"How would I feel? How do you think I'd feel - I ..." I didn't let him finish.
"How would you feel, if every time, the said acolyte saw a mouse, he snapped a peg on your tail?"
"How would I what?" The fur on his back stood up on end, when I mentioned the peg. He was beginning to arch his back, in a rather menacing way.
"How would you feel if ..."
"Hey! What's with all these, 'how would you feel', stupid questions? You're a cat! You know how it would feel. Blo*** awful! So what gives?"
"Well, there's a rather supercilious bloke who is the policy chief on public sector reforms - named Letwin - Oliver Letwin."
"Never heard of him!"
"Oh, you will! You certainly will. After all, you and I are, in our own way, public sector workers, aren't we? We are the rodent-ridding arm of the civil service, aren't we?"
Arturo pondered this for a minute or so, then nodded sagely. "I suppose we are! I'd never thought of it that way but yes, you're right. We're the feline version of Rentokil - more eco-friendly since we don't use chemicals!"
"Well - be prepared to be afraid, Arturo - very afraid!"
"Oh, we're not back to that again, are we? What are you on about?!"
"Mr Letwin - Oliver that is - he's announced that, and I quote: "some real discipline and some fear" is needed by public sector workers, if they are to do their jobs properly. He went on to say:
You can't have room for innovation and the pressure for excellence without having some real discipline and some fear on the part of the providers that things may go wrong if they don't live up to the aims that society as a whole is demanding of them.So what do you think of that?"
"Real discipline and fear! Who does this twerp, Letwin, think he is? Is he into black leather as well? Sounds like a weirdo to me!"
Come to think of it, Arturo is right. What sort of a person advocates fear and discipline to keep people working - when their pay is already frozen; their pensions have been cut; they have to work longer to get less. Add in a bit of fear and discipline and you have the ideal recipe for a strike. That's what you have!
And I am right, because I found out that Mark Serwotka, general secretary of the Public and Commercial Services Union (PCSU), reacted angrily to Letwin's comments. He said:
Public sector workers are already working in fear – fear of cuts to their job, pension, living standards and of privatisation. Far from improving productivity, the cuts are creating chaos in vital public services.
Then, I heard that lovely lady, the epitome of a smooth pussycat, Harriet Harman, say that she did not recognise Letwin's portrayal of the public sector. She said
the idea that the way to improve public services is to put fear into those who provide them is absolutely grotesque.
So, I'm right! Letwin - Oliver that is - must be out of his tiny mind! What's more Boy David must be losing his judgement too. How could he give jobs to blokes like this Letwin, Lansley, Duncan Smith, Alexander, Gove ... I could go on and on. If they're the gentle face of Conservatism, I'd hate to meet the nasty side!
The Cabinet Office noted the uproar that followed this announcement. As usual, they rushed in to issue a statement to calm the nerves of the sensitive. It said:
It is widely acknowledged that there is a problem with productivity in public services. The government's policy is to improve it and provide the best value for the taxpayer.
All I can say is: 'best value for the taxpayer!', rubbish! rubbish!
As fully paid up members of the feline pest-destroyers branch of the public sector workers union, Arturo and I have called a meeting with all the other cats in Downing Street and in Whitehall.
If we go on strike, Ollie Letwin, it's the politicians like you who'll feel the fear of an encroaching army of large rodents gnawing their way into the Cabinet Office! So there! You know what you can do with your 'fear and discipline', don't you?
'Bye' from Arturo and me.
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