S.O.S. it's LOL :) :( @ No 10

"Well, here's a fine howdy-do! 'Boy David' Cameron didn't know the difference between LYL and LOL! Though it seems, he does now!" Arturo was grinning from ear to ear. Of course, he's the Downing Street guru on txt-talk. I let him continue to have his fun! What else could I do?

"You need to hone up your emoticons, Butch! Never know when they'll come in useful."

I'd had enough of all this banter from Arturo. So I slunk away to look at the papers. The Guardian had two that caught my eye.

The first was written by Josh Halliday under the headline

Leveson inquiry: the 'gossipy items' denied by Rebekah Brooks
Former Sun editor rejects claims about her swimming habits, wardrobe and that retired police horse

He wrote:

.. during five hours of questioning at the Leveson inquiry on Friday, former editor Rebekah Brooks attempted to debunk a string of what she called "gossipy items" on her alleged swimming habits, wardrobe – and the retired police horse she borrowed.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2012/may/11/rebekah-brooks-faces-own-gossip

I had watched some of the show - for show it surely was - and noted the way the Red-Haired Brooks parried the questions. Her steely eyes contrasting with the Puritan style garb she was wearing. Here we had no modest damsel at her prayers but a veritable Machiavellian pseud.

Even the brilliant Mr Jay had problems getting at the truth, as opposed to the fantasy of the world inhabited by Brooks, Cameron, Osborne and Coulson. The ever present eminence grise of Rupert Murdoch hovered like some spectre at the feast.

Indeed, the 'show' was riveting but hardly informative. Brooks, ruffling her long locks, like Medusa, seemed to keep the facts at more than arm's length. Jay, despite his best efforts, only managed to tease out the odd snippet here and there.

Just like Coulson, the day before, one got the impression that Brooks had been endlessly rehearsed and tested before swearing to 'tell the truth, the whole truth'. Maybe in their world, truth and fantasy become so blurred that truth metamorphoses into fantasy. Maybe, Brooks and Coulson really do not know the difference.

It was the facts about the Christmas Dinner that Brooks and Cameron attended that exercised the writer of the second article in the Guardian. Ian Katz wrote the article under the headline

More details emerge of Rebekah Brooks and David Cameron's cosy Christmas
The former News International chief's evidence at Leveson fills in a missing piece in one of the phone-hacking drama's subplots

He continued:

... to students of the Cameron-Brooks relationship, the former News International chief executive's brief account of a party at her sister-in-law's home on Boxing Day filled in a key piece in an intriguing subplot of the phone-hacking drama.

Katz went on:

When the Guardian first began asking in January 2011 whether David Cameron had attended a dinner chez Brooks at Christmas, Downing Street was evasive. First it categorically denied that the pair had met on Christmas Day, then it refused to confirm or deny whether they had met on another Yule-ish date.

When it emerged that Rupert Murdoch's son James had also been at the dinner on 23 December, a lobby source grudgingly confirmed the prime minister had attended, but insisted that the BSkyB deal had not been discussed. Since then, Murdoch and Rebekah Brooks have both said it was – if only in what Murdoch Jr called "a tiny side conversation".

Wow! Now that was a show stopper, if ever there was one - 'a tiny side conversation'!! Some 'tiny'! This was interesting.

Katz continued:

Over the months since, we have learned more about the Brooks-Cameron Christmas dinner – like the fact that the guests discussed whether to take sausage rolls on an upcoming picnic – but little about a rumoured second Cameron-Brooks encounter on Boxing Day.

Although Downing Street confirmed two meetings between Brooks and Cameron in December 2010, it wasn't clear when and where the second had taken place and all involved – including Brooks – remained resolutely tight-lipped. Until Friday, when Brooks told the Leveson inquiry she and the PM had attended "a Boxing Day mulled wine, mince pie party at my sister-in-law's". She didn't remember speaking to Cameron, but her sister-in-law had reminded her that he and Samantha were definitely there "so I would have seen them".

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2012/may/11/rebekah-brooks-david-cameron-christmas

I'm sure the supporters of Medusa - sorry Brooks - must have thought - 'That's my girl!' Was ever memory loss so valuable! One wonders if she really even knows who she is!

The saga is not over. 'Boy David' Cameron and Georgy Osborne have yet to appear. One can only hope, for their sakes that they have been as well rehearsed as Medusa.

Meanwhile, back in the corner of the Cabinet Office, Arturo was still practising his txt-talk.
"2BZ4UQT I'm almost AAK! AIAMU if that's the EOT"

I thought to myself: Poor old 'Boy David' Cameron. I'll bet he wished he'd never set eyes on the Chipping Norton set! I bet he wished he had never learnt it was possible to use text message shortcuts. I bet he wished that he had, at least, found out how to say what he actually intended!

So, I slunk away again! This txt-talk is unbearable - and dangerous!

Here's a short glossary, Cameron should have consulted before he texted the Red Haired Brooks:

LYL Love you lots
LOL Laugh out loud
2BZ4UQT Too Busy For You Cutey
AAK! Asleep at keyboard
AIAMU And I'm A Monkey's Uncle
EOT End of thread
GGOH Gotta get out of here

Arturo called out from the corner of the room: "Tell Cameron YRYOCC - (You're Running on Your Own Cookoo Clock)."

As far as I'm concerned: TTFN. In case 'Boy David' Cameron doesn't know what this means - Ta Ta For Now.