No more tan, please, we're British @ No 10

Boy David arrived home yesterday looking pale and wan. To be fair, he'd had a long flight from Nigeria, so it was to be expected. However, it's amazing what a good night's sleep can do for you! This morning, looking tense, not chirpy; looking irritated not happy - he was, however, covered from neck to brow in a pale orange glow! It was a glow that lasted through the gruelling time in the Commons; a glow that lasted during lunch; a glow that was still there this evening. Now - whether this glow has been induced by a sun-lamp or fake spray tan - I cannot say! But, I observed his hands are just as pale as Georgy Osborne's from No 11.

The glow seems very popular amongst the male of the species who are on show - either on TV or somewhere else in the public eye. Indeed, one TV antiques expert is almost the colour of an over-ripe orange! Arturo and I trust that Boy David will have the sense to stop before he becomes the tone of a Mandarin (fruit that is - not Chinese aristocrat!).

Boy David did, of course, need all the morale boosting effects that he could muster. So many questions were being fired at him! He could not appear too pale and frail, could he now?

So - into the fray went our dogged tanned hero. However, he was faced by pale Miliband - Ed, that is, not David - who was primed and ready in the red corner. And he came out fighting. Boy David in the rather insipid blue corner ducked and dodged but several verbose punches landed on him. The knockout came from his very own left fist! Boy David declared to the question about his meetings with anyone from News International and possible discussions about BSkyB:

I have never had one inappropriate conversation.

Now, I ask you - was that a sensible thing to say? For one man's 'inappropriate' is another man's faux-pas/indiscretion/Machiavellian conspiracy/disaster! And from the reaction of the Commons, one could tell his choice of words had also been singly 'inappropriate'.

Put it down to jet-lag. That's what Arturo said rather benevolently! I was not so sure myself. Some newspapers are still full of questions that they want Boy David to answer. Why did he appoint Coulson? Who advised him? (Well we know the answer to that, don't we, my friends?) Did he know that Wallis was also working for the Tory Party? If he didn't know, why didn't he know? And so the questions go on and on and on ... you get the gist, I trust.

It was once said by an ancient philosopher that 'a fool can ask more questions in a day than a wise man can answer in a lifetime?' But maybe it is a foolish man who fails to answer once with 'transparency' when wise men keep asking! Wow! An aphorism, a veritable aphorism - maybe some of the tan from the Mandarin has rubbed off onto my fur!

The story has not ended. Parliament may now be in recess but the questions will go on being asked. Arturo and I will still be keeping our eyes and ears wide open and will report to you.

So it's 'bye' for now from Arturo:

And it's 'bye' for now from me:

Georgy horrified @ No 11

This is a note from me - Arturo - while Butch is off rat hunting!

I've just heard Georgy is really annoyed. He's kept well away from all these scandals! He really does not like to be in the limelight, you see. He's more of a man who works from the shadows. So the news that Ms Brooks told the Committee that it was 'George Osborne' and not anyone from News International who recommended Andy Coulson to work at No 10 is not what he wanted to hear!

So - I wonder where he will be in the Commons tomorrow. Perhaps, he'll sit up straight - for once - and try to look as if he really is interested in what's going on!

We'll let you know.

Bye from Arturo

More than custard pies @ No 10

Arturo was fidgeting throughout the Select Committee sessions today. He kept whispering in my ear:
"I say, I say .. when is a Prime Minister NOT a Prime Minister?"

To humour him, I gave the usual, expected response: "I don't know. When is a Prime Minister NOT a Prime Minister?"

"When it's David Cameron!" At that, Arturo nearly choked himself laughing!

Actually though, the joke was not that far from the attitude of several of the people around us. They nearly jumped out of their seats, when it was discovered that the one called 'The Wolfman', namely one Neil Wallis, had been advising Andy Coulson about Conservative policy just before the General Election! This neil Wallis's name came up time and again in the morning session with Sir Paul Stephenson and Yates of the Yard.

The Tories were quick to respond - well they would be, wouldn't they? Someone said, on the Tories' behalf:

It has been drawn to our attention that [Wallis] may have provided Andy Coulson with some informal advice on a voluntary basis before the election. We are currently finding out the exact nature of any advice.

We can confirm that apart from Andy Coulson, neither David Cameron nor any senior member of the campaign team were aware of this until this week.

So - this phone hacking scandal is sending out ripples throughout the country! First News of the World, then News International, then the Metropolitan police, then ... reaching Downing Street! Where will it end?

Anyway - more to the point - the first Select Committee session with the senior police officers revealed little that we had not already heard before - except from John Yates. He revealed that he had asked a 'senior official' at No 10 whether he should inform David Cameron (our Boy David) about the phone hacking stories that were breaking. This was in September 2010. The answer was:

On the other matters that have caught your attention this week, assuming we are thinking of the same thing, I am sure you will understand that we will want to be able to be entirely clear, for your sake and ours, that we have not been in contact with you about this subject.

So I don't think it would really be appropriate for the PM, or anyone else at No 10, to discuss this issue with you, and would be grateful if it were not raised please.

So - that's telling him! No wonder Yates of the Yard is rather fed-up (to put it politely) by the fact he has now had to resign!

Then - we had the afternoon sessions with Rupert and James Murdoch followed by the Red-Haired Vamp, Rebekah Brooks, - who looked less like a vamp and more like a lost child - great acting that!

As for the Murdochs - they saw nothing and heard nothing and could therefore say nothing except, that is, 'sorry'. Rupert had the most 'humble' day of his life. James apologised so many times, Arturo and I lost count.

Apart from Tom Watson - the MPs made little impact. Maybe, they were taken in by the apparent frailty of Rupert and the apparent spirited defence by James. I say 'apparent' because Arturo reckoned that he saw a regular gleam in Rupert's eye - when he thought no one was observing him. And, remember James had been coached for days by top PR men and lawyers!

Then! The entrance of the Fool - to throw a shaving foam pie at Rupert Murdoch only to be flattened by the terrific punch from the arm of Wendy Murdoch! Drame became farce became burlesque! Instead of heightening the situation - the tension of the questioning was removed! Everyone gasped in sympathy for Rupert Murdoch and his heroic wife!

The resumed session lost the plot - quite literally. It was a gift for the Murdochs and even for Rebekah Brooks! The British love nothing better than an underdog and by this stupid thoughtless attack - at one stroke - the Murdochs had become victims.

Arturo and I trudged back down Whitehall. We'd had one day of excitement - another one to come tomorrow - when our Boy David faces the Commons. What did he know? When did he know it? Who did he know? And when did he know them?

Arturo slunk back to No 11 for his dinner. Me - I'm going rat hunting tonight!

Bye

Will someone fly to the rescue @ No 10?

Boy David flew off to Africa! He hoped that while he was on the magic carpet some genie would be conjured up and relieve him of all his little local difficulties. Instead of a genie, however, he got Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson. This angel of doom, by implication, stated that Boy David's employing of slinky old Andy Coulson in Downing Street was a far more reprehensible deed than the employing of Coulson's Deputy, Neil Wallis, by the Met. Yet, Sir Peter Stephenson has resigned!

Oh Boy! Our Prime Minister must have been flabbergasted! Who was this upstart policeman to say such a thing? Boy David went on to say:

I would argue in terms of Andy Coulson: no one has argued that the work he did in government in anyway was inappropriate or bad. He worked well in government, he then left government.

There is a contrast, I would say, with the situation at the Metropolitan police where clearly issues have been around whether or not the investigation has been pursued properly. That is why Sir Paul reached a different conclusion. So I don't think the situations are the same in any shape or form.

You can tell, can't you that our Boy is seriously riled! He continued:

As I said to [Sir Paul] on many occasions, including on Tuesday night, the Metropolitan police service inquiry must go wherever the evidence leads. They should investigate without fear or favour.

But I would say that the situation in the Metropolitan police service is really quite different to the situation in government, not least because the issues that the Metropolitan police service are looking at have a direct bearing on public confidence into the police inquiry into the News of the World and indeed into the police itself.

Today, in Parliament - that gem of a girl - dressed in sea blue, Yvette Cooper, pointed out that there was now a lack of public confidence in the Prime Minister himself, wasn't there?
In other words 'what's sauce for the goose - is sauce for the gander!' Stephen son being the said 'goose' and Boy David the 'gander'. But she did not put it as crudely as I have just done.

So - the last week of the Commons until the Autumn! Whew! And Whew, again! The timing may well let Boy David off the hook! But then again ...

Tomorrow the three foolish monkeys are appearing in the House of Commons: Murdoch Senior, Murdoch Junior and the Red-Haired Vamp herself, Mrs Rebekah Brooks! They could ... spill the beans/ dish the dirt/ wash the dirty linen ... Or, they could say nothing at all!
I have booked my seat, along with Arturo. We've collected some sardine scraps and sour cream! Yum! Yum! It should be a feast for the eyes and ears and, in our case, a feast for the belly too!

Take your seats, I urge you as one Holywood legend once said: 'Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride'. I just hope Boy David doesn't get motion sickness!

Bye.

Oh Dear, What can the matter be ... @ No 10?

Things should be getting better and better for all @ No 10 ... but they aren't! In fact, things are, if anything, getting worse. Usually reliable Tory Party newspapers are declaring that 'Cameron' was foolish, to say the least, for being so very, very pally with the Red-Haired Vamp - namely Rebekah, and the sheepish looking one, namely Coulson.

After all - he was warned! But as I said, last week, 'You can always tell an Old Etonian - the trouble is you can't tell him anything!' So it seems was the case with Boy David. He was warned but says that he wasn't. Since so many people claim to have warned him - there is obviously something seriously wrong with his memory!

He declares that Andy Coulson and Rebekah Brooks are friends of his. All well and good - everyone needs friends, don't they? But what is important is to distinguish between real friends who have your best interests at heart and false friends who are just smiling at you in order to entrap you.

Sadly, Boy David seems totally to be lacking in good judgement! Not only does he have unfortunate 'friends', he spurns those who try to keep him on the straight and narrow! A highly dangerous propensity for a Prime Minister to possess! After all - we had nearly ten years of Blair who suffered from the same problem! And look at the results!

Maybe, it's time for the Tory Party to grit its teeth and gird its loins - so to speak - and find another leader. But where on earth would they find one? Scour the landscape, as you will, they are all tainted by the stench issuing from the NI vats and there are other media vats still waiting to be uncovered. Is there anyone remaining who has integrity? It looks unlikely.

Sadly, Labour would seem to be no better! And as for the LibDems, they are still in a state of shock to actually be in a 'sort of' Government position!

The United Kingdom is in a real mess! Corruption in high places, everywhere one looks! No one to provide clear leadership! Public services being destroyed! Taxes at a ridiculously low level for the super rich - one wonders why?

I'm just glad I'm a cat and still have the Blue Cross to care for me - when I'm too old to catch rats!

What a difference a day makes ...@ No 10

Boy David, pale and wan, listless and dispirited, a very picture of exhaustion and lack of energy. How very different from the bronzed, alert, vigorous chap who only a couple of weeks ago was bestriding the country from shore to shore.

Enter: Wailing Lad Clegg! But who is this? No longer the 'wailing lad' of a couple of weeks ago! Now, he struts his stuff along Downing Street, knocks at the door without hesitation; enters the room with a sure presence; no longer pasty faced, but a shade of healthy light tan, Clegg is looking smart and well-groomed. His energy levels, once at rock-bottom are now ace-high.

So in twenty-four little hours - the world of Boy David and 'No-longer-Wailing' Lad Clegg has assuredly turned upside-down!

The confident maker of directives and U-turns can no longer feel assured that he can direct or make any kind of turn at all. The Wailing Lad is no longer down-hearted. There is a skip to his step and a lightness to his laughter. He is now the one giving directives. He has issued profound statements:

My message to Rebekah Brooks and the Murdochs is just do the decent thing. You can't hide away from this level of public anguish and anger and indeed interest. When you're in that position of power you are also accountable to the millions of people who consume the products – the newspapers, the television channels.

Make yourself available. If you feel that you've been wronged, if you feel you've been maligned, if you feel that the facts have not been properly set out, then come out and set the record straight. It's a good opportunity to do that.

Only a few days ago - Nick Clegg would not have been the man to even dare look the Murdochs in the eye! He would have hidden from Rebekah - the Red Headed Vamp! Now, he is lecturing them!

Mr Clegg went on to say:

"There is always this sensitive transition period when politicians come from opposition into government and bring people with them as I have done, into government, and it is properly scrutinised and vetted, but it is also an issue of judgment," he said.

"And those judgments do of course lie with the people at the top. The prime minister has explained on many occasions the reasoning he has given for his decision and I will always be prepared to give the reason for the decision I have taken on the appointments I have made.

Can you believe it, such statesmanlike words coming from the Lad?

And what of Boy David? The rest of the day has been silence and meditation.

Still - the jolly old hols are coming up! Sunshine, sand and sea will no doubt work wonders on Boy David. He will come back refreshed and re-invigorated! heaven help us all!

So, we have seen a veritable parable unfolding before us, this week:  the mighty fallen, the weak given strength.  But has the Fat Lady sung?  I haven't heard the first notes - just yet!

Bye!

A bad day for the Murdochs @ No 10

Boy David was up bright and early: nice clean shirt, smart tie, hair done immaculately; had a long gargle, teeth specially whitened. He'd been rehearsing his smile since before breakfast! So - all set and ready to go into the fray of what promised to be a rather daunting PMQs.

Arturo and I took our life in our hands and walked down Whitehall, squeezed our way into Parliament and sneaked into the Chamber. We managed it, my friends!

There were row upon row of noisy, disgruntled looking people all filing in. We had arrived early and slid beneath the Speaker's chair, without being seen.

The session began, Boy David, looking rather flustered, I must say, uttered a few remarks. Then the Startled One, Ed Miliband, Leader of the Opposition, got to his feet to a round of tumultuous cheers from his party - Labour.

Arturo and I heard everything and were surprised to hear Miliband getting the better of Boy David. We saw Georgy from No 11, patting his pal, David, on the back each time he sat down. Rather touching really!

Then Boy David left the Chamber, accompanied by Georgy! Boy David was in a sort of strop! It was all too much for them obviously! They were not going to wait to take part in the big debate about Murdoch, phone hacking and the BSkyB takeover! Funny that! I can't think why they didn't want to say their pieces! Surely, they weren't still worried about the power of Rupert Murdoch and the Red Haired Vamp!

Anyway - into the Chamber lumbered an enormous bear of a man. People gasped when they saw him. Some smiled, others looked anxiously away!

"Who is that?" Arturo asked, awestruck.

"That, my friend, is the former Prime Minister, Gordon Brown. He hasn't been seen for months! He's hardly spoken! He's writing a book! There are many who are terrified of him! Others just loathe him."

The debate began - nothing very enlightening or exciting was said. They all agreed that News Corp could not take over BSkyB - funny that! News Corp had already withdrawn its bid, but since they'd said there would be a debate - there was a debate! Humans are strange, aren't they?

It was very, very, very noisy! The Speaker, a cat lover of renown, controlled the situation brilliantly. Though there was one moment when he shouted so loudly, Arturo and I thought he would pass out! He went purple and the veins on his neck bulged with the exertion!

Then, this Gordon Brown got to his feet! What a man! I'll say it again - what a man! He was magnificent! He spoke with passion. Clearly deeply touched personally, his comments struck a cord with many. However, others kept shouting 'Sit down! Sit down!' He bided his time and only sat down when he was good and ready!

Arturo and I waited till the end of the debate. Wailing Lad Clegg sauntered in at the very end. Clever that! He gave a sheepish sideways glance at the Bear! Then quickly turned away.

The motion was passed - 'News Corp - You've had it!' - That was the general message!
So, the Chamber emptied and Arturo and I crept out, back along Whitehall and through the rose garden into No 10.

"No more bits of crumpet thrown our way from those lovely white fingers!" Arturo bewailed.
"Whose 'lovely white fingers'?" I asked.
"Why the Red Headed Vamp! She liked the look of me, I think!"

I thought about it, for a while. "I wouldn't be too sure about that, Arturo. With women like that and men like the Murdochs - they're never really out of the picture. I reckon, they'll be back!"

Bye from us both!