Decoys @ No 10

Boy David and his pal, weeping lad Clegg, were in a huddle early this morning. I was behind the curtain, so they didn't see me. They were so engrossed, I doubt if I'd caught a rat in front of them, they'd have noticed.

"We've got to get the heat off the NHS!" Boy David said in authoritative tones.

"I could do with a little less heat on me too!" Lad Clegg wailed.

"Ummm!" Boy David muttered, not altogether gushing with empathy, I thought.

"So what's the big idea?"

"Can't go beating on about the 'Big Society', can we? What else is there? We need good news, something to take the people's minds off politics."

"But, we've got the votes coming up in May. Don't want to take their minds off that, do we?" Clegg squinted knowingly at Boy David. A look akin to suspicion crossed his young brow, then went again.

"There are a few difficult weeks before then, Clegg. We've got trouble with the banks; problems with benefits; issues over defence."

"I know! I know! But I've got it! I've got you a 'Big Idea'!"

"Spit it out then, Clegg. What is it?"

"The wedding?"

"What Miliband's?"

"Of course not, David. Just think about it. What do the plebs really love - a good 'knees-up', as they say. And what provides a good 'knees-up'? Why, anything royal. Have you forgotten about Will and Kate?"

"Golly, Clegg, you're right! Good thinking! I'll announce that we - that's the Coalition, want the great British people to celebrate the Royal Wedding."

"So who should we talk to?"

"Leave it to me, Clegg." Boy David patted him fondly on the back. It was amazing to see the lad respond. If, he'd been a cat he would have purred. He went away a happy lad!

Boy David was on the blower to his pals at 'The Sun', quick as a flash! He came out with some right prize lines, off the top of his head. I can remember some of them clearly:

There are already around 4,000 street parties planned across Britain and there's still time to organise many more.

Samantha and I will be holding one in Downing Street and bringing together local people and charities.

And my message to everyone who wants to have a street party is: I'm having one and I want you to go ahead and have one too.

So go on - bring out the bunting and let's make this a day to remember. For everyone.

He's good with words, is our Boy David. He knows how to catch the mood, as they say.

Can't say I was disappointed to hear there'd be a street party here at No 10! Great! Lots and lots of luverly nosh! Must tell Arturo, maybe even old Larry. Whatever the humans do, we'll certainly celebrate the wedding, in right royal style!