was so undignified! Any moment I expected Cameron, Osborne and Gove to come on doing an Egyptian sand-dance!"

He was right! It was just as Arturo described it! Not a bit like a serious political conference. It was as if there had to be:

A joke a minute and every one a winner!

And this was a political party endeavouring to persuade its audience that they were the people to run the country! Now we know that the fabulous duo George W Bush and Anthony (call me TONY) Blair performed their tap-dancing act to initial applause - But hey! Just look at their ratings now!

Nothing daunted, 'Apple Schnapps' Shapps decided, in his opening speech to the Tory Conference, that Vaudeville was the path to tread, as Conservative Home reported:

I love Birmingham. This city is a marvel: home to the Balti triangle, Britain’s most popular Symphony Orchestra, and more canals than Venice. This is the birth-place of gas lighting; the first English translation of the Bible; and the first UK hydrogen fill-up point for cars.

That is how he began his 'welcome' to the conference speech! But it gets better:

I love our Conference, too. It’s been one of my favourite weeks of the calendar ever since I first joined our Party in 1990. You can’t beat it for seeing friends, debating, and enjoying the odd pint or two.

He went on:

Some say: “Why bother? Why keep trekking back to Conference each year?” Partly, it is the thrill and the therapy and the raw theatre of it. I remember the great white-knuckle speeches of Major, Duncan-Smith and Heseltine, the hilarious quips of Hague, the tub-thumpers from Thatcher, Howard and Widdecombe.

http://www.conservativehome.com/platform/2014/09/grant-shapps-welcome-to-this-years-party-conference.html

I know! It was a 'welcome' speech, an 'ice-breaker' - get 'em cheerful and waiting for the fun to start! But it set the stage for the whole show - er sorry - conference!

The tone was set by 'Apple Schnapps' Shapps. Here's what he had to say about other speakers:

This is going to be an extraordinary week. Later today, we're going to hear from the best Foreign Secretary this country has known for generations. William Hague.

Tomorrow, you're going to be hearing from a man who's turned this economy around. It takes guts to do what he's done. But he's stuck to his plan, we've turned a corner, and he was right all along. Our Chancellor, George Osborne.

And you'll hear from a woman who succeeded where every other Home Secretary has failed, packing Abu Qatada off on a plane to Jordan, for good - Theresa May.

Then on Tuesday you'll hear from the people fixing education, making work pay and intoxicating London - Michael Gove, Iain Duncan Smith and Boris Johnson.

And on Wednesday - you'll hear from someone who's been prepared to take tough decisions, provide the leadership and the vision.

Someone who gets up early each morning determined to turn this country around for hardworking people everywhere. That's right - our Prime Minister, David Cameron.

http://www.conservativepartyconference.org.uk/Speeches/2013_Grant_Shapps.aspx

As Leonard Sachs would have said - 'Give 'em each and everyone a big hand', this conference is

“for your delectation and delight”

Other speeches had the same Variety Hall tone. Here is a bit from the Leader, 'Boy David' Cameron:

I do the best I can. And for me, it comes back to some simple things.

Country first. Do what’s decent. Think long-term.

There’s an old story that’s told about a great hall in Oxford, near my constituency.

For hundreds of years it’s stood there – held up with vast oak beams.

In the 19th century, those beams needed replacing.

And you know what they found?

500 years before, someone had thought… those beams will need replacing one day…

…so they planted some oak trees.

Just think about that.

Centuries had passed… Columbus had reached America… Gravity had been discovered… …and when those oaks were needed, they were ready.

http://www.conservativepartyconference.org.uk/Speeches/2013_David_Cameron.aspx

He told it well! Full throttle! Full vigour! Do you agree?

Here's another well-tried performer: Old 'Bagpuss' Pickles:

... now the (European) Commission wants to go further.

Using Lisbon Treaty powers, it wants councils to stamp the EU flag on birth, marriage and death certificates.

It’s optional say the Commission.

We’ve heard that one before. Just look at the EU flag on your driving licence.

Will branding Britons from cradle to grave with EU flags drive economic growth?

No.

Will fining local community groups help balance the EU budget?

Non.

Will barmy cycle lanes and the EU’s flying circus make us love Brussels more?

Nein.

http://www.conservativepartyconference.org.uk/Speeches/2013_Eric_Pickles.aspx

Now that was a winner - he got the masses joining in with the 'No', 'Non' and the 'Nein'. They loved it! Absolute Pantomime!

I could go on! You get the gist!

As though all this Tory malarkey wasn't enough - now we have an even greater exponent of the art of Vaudeville about to prance across the stage. Can you guess?

In a cloud of cigarette smoke and with a whiff of beer?

Go on ... who is it? ...... yes!

Give him a big hand - I present to you 'For your Delectation and Delight' the one - the only :

Nigel 'You ain't seen nothin' yet' Farage!

As Arturo would say:

Just bring on the dancing girls!

As for me and mi old pal, Arturo, we're having a small plate of nibbles tonight!

Bye

A hornets' nest @ No. 10

A dreadful caterwauling came down the corridor. It emanated from No 11! I knew it must be Arturo but I could not catch the words! Then the blast hit me full force:

A Gordon for me, a Gordon for me

If you're no a Gordon ye're nae use to me

The Black Watch are braw, the Seaforths an a'

But a cocky wee Gordon's the pride of them a'.

"Do you like the refrain?" Arturo asked me. "I thought that 'Boy David' Cameron might like the lilt."

Why on earth, I wondered, would Cameron like that? Before I could ask - as usual, I was told.

"As The Sun could well have headlined it - 'It was Gordon what won it'! And before you flaunt your knowledge of all things - I know the 'Gordon' in the song refers to the Gordon Highlanders - however I am taking poetic licence."

Of course, I'm not daft - despite Arturo's comments to the contrary - so I took myself off to read the actual news reports. He was right! Gordon Brown does seem to be credited with 'saving the Union'. For example The Independent had the headline :

Scottish referendum result: Gordon Brown's place in history rewritten after decisive intervention

The article by Andrew Grice went on:

Gordon Brown has been hailed as the man who saved the Union, after his late intervention in the referendum campaign halted a slide of Labour supporters who had been planning to vote for independence.

The 'man who saved the Union'! I don't think that's what 'Wailing Lad' Clegg and Cameron have been saying about him!

Grice continued:

Mr Brown’s passionate defence of the Union in a speech on Wednesday was widely seen as one the decisive moments of the campaign. ...

Conservative ministers were happy for Mr Brown to seize the reins of the No campaign and set out a timetable for further devolution for Scotland after a No vote. They noted the irony of him propping up his Tory successor David Cameron, who would have been under huge pressure to resign after the break-up of the 307-year-old Union. Mr Brown and Mr Cameron have enjoyed a strained relationship until the past two weeks, when the Prime Minister has apparently been happy to take his calls.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/scottish-independence/scottish-referendum-result-gordon-browns-place-in-history-rewritten-after-decisive-intervention-9744892.html

So - 'the Prime Minister has apparently been happy to take his calls'!! He was, was he? Now there's a surprise! Ever the PR man - our 'Boy David' will talk to anyone whom he thinks might be a possible asset for him! As Groucho Marx once said:

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Not to be out-done by the 'cocky wee Gordon', 'cocky wee' Cameron took to the microphone at dawn on the morning of the announcement that the 'No' vote had won. The BBC reported:

As Scotland votes ''no'' to independence, Prime Minister David Cameron has said it is ''time for our United Kingdom to come together and move forward''.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-29272162

So far so good - who could argue with coming together and moving forward. Then - the PR man got carried away in an endeavour to please the Tory backwoodsmen! Caution and judgement - if he has any - went out the proverbial window! Cameron was quoted as saying

... Lord Smith of Kelvin had agreed to oversee the process of devolving more powers over tax, spending and welfare to Scotland, with draft legislation by the end of January.

Mr Cameron added that the rights of other people in the UK needed to be "respected and enhanced". He said he had long believed that a crucial missing part was England. He said "the millions of voices of England must be heard".

The Leader of the Commons William Hague has been asked to draw up plans for what would be a fundamental change at Westminster - that only English MPs could vote on English matters.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-29271763

Yes! You did read that correctly: 'by January'. According to my reckoning that is just over 4 months! So - get this, guys! 'wee cocky' Cameron who had given himself the headache of meeting the Scots' agenda in 4 months - now added the issue that had been debated and re-debated for almost a century i.e. English democracy. And - he will resolve both issues in 4 months! Below Downing Street, the earth was trembling! It was Gladstone spinning in his grave!

The Guardian had the headline:

Scottish referendum: Funding pledge to Scotland leaves David Cameron with the hangover from hell

Even Lord Barnett has called his formula which allows Scotland 19 per cent higher public expenditure per head than in England a 'terrible mistake'

The article by Anthony Seldon went on:

The pledge now leaves Mr Cameron with the hangover from hell. Many of his MPs have been vocal in their decrying of the pledge, and even Lord Barnett, now 90, has called his formula a “terrible mistake”, intended only as an interim measure in the run-up to planned political devolution in the late Seventies.

To some Conservative backbenchers, Mr Cameron was typically bounced into reactive decisions in promising too much to Scotland – a decision that has been called “reckless” by the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson. They believe that if the Prime Minister had fought a better campaign, he would never have had to make these concessions.

Significant doubts also remain over whether the proposals for further Scottish devolution will ever get through Parliament. Many voices on both Left and Right believe it is an error for such major constitutional change to be introduced with such haste

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/scottish-independence/11110848/Scottish-referendum-Funding-pledge-to-Scotland-leaves-David-Cameron-with-the-hangover-from-hell.html

So there you have it! 'cocky wee' Cameron is up the creek without a paddle. His unrealistic timetable for increased devolution for Scotland was bad enough! The added plum for the backwoodsmen of an offer of reform for England has really set the proverbial cat (Ha! Ha!) among the pigeons! Just read Andy Sully who wrote under the headline on the BBC news blog:

The papers: After the referendum, the political rows

Sully went on:

In the Sunday Mirror, John Prescott argues for a renewal of his regional assembly idea.

... "I believed if we offered more powers and made a more compelling case, people would be convinced about devolution. Scotland has just done that for us.

"It's now time for a devolution revolution. We must seize this chance to give power to ALL the people."

The idea isn't universally popular.

Jonathan Meades in the Independent on Sunday decries "localism" and asks how will a future PM "cope with the pressure of English regions seeking various levels of autonomy? And what powers should they be granted?

"How many extra levels of non-productive, ludicrously overpaid functionaries does a country need?"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-the-papers-29299057

So 'wee cocky' Cameron has stirred up a hornets' nest. We are in for 'interesting times'!

Meanwhile - Arturo and me are off for a bite of haggis!

Anyone for tennis @ No. 10?

"Love: 40 - that's what I reckon the score is - " Arturo chuckled.

Not a sound you wish to hear too often, I assure you! I really didn't know what he was on about. I was sure that he would enlighten me - and I wasn't wrong.

"Haven't you heard, mi old pal? Anyone but any one can bid to play a game of tennis with our dear PR man of a PM - give him a great hand - 'Boy' David Cameron. Always one with an eye to the main chance, he saw a great way of raising money for the poor old Tory Party! Take a look at this, mi old pal."

He pointed at his tablet and I saw the headline:

Cameron rejects calls to pay back £160K tennis match donation

The article on the BBC News web site read as follows:

David Cameron has rejected calls to pay back a £160,000 donation to the Conservatives from the wife of a former member of President Putin's government.

Mr Cameron said he would not accept money from a "Putin crony" but Lubov Chernukhin "certainly wasn't that".

Mrs Chernukhin bid for a tennis match with the PM and London mayor Boris Johnson at a fundraising event.

A 'Putin crony'!! Ah ha! It seems that this bloke Chernukhin is no longer a crony! No siree! Here is the rest of the enthralling story:

A tennis match with the prime minister and Boris Johnson was the star lot at a Tory fundraising ball held in London earlier this month, which reportedly raised £500,000 for the party's general election war chest.

A Tory spokesman said the gift from Mrs Chernukhin, a longstanding Conservative donor, would not be paid back because it was within the rules and would be declared to the Electoral Commission.

Her husband Vladimir, who was a Russian finance minister, was sacked in 2004 and had fallen out with President Putin and did not have links with the Putin regime, added the spokesman, and the couple were now both British citizens.

So that's all right then! We can all breathe a great big sigh of relief. We (Cameron and the Tory Party) have not breached any EU plans to get tougher on 'Putin'. I am just waiting for the French to yell 'Perfidious Albion', as they are wont! But hang on!!! See what the BBC reported:

Mr Cameron has criticised France for going through with a deal to sell warships to the country despite Moscow's backing for separatists in Ukraine.

But France's Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius hit back on Monday, suggesting Britain should look at the number of Russian oligarchs in London before criticising his country.

I just knew the Froggies would have their say. Who could blame them?

In the article, the BBC also commented:

A number of wealthy, UK-based Russians have donated money to the Conservative Party in recent years.

At the same fundraising dinner, Ukrainian-born energy magnate Alexander Temerko, a political opponent of Putin who successfully fought extradition proceedings to remain in Britain, is reported to have paid £90,000 for a bronze bust of Mr Cameron, which he donated to the Carlton Club.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-28443588

A bronze bust of Cameron!! Perish the thought! Seeing him in the flesh is bad enough but fleeting! A bronze bust would be a permanent feature! It's enough to put a cat off his fish! We'll have to find out what the moggies at the Carlton Club think of it!

It wasn't only the BBC who ran the story. Jason Groves in The Mail wrote:

According to Electoral Commission records Mrs Chernukhin was once declared an ‘impermissible’ donor when she tried to give the Tories £10,000 in April 2012.

This means that at the time she did not meet the criteria required to make a donation to a British political party.

However since then Mrs Chernukhin, who is understood to be a Conservative Party member, has since made three donations worth a total of £5,500, which have all been accepted.

An ‘impermissible’ donor that must have broken the heart of many a Tory Major, living in the shires. What a waste of good brass! Never mind, she made up for it later!

The article concluded:

... a leaked list from last year’s Tory summer ball revealed it was attended by a number of wealthy Russians.

These included Vasily Shestakov, an MP in Russia’s parliament who is an old friend of President Putin and his long-term judo partner. He co-wrote several books on the sport with the Russian President including Learn Judo With Vladimir Putin.

Also present were billionaire banker Andrei Borodin and his model wife Tatanya Korsakova, owners of Britain’s most expensive home, the £140 million Park Place, near Henley-on-Thames.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2701234/Tories-pressure-160-000-Putin-minister-s-wife-play-tennis-Boris-Dave-amid-sanctions-call.html

Arturo and I can't play tennis! We don't even like watching it on the TV - it makes us dizzy. We wouldn't pay to watch Cameron and 'Mop Head' Johnson wack a ball across a net - let alone play with them!

However - we do both fancy a taste of caviar. So - next time a former 'crony' of Mr Putin's comes waltzing through the front door, we'll see if we can impress them enough to hitch a lift in their limousine. Maybe it'll take us to Henley on Thames or Chipping Norton or anywhere really! A taste of caviar would go down just fine, whatever the venue!

Bye

Lies,damned lies & statistics @ No. 10

It's nearly the end of this political session! 'Boy David' Cameron is desperate to 'hang on in' before his next chillax. Yes indeed, the boy wants to chill out and relax! Maybe, just maybe during such a chillax time, he'll learn a bit more about statistics. After all, statistics should be the bread and butter of all PR men, aren't they?

Arturo was pacing the corridor outside the Cabinet Office and muttering:

It's all lies, damned lies - that's what it is! Yet they claim it's statistics!"

He grabbed hold of me and told me to read up on the PMQ fracas of 2 July. So, naturally I did just that. What did I discover - well here's some of it!:

Question: Has the number of people waiting more than the guaranteed four hours in A and E got better or worse?

PM's reply: "We have met our waiting time target for accident and emergency. ...it is 30 minutes."

He added: "There are 7,000 more doctors, 4,000 more nurses, over 1,000 more midwives, and we are treating over 1 million more patients a year..."

Question: ... before the NHS reorganisation, the number of people waiting more than four hours (in A & E) was 353,000. After his reorganisation, that has risen to 939,000, an increase of 300%. Is that better or worse?

PM's reply: "The average waiting time is down by more than half. ..."

It went on and on - and I have only briefly summarised the PMQs of 2 July! If you have the time and patience to read the full exchange, go to:

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201415/cmhansrd/cm140702/debtext/140702-0001.htm#14070259000006

As you can imagine, the whole fray received comments aplenty. Michael Deacon, Parliamentary Sketchwriter in the Telegraph wrote:

Spirited though Mr Cameron’s defence may be of his NHS record, some of his boasting was dubious. Under this Government, he crowed, “There are 7,000 more doctors!” Yet to train as a GP takes 10 years. Unless Mr Cameron and his current Cabinet spent the period 2000-04 going round secondary schools and urging pupils to study medicine, it seems rather a stretch for him to claim credit for it.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/pmqs/10941213/PMQs-sketch-Dave-and-Ed-play-the-numbers-game.html

The following day, again in the Telegraph, Matthew Holehouse, Political Correspondent wrote:

David Cameron's A&E waiting time claim questioned: House of Commons library says PM's claim waiting times have fallen is "simplistic" and contradicted by better data sets

'Simplistic' and contradicted by better data sets! Now that's telling him! Was 'Boy David' Cameron best pleased - I should cocoa!! Holehouse's article went on to consider the issue further:

David Cameron's claim that A&E waiting times are getting shorter have been questioned by the House of Commons Library.

The Prime Minister’s claim that the average waiting time in NHS hospitals has fallen from 77 minutes under Labour to 30 under the Coalition is based on a “simplistic reading” of statistics.

The measure Mr Cameron used “is not the most natural indicator of ‘average waiting time’ in A&E”, the analysis found.

The intervention is significant to the Prime Minister because the House of Commons Library, which compiles research for MPs, is widely regarded by both parties as authoritative and non-partisan. It rarely makes comment on the merit of MPs’ claims in the chamber.

Now there's a fine kettle of fish! And it's stinking fish too (yum! yum!). If the Commons Library can smell it - there's trouble for our 'Boy'.

Holehouse continued his comments on the PM's responses to the questions at PMQs:

Mr Cameron responded: “Let me tell the right hon. Gentleman exactly how long people are waiting. When the shadow Secretary of State was Secretary of State for Health, the average waiting time was 77 minutes; under this Government, it is 30 minutes.”

However, rather than looking at average waits for treatment - which has been "static save for seasonal variation" since the change in government - or total time spent in A&E - which has been "steadily rising" - Mr Cameron's figure related to the average time after arrival in casualty before patients are first assessed, the analysis said.

Rather than highlighting the "median" average, which "has remained more or less unchanged at around 10 minutes" since 2008, Mr Cameron pointed to the "mean" average, which showed a dramatic fall from more than 70 minutes to around 30 after April 2011, which was the date when time to initial assessment in A&E was designated as a "care quality indicator" and became subject to mandatory reporting.

The House of Commons Library said that evidence suggested that "the mean value here is not a good indicator of time to initial assessment in A&E, so we should rely on the median value to tell us what the typical time to initial assessment in A&E is... which does not show the trend that the PM refers to."

And it added: "It's plausible that the fall in the mean in April 2011 reflects an improvement in data collection, quality and reporting, rather than any genuine change in waiting times."

The analysis concluded: "The data does not show that the average time in A&E has fallen since 2008. Rather, the typical total time in A&E has risen (for admitted patients, at least), and the typical time to treatment has remained static.

... The analysis concluded: "The data does not show that the average time in A&E has fallen since 2008. Rather, the typical total time in A&E has risen (for admitted patients, at least), and the typical time to treatment has remained static.

Now - I don't know my averages from my medians from my mean values!! But then I'm only an under-stairs cat - I ain't the Big Cheese the PM. He ought to know - or if he doesn't he ought to find someone who does know! Instead - he found a guy who was as great at PR as he is. This guy said, according to Holehouse:

A Downing Street spokesman said: “What the Prime Minister said was 100 per cent accurate. The average wait for an initial assessment is only 30 minutes under this Government – down from 77 minutes in 2010.”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/nhs/10944598/David-Camerons-AandE-waiting-time-claim-questioned.html

Arturo watched me closely, as I read the various sources. Then, before I could so much as say a word, he said somewhat wistfully:

Politics is merely a socially acceptable form of vandalism. Instead of killing each other, politicians beat each other about the head with dubious statistics. I suppose it's better than blood dripping on the floor!

We've developed quite an appetite thinking about statistics! So, we're off to a fancy brasserie for a nibble or two - or three or four - or maybe that's six!Or should we go for a median value of seven? What do you think, Mr Cameron?

Bye

Up the pole - or do I mean poll @ No. 10

This week, Arturo and I were nearly mincemeat! If it hadn't been for Arturo's ever alert whiskers, the AA rescue vehicle would have squashed us. We were having a quiet siesta under 'Boy David' Cameron's Jaguar - the engine was nicely warm, you understand. However, it seems it was not in any state to see Mr Cameron on the road. As Tim Walker reported in The Telegraph:

Rather like Basil’s car in Fawlty Towers, David Cameron’s official Jaguar would appear to have a nasty habit of packing up just when its owner is under maximum pressure.

My man in No 10 assures me, however, that the PM resisted the temptation to “punish” the vehicle by bashing it about its bonnet – Basil Fawlty-style – with a branch.

“We had to have an AA pick-up truck come to Downing Street and tow it away,” he says. “It is the sort of thing that makes for an awful picture opportunity, but, so far as I know, we got away with it.”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/david-cameron/10936075/David-Cameron-suffers-a-breakdown.html

Our 'Boy David' Cameron, the beloved Prime Minister, has indeed been suffering a number of breakdowns in the last few weeks - and not of the merely mechanical kind! His problem seems to be more fundamental. It is one of flawed judgement. In most people, flawed judgement has an impact on themselves and their families - possibly their work. However, flawed judgement in a Prime Minister has an impact on the entire country. "Where was his judgement flawed?" Do I hear you ask? Let me explain.

Cameron is a poor judge of other people. Maybe this is inherent in having been to Eton College. Most old Etonians appear to be so totally self-confident that they assume anyone coming into their environs will abase themselves at their feet and wish to serve. Not a sensible attitude since the days of forelock-tugging are long gone. In fact, most people are now so self-obsessed, since Thatcher held sway, that the general mantra is 'me first!'.

'Boy David' Cameron assumed that when Andy Coulson was put forward as an ideal communications expert, everything was hunky-dory. It wasn't! As Nick Davies recently wrote in The Guardian:

When Coulson was hired as the Tory leader’s media adviser, in late May 2007, he gave assurances to Cameron and to George Osborne that there was nothing more that they needed to know about the scandal, which had ended with the jailing four months earlier of Clive Goodman as a “rogue reporter” who had hacked royal phones without the knowledge of anybody else at the News of the World.

Detailed evidence that directly challenged that claim was already in police hands at that time. A clear hint was available on the public record in comments made by the judge who had sentenced Goodman. But, according to senior Tory officials, Cameron made no attempt to seek a police briefing or to check the court record, even when he became prime minister and took Coulson into Downing Street. Cameron has been accused of employing Coulson in spite of his past in order to build a bridge to Rupert Murdoch.

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/jun/24/-sp-andy-coulson-verdict-questions-remain-for-david-cameron-and-others

As the recent trial verdict has shown, more questions should have been asked. It might have saved Cameron the need to apologise so publicly for his mistakes! However, things could only get worse, as a result of his past errors of judgement.

When Cameron became leader of the Tory Party one of his first moves was to lead to the problems he is now having with the EU. Ian Traynor wrote in the Guardian in 2009:

David Cameron is coming under fierce criticism from centre-right allies in Europe for his decision to ditch mainstream ­conservatism in the EU in order to lead a new movement of Eurosceptics.

In advance of next month's European elections, the Tory leader came under fire from senior figures over his move to end 17 years of alliance with the European ­People's party (EPP), which groups the centre-right in the parliament, and to establish a caucus of "European Conservatives". In separate developments:

• Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany appeared to threaten to withhold cooperation from the Conservatives.

• Cameron's close ally, Fredrik Reinfeldt, the Swedish prime minister, warned the Tory leader that he faced isolation. ­Reinfeldt called on Cameron to reverse his decision to quit the EPP.

• A senior Czech politician added that his liberal rightwing ODS party, a key ­Cameron partner, was having second thoughts about joining the Tories in the new caucus being plotted.

• Hans-Gert Poettering, the German Christian Democrat who presides over the European parliament, angrily described Cameron as untrustworthy.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2009/may/11/conservative-eu-david-cameron

It seems even the odds (ODS) were against it! But the chickens have just come home to not only roost but roast! It is Cameron who was roasted by the other members of the EU. In fact he was roasted to a frazzle! Again it was a case of poor judgement.

Cameron led his Tory Party into the EU to form the ECR (European Conservatives & Reformists). They had already been dubbed an "extreme right wing organisation". Recently, the ECR admitted the very right-wing Danish People's Party and The Finns Party into their ranks! This did not go down well with other less 'rightist' parties in the EU. Despite this, Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, was still sympathetic to many of Cameron's aspirations.

Then - blow me down! Call me a Charlie! Our insightful 'Boy David' Cameron blew a great big raspberry right up her nose! His group - the ECR - only went and admitted the German Alternative für Deutschland Party into the group! Poor old Merkel must have been gob-smacked! She must have been infuriated. The German Alternative für Deutschland Party are her opponents. Any sympathy for Cameron's aims was gone - members of her own party could not tolerate Cameron's actions.

For more information on these complex issues take a look at:http://www.bbc.co.uk/democracylive/house-of-lords-28037012

Cameron was doomed - but had neither the wit nor the wisdom to read the entrails! So when he needed allies to help him snooker a certain Mr Juncker's election as European Commission President, what do you think happened? You're right, they vanished! Only Hungary voted the way Cameron wanted. What a mess! What an embarrassment! Cameron and the whole UK looked a right load of Charlies!

So was our boy 'up the pole'? Well, this is the surprising thing! It seems that there are many who have as flawed a power of judgement as the PM. This was shown by Peter Dominiczak, Assistant Political Editor of The Telegraph who wrote the headline:David Cameron boosted in the polls by 'Juncker Effect': The Conservatives get a poll boost in the wake of David Cameron's failed bid to block Jean-Claude Juncker becoming president of the European Commission

He went on to say:

The Conservative Party has enjoyed a poll bounce in the wake of David Cameron’s failed attempt to prevent Jean-Claude Juncker becoming president of the European Commission.

The so-called “Juncker Effect” has seen the Tories overtake Labour in a poll conducted by Lord Ashcroft, the former Conservative party deputy chairman.

... Stephen O'Brien, the MP for Eddisbury, made reference to the German aircraft manufacturer Junkers as he made a joke about World War 2.

He said that he hoped “the Prime Minister takes inspiration from the fact that in a previous battle of Britain, we saw off many Junkers before”.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/david-cameron/10936707/David-Cameron-boosted-in-the-polls-by-Juncker-Effect.html

"Ah, mi old pal," Arturo said shaking his head, "there's nowt so queer as folk!"

He's right, of course! It seems many others have as flawed a power of judgement! Maybe it's something to do with hope springing eternally that, in the end, we're bound to win. Even after England having crashed out of the World Cup - after all - there's still Andy Murray!

Me and Arturo, having survived the encounter with the AA vehicle need our nerves calmed, before the removal van arrives - we're going to the Savoy kitchen tonight for a nibble or two.

Bye

Zombies rule NOT okay at No. 10

"Did you hear John Humphreys on the Today programme, the other morning?" Arturo asked, with a glint in his eye. Before I could say 'Yea' or 'Nay', he said: "In talking to a Government Minister, he referred to 'Zombie government'. I think I'd also seen news of these 'zombies' in the papers too."

I didn't wait to hear the rest. I looked up 'zombie government' on one of the young intern's tablets. Lo and behold! There it was in the Daily Mail:

Coalition branded 'zombie government' as it prepares to give MPs 19 days off because they have run out of laws to debate

The article was by By Matt Chorley, Mailonline Political Editor. He wrote:

The Coalition has been branded a ‘zombie government’ after it emerged MPs will take a 19-day break because there are not enough new laws to debate.

The Commons is set to break up early for the Queen’s Speech because there are not enough issues to debate.

Can you believe it - run out of things to debate? Don't the Coalition know there are problems 'aplenty that need sorting out! Matt Chorley continued:

Ministers have been stung by the idea they have run out of policies to debate, with Commons Leader Andrew Lansley branding the idea a ‘fantasy’.

The House of Commons was due to sit until May 22, the day of the European and local elections.

But MPs are likely to be given an extra week off, because there is no more legislation to debate ahead of the prorogation for the Queen’s Speech.

When 'Sly' Lansley calls things a 'fantasy', you know that what you're talking about has hit the nail on the head - more about the NHS later on!

How, I ask you, can any present day politician be so witless as to ignore the fact that there are many vital issues that need to be debated. Just think about it - there are problems with the funding of schools and 'free' school meals. There are issues over foreign policy. There are food banks opening throughout the country. Local Authorities are running out of money. The NHS is in a state of collapse. There is a suggestion that 'child protection services' might even be privatised! And now this zombie government has left the debating chamber.

Yet Matt Chorley reports that:

Embarrassingly MPs have only been back in Westminster for eight days since they returned from a 17-day Easter recess.

They also had nine days off in mid-February for a half term break, which came only four and a half weeks after their Christmas break which last from December 19 to January 6.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2625533/Coalition-branded-zombie-government-prepares-MPs-19-days-run-laws-debate.html

In the midst of this unfortunate state of affairs, an article in the Guardian written by Sarah Boseley and Rowena Mason reports in the headline that

Jeremy Hunt has sent homeopathy studies to chief medical officer: Letter to Tory MP reveals health secretary asked Sally Davies to initiate reviews of already dismissed studies by French firm

The article drew attention to the fact that:

Dame Sally Davies, the CMO, has categorically dismissed homeopathy as a waste of time and money. "I am perpetually surprised that homeopathy is available on the NHS," she told the Commons science and technology committee in January 2013.

Boseley and Mason continued, quoting an MP:

... patients and medics would be dismayed but not surprised to learn that Hunt had "wasted time and money" on investigating studies into homeopathy.

He added: "The government's own NHS Choices website states that the evidence for homeopathy is 'scientifically implausible' but this doesn't appear to be enough for the error-prone health secretary. As his policies continue to damage the NHS, I hope he hasn't ordered an investigation into the use of leeches."

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/may/08/jeremy-hunt-homeopathy-studies-chief-medical-officer

No wonder he has that persistent inane expression of surprise. Arturo thinks it's surprise at being a Secretary of State. And all this shenanigans is going on when - the NHS is cutting back on front line staff and denying essential drugs to some patients because of cost. Yet at such a time, 'Gormless' Hunt is asking for a review of 'homeopathy'! Some Secretary of State for Health! Some nut!!!

"What's wrong with this Hunt geezer?" Arturo asked in despair. "He reckons that because he heads up the Department of Health, he actually knows something about health! This is like certain estate agents who think they really own the houses they're trying to sell you! In a time and place where money flows freely, maybe one could indulge the Secretary of State's little foibles - but 'Hey, Jeremy, haven't you heard - we ain't got no money!'"

And - one more thing, why spend precious time and NHS resources on finding out about homeopathy when in March this year, Professor Sue Bailey President of the Royal College of Psychiatrists and several other leading mental health experts wrote a letter to the Guardian under the heading:

Risks of deep cuts in mental health funds

They wrote:

The recent decision by NHS England and the health regulator Monitor to recommend cutting funding for mental health services by 20% more than that for acute hospitals completely contravenes the government's promise to put mental and physical healthcare on an equal footing and will put lives at risk

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/mar/12/risks-deep-cuts-mental-health

These dire predictions were borne out in an article by Charlie Cooper writing in The Independent under the headline:

Mental-health patients driven hundreds of miles for treatment

The article continued:

Nurses say that it has become common for there to be no beds available for mental health patients in all of Norfolk and Suffolk, leading to severely ill patients being driven hundreds of miles to hospitals as far as Manchester.

They point out that:

Experts say the situation is symptomatic of a national problem... Earlier this year, NHS England reduced the tariff for mental health services by 1.8 per cent, compared with 1.5 per cent for physical health.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/mentalhealth-patients-driven-hundreds-of-miles-for-treatment-9349907.html

And to crown it all for the NHS - Polly Toynbee wrote an article in The Guardian under the headline:

The NHS is on the brink: can it survive till May 2015? : Jeremy Hunt's main task is to keep the health service out of the news until the election. Tories are praying he succeeds

Toynbee wrote:

All NHS organisations are sending up distress flares. The King's Fund calls next year's budget "completely unrealistic"; the Nuffield Trust talks of "flawed logic" and "wishful thinking". Hospitals undergoing increasingly savage Care Quality Commission inspections (as the CQC covers its own back) refuse to take the blame for deficits. Waiting lists are swollen to almost three million, waiting times are lengthening, and A&E targets are starting to be missed: the mildest winter on record still saw 3% more emergency admissions. So far deft NHS management has contained an explosion. Can it hold to next May?

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/may/09/nhs-on-brink-survive-may-2015-tories-praying

I thought our PR man of a PM, 'Boy David' Cameron, had said that spending on the NHS would be 'ring-fenced'. An article, written by George Eaton, in the New Statesman stated the following:

In a speech at the Royal College of Pathologists on 2 November 2009, Cameron said: "With the Conservatives there will be no more of the tiresome, meddlesome, top-down re-structures that have dominated the last decade of the NHS."

http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/2013/11/pre-election-pledges-tories-are-trying-wipe-internet

Subsequently, Cameron went on to make this an election pledge!!

"So - what's the definition of 'zombie'?" I asked Arturo - knowing he would know!

"A zombie is, according to the Oxford Dictionary

A corpse said to be revived by witchcraft ... A person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings."

"Ah!" I replied - "so they must have known 'Gormless' Hunt too!"

We're off to a new little Deli round the corner.

Bye from us both