"Have you been upstairs? Have you seen ... it?"
"I've been upstairs, of course I have. Where do you think I was all night? What is the 'it', you're on about?"
"It's something awful! It glows and - to my eyes - wobbles! And it's on the wall!"
We both crept upstairs - we didn't really need to 'creep' because Boy David is already on his fifth - yes I did say 'fifth' holiday of the year. It seems he has gone back to Cornwall. I heard he was really worried he would be totally 'fried' by the pressures of being Prime Minister!
"Pressures of the job!" Arturo snorted. "How many holidays did poor old Churchill have for the six years he was in power during the Second World War? And he was twenty years older than Boy David is now! Talk about a wimp! I wouldn't mind being 'totally fried' by the pressures of being PM!" Arturo had really got going now! "He is driven everywhere! He has a grace and favour country estate! He has flunkies everywhere. I ..."
"Oh, do keep quiet, Arturo! You don't need to tell me! I wonder if he even knows the meaning of 'totally fried'. I bet the front line soldiers in Afghanistan on long tours of duty know what it means - but being 'totally fried' for Boy David means answering questions once a week in the Commons!"
We eventually reached the Terracotta Room - where the 'It' of Arturo's report was to be found! And there it was! Right before my very eyes: a socking great neon sign - stuck up on the wall. It was for all to see! It blinked at you in all its vulgarity:
'More Passion'
"More passion!" I nearly choked. "More passion! And in neon lights too! It looks like a bloomin' ice cream sign! Where did it come from?"
Just then a rather effete young man came in with a young woman:
"There it is, darling! What do you think? It was specially made for David Cameron by Tracey Emin. Isn't it marvellous! Just so ... so right ... for what the Coalition stands for!"
The wise girl said nothing! She stared in, what I could only describe as, open-mouthed shock. "Golly, Giles," She said. "Just think! Mrs Thatcher's old study is just across the way! Whatever would she have thought?" She giggled.
I sneezed loudly - the couple left. Arturo and I looked at each other.
"How much do you think that Emin woman got for it?"
"You think he actually paid for it?"
"Well, she's not daft, is she? She got nearly £60,000 for I Never Stopped Loving You, another neon on the seafront in Margate."
"Blimey you and me Arturo - we're in the wrong line of business! Boy David Cameron gets five holidays and it's only August - because he's afraid of being 'totally fried'. This Emin gets all that dosh for a bit of electric light twisted into a couple of words!"
"Hummmm!" Arturo said. "One thing we don't need here in Downing Street is 'Mora Passion', Butch, mi old mate! What we need is a bit more thought and a bit more work, if you ask me!"
'Bye' from Arturo
'Bye' from me
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