All quiet on the No 10 front - or is it?

No real politics today, @ No 10! Thank goodness, do I hear you say? I tend to agree, there's been too much politics going on since New Year!

The worry is that the silver fox chap - Lansley - is working away in the shadows. He and all his pals seem quite determined to push through their NHS reforms. They smile to the faces of the critics and talk merrily about a 'pause' - I think they meant 'paws'. But, in fact, the Primary Care Trusts are being got rid of - at an ever increasing rate. So - who will be left to run the 'well loved' NHS? Only the private companies - that's who!

Wailing Lad Clegg is all talk and no real action. Secretly, I think he practises his sound-bites in front of the large hall mirror. Judges which one makes him look most sincere, then chooses that one! So far, it's all talk and nothing actually achieved! NHS reforms are still moving, despite Wailing Lad's pronouncements!

I also heard on the great grapevine, that silver fox Lansley has a special pal - one Nick de Bois! This De Bois chap has been sending out emails in support of Lansley. Arturo told me that this De Bois chap had crawled 'out of the woodwork'. I laughed! Get it? If not, try to remember your French lessons in school! I suggested that what the people trying to resist the proposed 'reforms' should do - is call for Rentokil! I really am a very witty cat, though I say so myself!

And now - my fans - for an extra special treat. So many of you have asked for a photo of me! I got one of the secretaries to take a few! Yes - a few. So, I have chosen one just for you and just for today! As you can see, I am in the back garden @ No 10.

As those of you who have sharp eyes will note, I have sustained a rare old bite to my right ear! You should have seen the other guy!

More woes for Georgy Porgy @ No 10!

Arturo came rushing in to No 10 - he said he was escaping from No 11, for the moment. I asked why. He said there was a lot of things flying round the office. "Such as?" I asked. Such as: notebooks, pens, mobile phones, mugs and a plate!

I pondered this information, as any thoughtful cat would. "More tantrums?" I queried.

"Many more tantrums, Butch my old son!" Arturo said, as he lapped up my bowl of milk.

"What's up now?"

"Poor old George is suffering the same fate as all Chancellors. Just when he thinks he's got it taped, it all goes pear-shaped. He was delighted with himself, only last week. Everything he touched went to gold - " Arturo paused, "Maybe that's a bit over the top! But let's say, there were no major problems. Now, those old Tory Eurosceptics are at it again. They are claiming the European Financial Stability Mechanism - now there's a mouthful! I'll call it the EFSM for short. They reckon that we - that's us in the UK - are paying too much into the EFSM to bailout the failing Eurozone economies! One of the arch Tory sceptics thinks we've paid a third of the bailout costs when we should only have paid 12 per cent."

"God! Arturo, this is so boring!"

"Well economics is boring, my dear Butch! You have all the fun and games here in No 10 - In No 11 - it's all facts and figures - or smoke and mirrors - depends on how you rate economists!"

"I don't rate them at all!"

"Nor do I. But our Georgy is up the pole now because the right of the Tory Party don't seem to be rating him anymore. There's even a threat that they might join forces with Labour. The Tory whips are out with a vengeance! 30 Tories rebelled claiming that £12.5bn of taxpayers' money was set aside to help Greece, Portugal and Ireland. They didn't like it! Not with all the benefit cuts coming. Of course, all they're really worried about is their own seats! They all want to be re-elected, don't they?"

"Wonder if Obama's lot have the same trouble." I said. "Tell you what though - at least Boy David and Georgy don't have Sarah Palin on their backs! I saw her promotional video yesterday! Scary, man! One huge grizzly bear roaring! Now - that would give Georgy something to worry about!"

But - Arturo was asleep, curled up on MY cushion. I left him and went for a snooze in the garden near one of the nesting boxes!!

Georgy's self-doubt @ No 10

Well, I must say, Boy David's feet have hardly touched ground since President Obama came and went.   Some of the glitter seems to have rubbed off and onto his shoulders!   Least ways, that's what he thinks!   He's been strutting the European stage like a veritable Blair: head held high, jaw thrust out, tummy held in!   Pronouncements on Europe, the Euro, various wars, foreign aid!  The list goes on and on!

He's going to come right back down to reality with a bump when he enters No 10's black door again!  But for the moment let him dream he's important on the world - er.. European - stage.

For his next door neighbour, Georgy, things have not been so smooth.   Arturo, his under stairs cat, has been feeding me the gossip!  Poor old Georgy!  He was convinced that his economic policies were working so well!  The Tory front bench were in awe!   Even that troublesome fellow, Cable, seemed to be in agreement with him.  All was going 'jolly swimmingly' as he would say.   Then, flash, bang, wallop!  Out of the bright blue sky came the news that:

the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) downgraded its forecast for UK economic growth this year from 1.5 to 1.4 per cent

They have also lowered next year's forecast from '2 to 1.8 per cent'.  This is lower than the Office for Budget Responsibility's predictions of 1.7 per cent for this year and 2.5 per cent for next year.

So what?  Do I hear you ask?  Well, not being an economist, though being remarkably well read for a cat, even I can see that things don't look good!  Ration books on the horizon!  Soup-kitchens in Park Lane!  Could well be signs for the future!

Then, from out of the woodwork, came the man with the hypnotising eyes. The man with the 'he-who-must-be-obeyed' look, Ed Balls saw the figures and grinned! Then he said

George Osborne's rigid determination, despite all the evidence, to stick with deep and fast cuts and refuse to even consider a Plan B does not boost his credibility, it undermines it.

So there you are! Georgy's star is not rising! It's flagging!  One cheerful note though not on an economic point, Ed Balls is not all grin and joy, this weekend.  He also has his own little problems too - they are in the form of one Ms Shoesmith!  So, Georgy will know that the gods are even-handed.

As for me - life is good!   No 10 is quiet at the moment.  The food scraps are plentiful!  The place is warm and cosy.  No need to hunt for rats tonight - found a half-eaten chicken carcass.  Seventh heaven for a cat like me.

While the Boss is away - again - @ No 10

I've been very busy - I'll do a proper posting about my problems soon - but for now my problems pale into insignificance compared to that of my Boss - the PM himself 'Boy' David Cameron.

What a week he's had. Still basking in the sunlight that flowed from the Queen, after the Irish visit, our Boy David was tanned by the soothing warmth that emanated from President and Mrs Obama's visit. He visibly glowed in Westminster Hall and Buckingham Palace. It was a real publicity coup. That's not to say that the President didn't enjoy it - he assuredly did. But not half as much as the PM. It was patently obvious to the UK and the world that he, and he alone, heads up the UK government. The poor Wailing Lad Clegg was left in no doubt that he is a very, very junior Deputy.

Now - Boy David is still basking in the glow of the G8 meeting in Paris. They all stride purposefully down some large avenue - how do I know, you ask, me being a humble cat and all? Well, I know 'cos I saw it on the TV! There was my Boy David looking polished and bright as a button with the other leaders around him. Good on you, Boy, some would say.

However - is this glow going to last? No - No and No again! Already the cold air is coming fast at him. And why is this? Well, one of his party has been heard to call the faithful LibDems - 'yellow bastards!'. Why are the LibDems 'yellow bastards'? Because they are trying to sabotage the Lansley NHS plans. The right-wing Tories are up-in-arms about this. He is one of their own and they will fight for him tooth and nail. Actually what they are reported to have said is :

We Conservatives are ruthless and tribal. We are going to stand up for our man.

Now, this will cause the tan to fade from Boy David's cheeks fast! He may be King of the Castle, at the moment, but he won't want Wailing Lad Clegg too upset. Election boundary changes will not come in for another two years - he has to hang on to the Coalition till then. After that, well - it's plain sailing. The new boundaries will favour the Tory Party - at least better than they do now!

So, you see, he doesn't want those 'yellow bastards' so upset that they pull the plug on the bathtub of their alliance!

Poor Boy David has another problem awaiting him when he gets home. His parents-in-law are fighting tooth and nail to keep their stately home smelling sweetly. Sutton Park - home to Sir Reginald Sheffield, father of the Prime Minister's wife Samantha, and Lady Sheffield must not be ruined. They want the tourists to troop round the crumbling towers 'oohing and aahing' without the smell of rotting flesh getting up their noses! And why should the smell of rotting flesh get up their noses? Because a local man and several local farmers want to provide more facilities for slaughtering of animals! Some dilemma, eh?

As a mere under stairs cat - I cannot venture to think what will be going through the mind of Boy David when he arrives home. One minute you're riding high then ...Whack, you're ... as they say!

'Shut Up' @ No 10

I saw an item in a newspaper that had been thrown onto the Cabinet Office floor. It read 'How to spot a psychopath' and the tag line read : 'From Broadmoor to boardroom, they're everywhere, says Jon Ronson'. If I wasn't a cat, I would have laughed out loud. I thought, you tell that to Boy David! He reckons he's surrounded by them!

He's still in a right old state. He told Georgy that he wished everyone would just 'Shut up'. Of course, as usual, Georgy agreed with everything he said. Well, as one famous lady once said, 'he would, wouldn't he?'

This time, our PM wished that the whisky-cigar smelling man had kept his mouth shut on Radio 5. He - the PM that is - didn't know how to counter the demands from Ed, leader of Labour, to have the Justice Minister's head on a plate. I think he'd have liked the head on a plate too, but couldn't say so!

Our PM also wished that the silver-fox man, the one called Lansley would keep his mouth more firmly under control too. The Manchester Evening News, I gather, reported that the 'NHS row is a storm in a teacup. He was quoted as saying :

"I am responsible for the NHS through the Department of Health but ... I involve all of my colleagues. It involves local government, it involves the Treasury for financial reasons, it involves David Cameron and Nick Clegg and others. We’re all involved in it together."

Now there's a turn up for the books, I thought to myself. One minute this Lansley chap is demanding all the credit for these NHS reforms. Now the going's getting rough they're all in it together.

It's no wonder our PM is going around muttering under his breath.

I also heard another little rumour - can't vouch for it, mark you, it was a tweet. It said that Wailing Lad Clegg is totally desperate to see President Obama.

What with the Minister for Justice, Lansley and Clegg and 'Invinceable' Cable in the background, I expect our PM is wishing that one year ago the LibDems had joined forces with Labour. But then, again, he is an old Etonian - that's not their ethic, is it?

Heads you win! Tails you lose @ No 10.

Boy David spotted me, this afternoon, as he sat down in one of the outer offices. I could not believe what happened next. He reached out and scratched my ear and then began talking to me. My ear! Can you really credit that?

"It's a strange world, cat!" He said, doesn't know my name. he sighed then went on. "One minute everyone is all smiles and pleasant nods. Take yesterday. In Ireland, the Queen and I were the flavour of the month! All and sundry treated us like royalty! Whoops! Well, you know what I mean! I was basking in it all and thinking, 'Eat your heart out, Blair!' Then, I come back to the jolly old UK - and the bickering starts up again: 'You should not have invited the Crown Prince of Bahrain to No 10!' 'You have a 'tin ear' for freedom, Prime Minister!' 'The LibDems are getting away with too much.' 'You are compromising on Tory policy.' 'That Lansley fellow has got to be stopped' 'You mustn't let Lansley down, he knows what's right for the NHS'. Then the other lot, the LibDems, are one constant moan and whine about not getting what they want! I tell you, cat, it's a dog's life!" He pinched my ear. "Why I'm talking to you, I have no idea! Still, I suppose cats can't tell tales."

He pottered out of the room looking very sorry for himself. I remember what old Hi-Tail Tom said to me: 'Heads you win, Butch lad, tails you lose!' At the time, I hadn't got a clue what he meant. But having been here at No 10 for a while, I now know exactly what he meant.

Trouble is that at Nos 10 and 11, Boy David, Wailing Lad Clegg and Georgy want to be winners all the time. They'll end in tears like Thatcher, Major, Blair and Brown. Who'd be a human?

So, Boy David thinks 'cats can't tell tales', does he? He's in for a shock!

To PMQ or not to PMQ? That is the question @ No 10.

"Prime Minister - you have a really busy week. Wouldn't it be wiser to skip PMQs today?"

"What! You're not being serious? Miss PMQs and let that ... that ..." Much muttering under his breath. "My Deputy take over... You must be out of your mind!"

"I was only thinking of your well-being, Prime Minister." The rather abashed junior Minister said. "You are off to Ireland later in the day."

"My well-being, as you so charmingly call it, is served best by reliable colleagues not making stupid suggestions. Clegg is on the rampage at the moment, or hadn't you noticed? Don't you understand that? He'll do anything and everything to show his 'muscular Liberalism'. Ha! Some joke that! The only muscularity about the LibDems is their over used tongues!" He smiled his raffish smile, so reminiscent of Flashman. "So, if you value my continuing support, I assume you do, don't let me hear you suggest that I should relinquish PMQs today."

The junior Minister nodded and collected a pile of papers from the PM's desk.

I rolled onto my back, when they had gone. I stretched myself and then rolled over onto my front. Life was good when these pesky humans left one in peace. As it was, the last few days have been full of 'sound and fury'. Poor old Wailing Lad Clegg has really set the cat among the pigeons - excuse the metaphor - by determining to stand out from the rest of the Cabinet. The shock of the size of the defeat at the polls has made him more positive and as Arturo says, 'thrusting'.

This new posture of the Wailing Lad is highly unpopular with not only my Boy David but also with George from next door. According to Arturo, George gets in a right strop whenever Clegg's name is mentioned. He calls him a 'wild opportunist'. Personally, I thought that a bit rich coming from him!

Still, as the 'hot rabbit' would say 'c'est la vie'!