Heads you win! Tails you lose @ No 10.

Boy David spotted me, this afternoon, as he sat down in one of the outer offices. I could not believe what happened next. He reached out and scratched my ear and then began talking to me. My ear! Can you really credit that?

"It's a strange world, cat!" He said, doesn't know my name. he sighed then went on. "One minute everyone is all smiles and pleasant nods. Take yesterday. In Ireland, the Queen and I were the flavour of the month! All and sundry treated us like royalty! Whoops! Well, you know what I mean! I was basking in it all and thinking, 'Eat your heart out, Blair!' Then, I come back to the jolly old UK - and the bickering starts up again: 'You should not have invited the Crown Prince of Bahrain to No 10!' 'You have a 'tin ear' for freedom, Prime Minister!' 'The LibDems are getting away with too much.' 'You are compromising on Tory policy.' 'That Lansley fellow has got to be stopped' 'You mustn't let Lansley down, he knows what's right for the NHS'. Then the other lot, the LibDems, are one constant moan and whine about not getting what they want! I tell you, cat, it's a dog's life!" He pinched my ear. "Why I'm talking to you, I have no idea! Still, I suppose cats can't tell tales."

He pottered out of the room looking very sorry for himself. I remember what old Hi-Tail Tom said to me: 'Heads you win, Butch lad, tails you lose!' At the time, I hadn't got a clue what he meant. But having been here at No 10 for a while, I now know exactly what he meant.

Trouble is that at Nos 10 and 11, Boy David, Wailing Lad Clegg and Georgy want to be winners all the time. They'll end in tears like Thatcher, Major, Blair and Brown. Who'd be a human?

So, Boy David thinks 'cats can't tell tales', does he? He's in for a shock!