Anyone for Prime Minister? @ No 10

"Well, did you hear that?" Arturo asked me.

He was quite excited by the BBC Radio 4 Today programme interview with 'Ridiculous Nicholas' Clegg who was sounding really quite chirpy! But then, Clegg always manages to put on a good show. And, let's be frank, 'putting on a show' is just about all he is good at! Whoever trained him to be a PR man did a fair old job of it. Clegg is able to say 'Yes' when he means 'No' and 'No' when he should say 'Yes'. He manages to do it sounding as if he genuinely believes what he is saying. Indeed, sometimes he seems to have convinced himself that left really is right! It is one of the causes of the mess in which the Liberal Democrat Party now finds itself: the making of unrealistic promises that stand no chance of materialising. In fact, if those promises did materialise, they would cause even more havoc for those concerned.

This gift of Clegg's being able to say one thing, when he really means quite another has extended across his political thinking. He is capable of saying he believes in 'Silly Ass' Lansley's Health and Social Care Act. Yet, most thinking LibDem members are against it. How on earth can he justify that position?

He seems to think the so-called 'reforms' in Welfare will help the country. I've got news for you, Nick, they may help the Treasury but they sure as heck won't help the poor! So what goes on inside the head of 'Ridiculous Nicholas' Clegg, self-styled guru of the 'Universe and Everything'?

One thing is certain - it's that he really admires himself. He still cannot quite believe he is 'DEPUTY' Prime Minister! He must congratulate himself on that achievement every morning when he gazes at himself in his shaving mirror.

Yesterday morning though, on the Today programme on BBC Radio 4, he let slip his one of his ultimate ambitions:

I'd love to be Prime Minister!

So there we have it, 'Boy David' Cameron, your Deputy has set his sights on being Prime Minister! We already know that 'Georgy' Osborne rather fancies your job, as well. No wonder that your anxiety-ridden performance at Prime Ministers' Questions in the House is such a ranting affair? You never answer the questions! You are bright orange in the face! You act like the school-bully to even your own party members! You are a man under siege from all sides.

Both Arturo and I would say certain things to 'Boy David':

Don't worry about 'Ridiculous Nicholas' Clegg - he won't survive the next election.
As for your staunch Chancellor, he's made such a mess of the last Budget - he's unlikely to survive at No 11 much longer either.
You need have no fear of 'Leopard-skin-toes' Teresa May vying for your job - she'll have enough difficulty hanging on to the doorknob of the Home Office, the rate she's going.
'Weasel Man' Maude is slinking close to the ground, to avoid being seen. He made such a fiasco, even for him, of the 'petrol in gerry-cans item' that he's lost all credibility.
'Old Smoothie' Ken Clarke is so laid back that he wouldn't muster the energy to challenge you.

We could go on and on. But - as for you, Prime Minister - what about you? Your backbenchers eye you with ever-increasing loathing and disdain - we don't give much for your chances either. Better enjoy the honeymoon - the marriage is likely to be very brief.

Arturo and I are off for a 'kitchen dinner' with old Larry from upstairs!

'Bye'