Bagpuss Pickles @ No 10

A rather large man sauntered into No 10, at the end of last week. Arturo only just managed to get out of the way. He was in grave danger of being totally flattened.

"Who was that?" He gasped, when he reached the safety of the velvet curtain.

"That," I said smugly, since Arturo always seems to know everything and everyone, "that is the Communities Secretary, one Mr Eric Pickles."

"Blimey! I thought it was a giant Bagpuss! You remember Bagpuss, that saggy old stuffed cloth cat on TV? Anyway - never mind what he looks like - what's he doing here? He has a furtive look in those small button eyes."

"I heard he's discovered that local authorities own around £250billion-worth of property in land in Britain. He says this costs more than £100billion to maintain, every year. Because he's a Tory - and you know what Tories are like - he's determined to squeeze every last drop of money out of the people. One way he hopes to do it is to get the local authorities to make surplus land available for retail companies and property developers to buy. If they don't sell these assets - then the local authorities have got to make money out of them! Just imagine it - supermarkets covering every available bit of land! Trees cut down, ponds drained. No more wild places!"

Arturo thought about this for some time. "So, does that mean they'll sell off the local parks or charge an entrance fee, if you want to go there for a walk? Will they insist that Mums pay to let their kids use swings and slides in the playgrounds? Will charities that rent space from local councils have to pay a good deal more?"

To each of these questions, I nodded for an answer. Arturo looked very upset.
"That's diabolical!" He said, hissing his feelings. "As if it's not bad enough that the councils are cutting back on housing benefits - now they're going to take away any small pleasures that people can get! You say his name is 'Pickles' - how apt! Perhaps, someone will pickle him! Then, we could charge money for people to go and see Pickled Pickles! That would help the councils save money - in more ways than one!"

"If Bagpuss Pickles finds out what you think - he'll charge you for every rat you catch - claiming you caught it on public property!"

At that moment, the floor shook. Was it thunder? No! Was it an earthquake? No. It was Bagpuss Pickles making his way to the front door!

"There goes the Communities Secretary," I said. "the man who together with Boy David is going to ruin our green and pleasant land!"

'Bye' from Arturo

'Bye' from me