'NO we do not. Sorry ... YES, we do' @ No 10

"Cor Blimey, Butch!! They're in a right old mess in No 10. They don't seem to know whether they do or whether they don't." Arturo said.

"Do, or don't, what?" I tried not to seem stupid.

"Go and read the Independent - last two or three days - then you'll know what I'm on about. I haven't time to tell you the full story."

So, I did what Arturo said - don't I always? This is just part of what I discovered.

The Independent has done some investigations into a firm called Bell Pottinger. In an article written by Melanie Newman and Oliver Wright entitled: Revelations: How lobbyists' tentacles spread throughout the Government the journalists relate the story of how the government has become ensnared by this over-active lobbying group. They write:

Senior executives at Bell Pottinger claimed they could arrange meetings with the Business Secretary's special adviser on behalf of a client.

Tim Collins, managing director of Bell Pottinger Public Affairs, told undercover reporters that the best way to get to Vince Cable was through his political adviser Giles Wilkes. And Mr Collins's colleague suggested that as a result of Bell Pottinger's intervention, Mr Cable had visited a factory owned by one of the firm's clients that was looking for Government assistance.

Well, you might say, no real harm done there. It's what any lobbyist group would do, isn't it? But there's more. The article continues:

David Wilson, chairman of Bell Pottinger Public Relations, said: "We've just started work with Lotus cars who have got a massive investment from Malaysia through Proton, their owner. And we helped orchestrate a visit from Vince Cable on Monday because of the investment that's going in because they are looking for grant aid to develop new factories, which would create new jobs."

Again, you might say, it's a bit on the dodgy side but then this is politics and business can become an explosive mix!

The article continues with a catalogue of boasting from Tim Collins about who he knows and how he can manipulate them. Various quoted government 'spokesmen' fall over themselves to deny there was anything sinister in the meetings.

Shadow Cabinet Office minister Jon Trickett was quoted in the article as saying of the present government that it was:

"too close to corporate interests. We have been calling on the Government to implement a statutory register of lobbyists. We need reform".

'Boy David' Cameron was incensed by this and a spokesman was quoted as commenting:

I simply do not accept that there was undue access.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/article6273280.ece

However, one has to make a comment to the Shadow Cabinet Office Minister. Why didn't Labour think of dealing more robustly with lobbyists when it was in power? We might then have avoided the situation created by the Licensing and Gambling legislation.

But that is not the end of the Bell Pottinger lobbying story - no, sirree!

The Independent had another story this time written by Matthew Norman: Do unethical lobbyists feel any pain at the dirty, seedy role they play in politics?

The article is witty and scathing at the same time. It needs to be read in its entirety. However, I offer two quotes from it. These sum up the views expressed widely about many in the lobbying fraternity:

Was ever a man a finer advert for the services he offers than Tim Bell, the lobbying activities of whose firm, Bell Pottinger, this newspaper revealed yesterday? Any despot wavering over whether to join brethren from Belarus and Sri Lanka in hiring Lord Bell's image-laundering skills will have their doubts quashed by a visit to his own Wikipedia entry. All the dirty linen has been magically vanished.

The second quotation is:

A story does exist, of course, and it's a depressingly familiar one for both our democracy and the victims of distant dictatorships. It is a story as old as civilisation, in fact. So long as there has been a body politic to host them, parasites have feasted on its blood.

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/matthew-norman/article6273126.ece

Back in No 10, amidst the furor surrounding 'Boy David' Cameron's visit to the 'Lions Den' that is Brussels, there were second thoughts about the Independent's stories. Melanie Newman and Oliver Wright had another article tellingly entitled: No. 10 changes its tone over lobbyists . They wrote:

When The Independent contacted No 10 on Monday night, a spokeswoman for the Prime Minister insisted that "it is simply not true that Bell Pottinger or indeed any other lobbying company has any influence on government policy" - leading to questions as to why large firms would spend hundreds of millions of pounds on lobbyists if they had no effect.

Well - the spokeswoman would say that, wouldn't she?

However - hold your hats on! There's been a change of what shall we say:

Mood?
PR?
Morality?

Call it what you will. The article quotes a Prime Minister's spokesman as saying:

Of course, occasionally lobbyists talk to Government, the CBI often talks to the Department for Business or the Treasury and individual companies with interests talk to Government and raise concerns with us.

We listen to their concerns and where we think they have legitimate concerns and we can help we try to do so.

That's what you would expect us to do. Most people would think if the Prime Minister is raising these issues with foreign governments with the intention of improving our trade relationships, that would be a good thing to do.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/article6273279.ece

Meanwhile - back in the lobbyists' nest - what does Lord Bell think about all of this? Do you remember Lord Bell, Head of Bell Pottinger's holding company Chime Communications. He was erstwhile favourite of Lady Thatcher, when she was PM. As you can imagine, a Magician hates the secrets of his tricks being revealed. After all, if they are revealed - then anyone can do them! Magicians are secretive guardians of their dark arts. Lord Bell is no exception. He is enraged. In an interview with Stephen Robinson of the Evening Standard, Lord Bell appears under the headline:

'Of course I regret it, I need it like a hole in the head, all this s**t'

Robinson writes of Bell:

He likes to work behind the scenes shielded from view as his companies burnish various brands with what might be termed "reputational issues" - General Pinochet, Sri Lanka, Bahrain, Belarus and many, many others. Only occasionally does he intrude visibly into the political world, as when he sealed the demise of his old friend Liam Fox by helping one of his clients pass bank account details to the Times revealing a conflict of interest in the way Dr Fox's "adviser" Adam Werritty was funded. Yesterday, he declined to comment about Fox.

Oh Dear! Dirty! Dirty! Arturo would love this!

Robinson continues:

Even as we are talking, the Independent is emailing him selected extracts of further allegations to be published in today's edition, including the recorded assertion by an official at Bell Pottinger that the company took money from the government of Belarus via an unnamed agent, in possible breach of accounting rules. Bell denies this happened.

Bell has launched an internal investigation after which the full board will decide if disciplinary action should be taken against his staff for their efforts to secure the business of Uzbekistan.

Robinson lists the accusations made against Bell Pottinger:

Its staff explained how a despotic regime could improve its international standing while keeping child labour for up to two decades.

They admitted using Wikipedia accounts to change entries about its clients.

They suggested they could manipulate Google results to drown out negative coverage of human rights violations.

Boasted about access to No 10, claiming they persuaded David Cameron to speak to the Chinese government on a client's behalf within 24 hours.

Claimed to have access to other senior figures including Foreign Secretary William Hague and No 10 adviser Steve Hilton.

Claimed the firm had close relations with foreign office minister Alistair Burt.

Claimed they could arrange meetings with the special adviser to Business Secretary Vince Cable.

Claimed they may be able to organise a royal tour and boasted of links to the royal family.

Claimed to be able to use politicians to attack Channel 4's investigative TV programme Dispatches.

Helped pick the police station former News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks would be taken to for questioning; prepared her to give evidence to Parliament.

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifestyle/article-24019238-of-course-i-regret-it-i-need-it-like-a-hole-in-the-head-all-this-st.do

Oh Dear! And Oh Dear, again! It sounds more like the machinations of a Ruritanian Republic then the business dealings of a company that boasts strong links with top UK politicians. How are the mighty fallen? Or maybe, they were never UP there in the first place!

I just hope it isn't an omen for 'Boy David's little trip to talk to Merkozy!

Never mind - we'll know the best/worst by the weekend, won't we? If not, Arturo and I will keep out of the way of Cameron himself and his acolytes. Don't they say that when you're angry 'Go and kick the cat!'

'Bye'